I'll try to make this the short version. My partner and I have been together for six years. We both decided we wanted to start a family, so I went first since I had a stable career type job & good insurance, and she was still in school and her job may change. Skip to now. I carried our daughter. She is beautiful and almost 2 years old now. We both feel that our daughter should have a sibling. We want her to grow up with someone close. I'm cool with that, but I also have a selfish side that wants to be done expanding the family so we can get back to camping, traveling, going out etc. I love directing all my attention to the baby! Just recently, my partner has had the "baby bug." She wants to carry the next one, which I understand and would never want to take that opportunity away from her. But, I have a huge fear of not treating our children equally. I'm scared of the whole your baby and my baby thing. We are a family - it should be "our babies." But I feel that I will have some severe favoritism for my (our) daughter. Which is not fair. I don't want to be that way, but it is just how I feel. I even felt that way when we got a second dog. The first dog got top priority and special treatment. I thought that might happen with the dogs and it did. How can I expect it to be different with our kids?
Also, my parents are our daycare. They love watching our daughter, but I have a feeling that they don't really want to watch two kids. That's understandable - it's a lot of work. I have a feeling tho that if I were the one having another baby, they would be okay with watching another, but not so much if my partner carried. The child wouldn't be blood related to them, but why should it matter if they really see us as a family now?
Another twist to the story is that 6 months ago or so, I had a short affair. (I know, don't flame me. I am stupid. We are working on it.) We've been thru counseling and have "graduated," per the shrink. But my partner did mention to me that she is still not completely sure about our relationship. That is legit. It wasn't that long ago. I have to rebuild a lot of trust. But that throws a giant red flag up to me. Why would I be positive about bringing another baby into the world if our relationship is not stable? I mentioned that to her and it just doesn't seem to matter to her. She has the baby bug - wants a baby and that is that.
If I can get past the favoritism issue and our relationship proves strong, I'm all for having another kiddo. I'd be all for it now if I were going to be the one to carry (given that our relationship is ok.) What do ya'll think about the favoritism thing - and all the rest of this mess?