Resorted to holding him down because it works

[ShwarmaQueen]

Is this bad?

DS was easy to put to sleep, with nursing, up until about a month or so ago. His highneeds personality is manifesting into a hyperactive toddler. So now when he's obviously tired (no illness, ear infection, teething, etc) he will fight his sleep, stumble around, bump his head, and just be totally miserable. So one night, after I'd had enough flipping back and forth from side to side trying to nurse him to sleep, I just held him down to the bed, with my arm around him. He cried for approx 30 sec and then it dwindled down to a whine, then a wimper, and within 5 min he was sound asleep. And now I do it and it takes even less time sometimes. 

I feel slightly guilty, like this is CIO or something though. On the other hand I'm running out of patience to put him to sleep at this stage. 

[Buzzer Beater]

Well. I swaddle my babe because she needs help calming herself... I don't see much of a difference. You're there, helping, caring, loving, calming. You're not sitting on him! My DD goes into the swaddle awake some nights and falls asleep moments after hitting the mattress. Without it her arms and legs are everywhere.

[Maluhia]

If you are doing it in a soothing loving way, I'd say do it.  Once in a while when DD had an out of control over tired tantrum I'd wrap her in a towel from the shoulders down so she would stop hitting/kicking herself/me/the wall and whisper songs to her and she yelled and cried and lashed out and fell into sleep every time becuase she was beyond being able to calm herself down.  I used the same towel and sometimes I'd ask her in a tantrum if she needed "towel cuddles" and she would sort of nod and fall into me, it is that overhwelmed with her own body feeling she'd get during a tantrum that she just can't get out of .  She grew out of it about 4 years old :) 

[HonkyTonka]

I'd ask her in a tantrum if she needed "towel cuddles" and she would sort of nod and fall into me, it is that overhwelmed with her own body feeling she'd get during a tantrum that she just can't get out of .  She grew out of it about 4 years old :) 

Sorry, totally unrelated, but that is adorable!

[TSomm]

I have to do the same thing with my DD.  We swaddled her when she was younger but now I will occasionally lie next to her, wrap my arm over her and sort of keep her still until she calms down.  She's just so excited to keep learning and experience life that she doesn't want to nap.  It definitely helps calm her down.

Love the towel cuddles.

[ShwarmaQueen]

lol I love the towel cuddles too! 

Thanks everyone for the responses. :)

[Sfcmama]

Only have a sec...
Have you heard of and/or considered weighted blankets? They can be great for kids who have trouble shutting off the senses. Etsy might have and of course you can google them.
Good luck!

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by Sfcmama 

Only have a sec...
Have you heard of and/or considered weighted blankets? They can be great for kids who have trouble shutting off the senses. Etsy might have and of course you can google them.
Good luck!

He kicks off any blanket, so i doubt they would work for putting him down. My friend has one for her son, I might borrow it and try it for once he's asleep though...

[Louisep]

We did it around that age too. I very rarely still have to do it.

[Altair]

We had a stage in the later half of his first year that I really didn't like-- when I needed to hold him in my arms against his will to fall asleep.  I tried to make it as gentle as I could... but it sucked.  I really didn't like it, so a little before 12 months I started using some No Cry Sleep Solution techniques to get him to fall asleep (with my help) in the crib and ever since then it's been SO Much more peaceful.  (But I must admit the NCSS was a looooong process... long, but very worth it).  He's almost 2 now and his crib is still next to my bed and I still stay in the room until he's asleep. 

[dislocator3972]

We do something similar with DD and when I raised concerns like yours to my AP friends they admitted they were doing the same things.  Something about being a toddler and having great big giant emotions makes holding still impossible.  DD rolls and kicks and thrashes, I basically swaddle her with my arms against my chest, she goes limp and sleeps for hours.  As my preggo belly gets bigger we may have to switch to me somehow giving her those same boundaries and securities on her bed. 

Sounds to me like you're giving your LO what he needs.  Sometimes, they need weird things.

[jellybeanmumma]

Yeah we do this when DS obviously overstimulated or had a big day and he's just mauling my boobs not nursing. There is a section in the book Playful Parenting about holding kids as they tantrum or release extreme emotions. So long as the parent is in a calm loving place and not doing it in anger. I think high needs kids sometimes just struggle changing gears. It's not CIO cause that is when they are left alone to deal with intense emotions alone.

The way we see it in our home with DS is when he has a big day with lots of newness and has taken a lot/ has had a frustrating day/is approaching milestones he needs to get stuff off his chest so we hold him and listen and he lets it out and sometimes he thrashes about but we still hold. The difference I have noticed is that one the rare nights we hold him down he has a cry, gets it out then falls asleep peacefully and quickly. On the nights we let him thrash it out he took forever to fall asleep and had more nightwakings and my boobs felt like they'd been mauled by lions and he'll often wake up grumpy the next day... it's like there is an emotional pimple that just keeps growing unless you pop it..

[ShwarmaQueen]

Originally Posted by jellybeanmumma 
The difference I have noticed is that one the rare nights we hold him down he has a cry, gets it out then falls asleep peacefully and quickly. 

Yes! That is exactly what usually happens. Intense protest then BOOM, fast asleep within just a few minutes. Though yesterday we had dinner guests so he was extra energized and was waving 'bye-bye' and calling his sister while he was asleep (his latest developments). It was something else to see! I just laughed at how high energy he is! 

[jellybeanmumma]

 Ds does that too.. and sometimes just after he falls asleep he'll cry out and ball up his fists like "I didn't want to fall asleep I still had important things to be busy with!!!" and then conk out again. He's an agreeable kid but the fights he has with sleep are amazing sometimes!

[sunnygir1]

I think this is my solution to our bedtime woes.  I don't like it, and I feel guilty too...but it takes us 20 minutes, not 5 ; )  He's not screaming for the whole time, but it still sucks.  I know he's mad and frustrated, but not scared.

I think he's working on molars, and nothing works to get him to sleep anymore.  I can't hold him while he's struggling or I get hurt, so I put him in the crib and hold him down...it's the only way he'll lie down at all.  I've been giving him Tylenol before bed for the teeth.

The thing for me is that it's a transition.  I'm pretty sure that I'm not doing him damage, and things will be different in a week.  For us, it's worth a try...if I had a solution that felt more peaceful to me, I'd sure try it, but if I don't do it, he thrashes and cries in my arms, on the floor, in the crib, on the bed, on the couch -- wherever he happens to be.  Holding him down in the crib is the safest and quickest way to get him to sleep, and I hope that it will lead to him lying down (without the holding) to go to sleep.

The long and short of it is, I think it is okay as a solution, especially an occasional or temporary solution to sleep troubles.

[jellybeanmumma]

Originally Posted by sunnygir1 

I think this is my solution to our bedtime woes.  I don't like it, and I feel guilty too...but it takes us 20 minutes, not 5 ; )  He's not screaming for the whole time, but it still sucks.  I know he's mad and frustrated, but not scared.

I think he's working on molars, and nothing works to get him to sleep anymore.  I can't hold him while he's struggling or I get hurt, so I put him in the crib and hold him down...it's the only way he'll lie down at all.  I've been giving him Tylenol before bed for the teeth.

The thing for me is that it's a transition.  I'm pretty sure that I'm not doing him damage, and things will be different in a week.  For us, it's worth a try...if I had a solution that felt more peaceful to me, I'd sure try it, but if I don't do it, he thrashes and cries in my arms, on the floor, in the crib, on the bed, on the couch -- wherever he happens to be.  Holding him down in the crib is the safest and quickest way to get him to sleep, and I hope that it will lead to him lying down (without the holding) to go to sleep.

The long and short of it is, I think it is okay as a solution, especially an occasional or temporary solution to sleep troubles.

I feel for you. Molars are the worst. We're just coming out of a dark dark period of a month during which DS grew 4 canines and 2 molars. Hell and back. It was a fine line for us timing the bedtime dose of painkkillers so that they had kicked in by the time we wanted him to fall asleep, to early and the pain went away before the bedtime routine was over and so he was stoked and ready to play, too late and he was in too much pain to drop. We were also having about 2-3 or even 4 long hot baths a day as he loves water and the warm kinda soothed him. Maybe it was the waterbirth that made him so? Dunno but it worked!