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Nothing in common

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
My dad fathered a son whom he has never taken responsibility for. I met him a few times when he was younger but didn't have contact (because my dad asked me not to) with him from the time he was about 7 until now--he is 15.

I recently said hell with my dad, I'm finding my brother. He is living with his maternal grandparents who have adopted him. His mother is in prison. My father is ready to have contact but still isnt' ready for much more than phone calls, the occasional visit, etc...

Putting aside what I think about my dad's choice in this matter (I think this is the worst decision he has made, but that won't help the situation so on to more of the story...), I have instigated contact with him. I found him in December and have committed to becoming a part of his life for good...I worked out a visitation with his grandparents so that I have him every other weekend. My dh and I are also in the g-parents will as the ones who will get custody of him should anythign happen to them (they are in their 70's).

The thing is: we have nothing in common. I mean, we are about as different as you can get. He likes to talk about the military, cars and guns and such. When he is over, he watches shows like "Cops" and "When Animals Attack."

His grandparents are great, but their elderly habits have rubbed off on this poor boy. He'll name everything we pass in order to fill the silence: "Oh look. There's an ambulance." Or, "Bucky's Beef House. Buy Your Meat Here." (Ever see Grumpy Old Men? There was a character who did this, too). Or, if something is funny at breakfast, he'll bring it up five times throughout the day in order to make conversation.

His social skills are just soooo soooo sooo far removed from what I am used to, from what I am comfortable with...I don't know what to do. I am committed to this, but what happens if I just don't like him? He also lies and steals stuff...small things, but it drives me crazy.

Help. I know 15 is hard on any person...how do I make this situation somethign I don't dread every other weekend?
post #2 of 2
(I am 16, so I'll first just give a little synopsis of teen behavior that I am familiar with)
Well, first of all, while I don't watch cops, or "when animals attack", I know plenty of teens who do. Personally, I hate these shows, but hey, to each his own.

As for the pointing out random sights, and repeating jokes all day long... well, I do that! I usually read things aloud when they make no sense, or just remind me of something funny... (I often verbalize my desire to vandalize those red signs that read "End Construction", by adding a "Now!" at the end). And if something is funny, most teens I know subscribe to the theory that is is inherently funny, and therefore can be alluded to whenever possible.

Chances are, he is uncomfortable around you. Give it time. Additional chances are, you share some interest or another... most people do. Try and find out what it is. beyond that, try and be interesting in things you are otherwise ambiguous towards, to make a connection. You are in a difficult situation, but I think there's a good chance you'll be able to enjoy your time with him...

I don't know what to say about the stealing... so I won't say anything.

best of luck!!!
-Dan
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