I'm really not a stickler about food. We eat healthy, but I don't begrudge my kids junk food now and then. However, we have some allergy issues and we're strictly gluten-free since finding out that DS and I are severely intolerant. On this one thing I will not budge, since DS and I both experience severe neurological issues when we consume gluten.
We visited the IL's last week and MIL cooked something that contained gluten. I refused to eat it or feed it to the kids (in a very respectful and non-confrontational manner - I simply took the kids' plates into the kitchen and got them something else to eat.) FIL flipped his lid. His last words to me were, "Just don't bother coming anymore!"
FIL's implication was DH could bring the kids and leave me at home. Now this is actually something that DH commonly does, about once a week, and I have never had an issue with DH taking the kids over there. The kids have fun and I get a break. But apparently DH just lets his parents do all the parenting when he's there. Hm no wonder they enjoy being there so much, they can eat what they want and watch Nickelodeon all day. To my knowledge they don't feed the kids gluten, but DS generally takes a day or two to decompress after a day at the IL's, so I'm never sure.
Last week after the big blowup I told DH in no uncertain terms that I didn't like the way his father treats him or us, and after I was effectively banned from their home I will not be going back or allowing my children to go there without me until I get an apology from FIL. I thought I made this very clear. I've been putting up with FIL's crap for so many years. He has zero respect for us as adults and he thinks that his opinion is law and this is not the first issue we've had. I've even let it go when he's said things to my kids that I didn't like, all in the interest of family harmony. I really am happy that my kids love their grandparents and see them regularly, but I will not let FIL verbally abuse us.
Today DH went shopping with his mom and came home announcing the plans they made for us to go over there Christmas eve. Seriously? He says we should just let it go, that his dad is "just like that." Well, yes I know he's like that, but he needs to change or at least acknowledge his behavior. In letting this behavior continue despite his words and actions to me, I feel like DH is putting his relationship with his parents above his relationship with me and the kids.
Am I wrong? DH is pretty upset, but I just don't feel like I can budge on this one. What do I do?