Having trouble trusting my doctor and birth plans

[Libelula]

I am 20 weeks and planning an HBAC with a local doctor who does home births.  I am feeling really anxious about it lately--not the VBAC itself, but whether I am making the right choices about my provider and birth location.  I keep worrying that I should like my doctor more or feel more of a connection with him.  And I'm worried that it will be weird to have people in my home the whole time I'm laboring and that I won't be able to relax because I'll feel like a hostess and be stressing about my house being clean enough.

Last time I found a "natural friendly" doctor and she ended up pulling a bait and switch and I had a horrible experience with a c/s that I never felt was truly necessary.  So I think that really broke my trust in medical providers.  I know by simple virtue of my doctor doing home births, he won't be like my last OB, and I like everything he has to say about how he handles births.  And I know that by being at home, I won't have to deal with all the BS in the hospital that derailed my birth plans last time.  

I'm not sure if the worries I'm having are just trust issues because of my last birth, or if it's more than that.  Can any of the other VBAC mamas here relate to this?

[roadfamily6now]

who is coming to your home while you are in labor? When are they coming?

[Libelula]

Originally Posted by roadfamily6now 

who is coming to your home while you are in labor? When are they coming?

I am just planning to have my doctor and doula come--I guess they will come once I'm in active labor?  And my husband will be there.  I don't think I would feel any better if I had a hospital birth or found a different provider, so I think the issue is really that I'm still scarred by what happened last time.

I'm just wondering if anyone's c/s experience made it hard for them to trust another care provider or feel at ease with where they decide to give birth.

[TiffanyToo]

What exactly are you scared of? 

I know you mention having the OB and doula. I believe it is general practice for a late pregnancy home visit and the birth kit to be dropped off then. I think you have the discussion about this with them. Express your concerns. Ask what their expectations are and how they can help you work through this fear.

[maotmsmi]

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Edited by maotmsmi - 5/21/11 at 11:21am

[TiffanyToo]

I think once the rose coloured glasses are off. Awareness of just how managed verses observed, respected and guided birth should be. That the idea you can go back to a place of "trust" I don't think you experience that same level of trust. You are changed, informed and know what is truth and what you can trust.

 

Originally Posted by MommyKrista 

 I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to fully trust a care provider- at least not until the birth is over. With my other 2 births, all went well until the very last couple weeks before giving birth when I experienced a dramatic attitude change from my care providers (first time with an OB and 2nd time with family practice doctors).