I feel like I'm walking a tightrope here, and I need some advice before I fall off! I have been in my dsc's lives for a year and a half- I know, not that long. But in that time, their mom has abandoned them except for occasional phone contact, and I have taken on the role of mom for them. They call me Mom, I go to all their school stuff, I put them to bed, I help them with their homework, I cook for them, I hold them when they cry, etc etc etc.
Their dad is a great parent, and for the most part, when he does something I disagree with, I don't say anything. But sometimes, I really feel strongly that I have an important perspective to offer. I have four of my own kids, and I know a couple of things, and some issues are just big. I don't expect to make the decisions myself, but I think that as a partner in the relationship and in parenting these kids, DP should listen to my point of view and give it fair consideration.
A big one is school. The older two are in first and second grade. They hate school, and I see their struggles in different subjects, as they try to learn things the way they're being taught. Schools here are not that flexible, and if they don't get it, they just get a bad grade and that's it. My first grader is in a Montessori program, and from what I've experienced, I think it would be a great fit for both of them. My DP is fine with the public school, in huge part because he's an immigrant and wants his kids to be Americanized. I'm trying to explain to him that Montessori isn't "wierd" (this program is through the school district), and that the kids might enjoy school, while succeeding academically. I know it's his decision, I don't want to make it for him, I just feel like he's not even willing to entertain the idea seriously at all. It's obvious when we talk about it that he doesn't really even understand it (sometimes it takes a while to get past the language barrier). I feel offended- is this totally wrong? I really think if he would just listen and understand what I'm talking about, that he might agree with me.
Is it ok for him to be totally fine with me doing the work of mothering the kids, but to act like my thoughts on raising them don't count?