Feeling sad and need to vent...

[Caitlin0919]

I don't really know where to post this, but I thought this might be the most supportive place.

One of my best friends is being induced tomorrow morning and I feel a little silly, but the news made me really sad. When I first got pregnant, she already had baby fever and would constantly ask me questions about how I was feeling and stuff and once I had DD, she wanted to see my birth photos and know everything about how labor went and what I did to cope with the pain. I took Bradley classes and had a 100% natural birth, even though I was in a hospital. Even before she got pregnant, she said she'd like to have a natural birth too and wanted to take Bradley classes. When she found out she was pregnant, she would call and text me all the time with questions, which I was more than happy to answer. However, as her pregnancy progressed I could tell that she wasn't 100% on board with the natural birth thing. None of her family members, including her husband, have been very supportive of natural birth. Even one of the midwives(a male midwife) that she saw actually chastised her for it. She actually had to fight with her husband in order to be able to hire a doula for the birth. He didn't want to spend the extra money. I think she started to doubt herself and the natural birth idea and I've known for awhile that she would probably have some sort of medical intervention once she went into labor. Now that she's being induced, I'm really worried that she's going to end up with a very unnecessary c-section. She's only 39 weeks, but she's had a headache for about 2 weeks straight. Her blood pressure has never been high, or even on the verge of being too high. I don't know exactly why she's being induced since I just found out from her sister on Facebook, but I can't help but think that one of the midwives mentioned an induction and she just said, "Let's do it" because she's pretty sure the headaches are pregnancy-related and just wants them to go away. So I'm sitting here feeling sad and then feeling silly for feeling sad and I had to vent. I would never tell her this stuff because I wouldn't want her to feel like I was criticizing her or telling her that she did something wrong. It's her birth, not mine and it doesn't matter how I feel about it only how she feels about it. I just needed somewhere to let it out so I can just feel happy for her when I get the call/text that her baby has arrived. Vent over.

[thebeljur]

I hear you.  I don't think a lot of people understand that we don't want them to just "be like us" and "do what we do" because we think we're aweome or better or something.  It really is about an authentic desire for every woman to have their best birth and to be able to experience the process as naturally as they can because they deserve it.  I can see why you would mourn the loss of that for her.  I get that.

Maybe there is a valid medical reason for her induction?  Are you going to ask her about it?

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by thebeljur 

I hear you.  I don't think a lot of people understand that we don't want them to just "be like us" and "do what we do" because we think we're aweome or better or something.  It really is about an authentic desire for every woman to have their best birth and to be able to experience the process as naturally as they can because they deserve it.

Well said & I agree.

I also want everyone to get evidence-based care because, well, it's best!

Not only that, but it makes me really sad - and rather angry too - to think of women & babies being victims of totally unnecessary major surgery!! Of course we don't know for certain that the induction will lead to CS for your friend (hey, she's got a 50/50 shot!) and we don't know for certain that it was an unnecessary induction --- but we DO know for certain that tons of unnecessary CS DO happen every day in America & it makes me angry.

It also makes me angry to think of women being blind-sided by things like how the medicalized birth (CS or not) may make BFing harder (I mean, dang, it's hard enough!), blind-sided by how much tougher the recovery is post-CS, the high failure rate of epidurals (15%?), etc.

The whole state of American maternity care makes me sad & angry.

It makes me sad & angry to think your friend got no support from her family & even a MW (WTF?!)

Vent away!

[isabchi]

Hugs for you!.I know how you feel, but sometimes people are not fully convience and the lack of  support dosn't not help either.

[Caitlin0919]

I heard from her last night. She was being induced very early this morning. She said the induction was because she had been having headaches for 19 days straight and since she was pregnant, there wasn't much they could do for her. She went to a chiropractor a few times but that didn't do much I guess. I guess they decided on the induction for the sake of helping her headaches since they can't find a cause for them and she can't have an x-ray or anything done while she's pregnant and she can't take any strong meds for it. They were starting with some cream on her cervix to soften and dilate her and then waiting 4 hours and checking, then some more cream. She said if she hadn't progressed much by 6am, they would try pitocin. I'm anxious to hear but I'm sure I won't hear anything for several hours yet. I'm just trying to stay positive and send good vibes her way.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by thebeljur 

I hear you.  I don't think a lot of people understand that we don't want them to just "be like us" and "do what we do" because we think we're aweome or better or something.  It really is about an authentic desire for every woman to have their best birth and to be able to experience the process as naturally as they can because they deserve it.  I can see why you would mourn the loss of that for her.  I get that.

Maybe there is a valid medical reason for her induction?  Are you going to ask her about it?

Again... well said and agreed.

I have been in the same type of boat and shiver when hearing things like this.  My hope is they will be ok and a healthy mama and babe in the end.  You are a good friend to have these thoughts and she is lucky to have you when all is said and done.. vent away!

[vtamanda]

I just experienced the same thing with a very close friend.  Her first ended up induced and c-section.  She researched and picked my brain for 2 years before the birth of #2.  Well then her water broke and she went into the hospital after 10 hours or something and of course they put her on Pit.  Which led to an epi.  BUT she didn't end up with the C-section, so she was still happy with the experience, she got her VBAC.  I just tried to be supportive even though I wanted to scream at her to stay home until the contractions started.  But what can you do?  You are a friend and it's her life.  I did gently suggest that once they started the pit she wouldn't be able to hold out without an epi.  It is hard to watch, especially when you know what your friend is missing out on.  Stay positive and bite your tongue when she needs to talk about her experience later!!  That's what I have to do, and I'm really not that good at it :)

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I think it's perfectly "normal" and understandable to feel sad that your friend is staring birth with induction if she wanted an unmedicated birth.  After the birth and hearing the story you will probably end up mirroring her feelings and that's ok too.  I hope your friend has a nice birth.  

[mom2clairenlily]

Originally Posted by thebeljur 

It really is about an authentic desire for every woman to have their best birth and to be able to experience the process as naturally as they can because they deserve it.  

I agree with this statement above, but in a different way.  I think we all have to accept that fact that a natural childbirth may not be everyone's "best birth".  I had this exact same reaction to a friend of mine who had gone through infertility treatments, worked for years to have a baby, but then decided not to breastfeed.  I couldn't understand why she would work so hard to have a baby and then not do the "best" thing for him.  But I realized I was projecting my idea of what I thought was best for her, when in reality, it has to be her idea of what is best for her, you know?  I had to accept that her value system may be different from mine.   I was incredibly fulfilled and proud of my extended breastfeeding experience, but I came to realize that she was fulfilled and proud being a formula feeding mom.  When we have great experiences doing things one way we want for everyone to have the same thrill of that experience, but they might find their thrill to be something entirely different.

I hope that she has a great birth experience, her way and on her terms, regardless of how that baby comes into this world.  I am glad that she can have a friend like you who truly desires for her to have the best experience possible.  Hugs to you, mama.

[Caitlin0919]

Just talked to her today! No pit, no drugs, no epi. She did it all naturally, with just a little help from the cervical cream to get things going and they broke her water during labor. Baby Ethan was born at 1pm yesterday afternoon, 8lbs. 1.7 oz and 21" long(daddy is very tall). She had two little tears and only needed a couple stitches in one. Baby and mom are doing great and he's nursing like a champ! I guess I spazzed for nothing. Thanks for all your support ladies!

[Evergreen]

That's great! I am glad everyone is happy and healthy. To be honest, I think a 19 day unexplained headache is a completely valid reason for induction. Tired of being pregnant or my doctor doesn't like women to go over 40 weeks not so much.

[goldenwillow]

Glad to hear all is well.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

How wonderful!!  

Originally Posted by Caitlin0919 

Just talked to her today! No pit, no drugs, no epi. She did it all naturally, with just a little help from the cervical cream to get things going and they broke her water during labor. Baby Ethan was born at 1pm yesterday afternoon, 8lbs. 1.7 oz and 21" long(daddy is very tall). She had two little tears and only needed a couple stitches in one. Baby and mom are doing great and he's nursing like a champ! I guess I spazzed for nothing. Thanks for all your support ladies!