MIL angry my children texting and talking on cell phones while visiting her

[Lisa1970]

My MIL calls me yesterday to chew me out for my children talking on cell phones and texting the entire time they visit her. She says they always do this and she is digusted by it and finds it rude.

OK, so she is out of line for two reasons. 1) she and the family members she actually likes and treats well do talk on the cell phones, check voice mail while you are talking to them, and answer their phones. and 2) my children do not own cell phones! Therefore, they have never texted or called on their cell phones while visiting her, or at any other time in their lives. We simply do not believe in giving cell phones to children. We leave our own phones in the car and we do not have data plans or voice mail on our phones, as in, my husband's and mine, therefore, we are not even doing it. My cell phone pretty much never leaves my car. I even charge it in the car so it has no reason to leave the car.

I responded by telling MIL that my children do not have cell phones therefore, they have never texted or spoken on cell phones while visiting her. She just said "oh, well, that's good then."

My MIL is always looking for things to pick at my children for and to act all angry about and give me a hard time about. This is just item number 50,302,848,339,902 of things she complains about in my children. I am actually laughing over this last complaint. 

Edited by Lisa1970 - 12/15/10 at 6:56pm

[Juvysen]

uhhh... I don't know if this is out of line, but how old is she?  Sounds like she's maybe having some cognitive issues or memory or something.  Very weird.  I mean, it's one thing to nit-pick and it's another thing to come out with something that's completely not true at all and try to gripe about it, you know?

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by Juvysen 

uhhh... I don't know if this is out of line, but how old is she?  Sounds like she's maybe having some cognitive issues or memory or something.  Very weird.  I mean, it's one thing to nit-pick and it's another thing to come out with something that's completely not true at all and try to gripe about it, you know?

She is 69. But she has always been like this, making things up about me and/or the children to complain about. We barely see her now as a result, but met her at a restaurant the other day for a Christmas brunch thing. This is just 100% like her and how she has always been.

[Juvysen]

Wow.  That's just really strange.  I'm sorry you're dealing with that. :(

[nextcommercial]

Well, that would be very rude, and of course you should teach them not to use their cell phones while visiting.  

Do you or your husband ever worry that she's a little delusional?  Or is this totally normal for her?  I wonder if she's a little confused?

[Happeesupermom]

Wow. That was rude & out of line. So sorry you have to put up with this kind of treatment of you and your kids!  :(  How does one make up lies like that to be mad about? Wow.  I'd probably just do what you're already doing... not spend much time with her.  Too bad the kids can't feel the love & respect from their grandmother, KWIM?

However, someting a PP said makes me wonder... Could it be that she's somehow confusing your children with another set of grandchildren who do actually own phones & use them in her presence? Her age isn't too advanced, but maybe she has mental health issues she's dealing with?  IDK, I wish there were something more I could advise you.

[DariusMom]

That's just weird. I don't even know what to say. It wasn't true and everyone knows it.

[Juvysen]

Could she be bipolar or schizophrenic or something?  I dunno, this just seems a little beyond the norm for "angry MILs" you know?

[mamazee]

I've had a couple of family members with alzheimer's, and it starts out small and builds over a long period of time, so it could feel like it's been happening forever even if it's something like that.  It sounds like she's confused rather than intentionally rude to me.  Bizarre though.

[cappuccinosmom]

If she's always been like this, why take it personally?  You know she's making it up, you know she's wrong, and she accepted when you informed her she's wrong.  I'm sure it's frustrating, but it's the unfortunate reality and not something you can change, and not worth getting your blood pressure up over.

[Stephenie]

Wow. What a nutter. Sorry you have to deal with that. At least it was easily defused. 

[AbbieB]

Wow. You have your handles full with a MIL like that.

It reminds me of the time I got a phone call from my FIL saying that there was no way my GMIL would put her dog down, and then went on to explain why GMIL loved her dog so much. I was on the other end of the line very confused wondering how I became an evil dog hating killer when I remembered that DH had called his mother to let he know that our 1 year old had developed a bit of a fear of dogs so that when we came over for dinner that weekend, could they please put the dog in another room while we were there.

I'm not 100% sure that anyone in that house ever believed that I was not a dog killer, I just did not want to stand holding a crying toddler all night because the dog was scaring the life out of him. GMIL still, 2 years later, gives me dirty looks.

[RaeDyCo]

I also agree that it could be Alzheimers.  My grandma has been suffering from advanced Alz for almost 15 years so likely had it for 10+ years before that which would have put her in her mid-60's.  In the early days, she would be confused and covered it up by being very angry and argumentative.  She pushed away a lot of people with her anger.

Regardless, sorry you are going through this!

[Shannie77]

Originally Posted by RaeDyCo 

I also agree that it could be Alzheimers.  My grandma has been suffering from advanced Alz for almost 15 years so likely had it for 10+ years before that which would have put her in her mid-60's.  In the early days, she would be confused and covered it up by being very angry and argumentative.  She pushed away a lot of people with her anger.

Regardless, sorry you are going through this!

Yup... my grandmother also has Alzheimers.  It started a long time before anyone really noticed anything was up, but looking back there were some clues.  Alzheimers has made my grandmother very suspicious and confused.  She was diagnosed when she was 79 but it started in her early 70s.  

If your MIL was always difficult and is now starting to get some form of dementia it could make her even more difficult.

It just sounds too crazy to not be something more.  
 

[NellieKatz]

Do your kids have hand-held video games? She may just be lumping it all together in one big category in her mind:

"high tech gadgets that keep people from interacting with the humans in the room". 

sort of a lazy-thinking situation

just a thought

[limabean]

Originally Posted by NellieKatz 

Do your kids have hand-held video games? She may just be lumping it all together in one big category in her mind:

"high tech gadgets that keep people from interacting with the humans in the room". 

sort of a lazy-thinking situation

just a thought

Yeah, unless it's just some misunderstanding like this I'd be concerned about someone that out of touch with reality spending time alone with my kids. 

[Lisa1970]

Nope, they do not even have that. Even if they did, I would never allow it when visiting people. I think it is rude. So no, this was just another one of MILs flat out made up lies about my children likes she always does.
 

Originally Posted by NellieKatz 

Do your kids have hand-held video games? She may just be lumping it all together in one big category in her mind:

"high tech gadgets that keep people from interacting with the humans in the room". 

sort of a lazy-thinking situation

just a thought

[Lisa1970]

Originally Posted by Juvysen 

Could she be bipolar or schizophrenic or something?  I dunno, this just seems a little beyond the norm for "angry MILs" you know?

Someone once told me she is bipolar (SIL told me that). But she is a heavy drinker.

We keep the children away from her for the most part. We only see her with all of us present. My main concern is for the children. The older children realize she is what she is. But my younger children always ask when we will visit grandma and seem confused over things. I think they are too young to explain this to.

[Lisa1970]

She has been asking to babysit, and we just be polite and say we rarely need a sitter, but we will let her know if we do. She lives in the area, but far enough away that it is not like we can just drop them off while we go to the store or something so there has not been an issue over this.
 

Originally Posted by limabean 

Originally Posted by NellieKatz 

Do your kids have hand-held video games? She may just be lumping it all together in one big category in her mind:

"high tech gadgets that keep people from interacting with the humans in the room". 

sort of a lazy-thinking situation

just a thought

Yeah, unless it's just some misunderstanding like this I'd be concerned about someone that out of touch with reality spending time alone with my kids. 

[Lisa1970]

I need to edit this response..yes, they own the older version of the Nintendo DS's, but those are kept at home, rarely even played with there, no newer games for them, nothing. Not even sure where the games are. I saw a Nintendo DS on a shelf in one of the children's rooms recently, but, it is just not really played with anymore. They are never taken out.
 

Originally Posted by Lisa1970 

Nope, they do not even have that. Even if they did, I would never allow it when visiting people. I think it is rude. So no, this was just another one of MILs flat out made up lies about my children likes she always does.
 

Originally Posted by NellieKatz 

Do your kids have hand-held video games? She may just be lumping it all together in one big category in her mind:

"high tech gadgets that keep people from interacting with the humans in the room". 

sort of a lazy-thinking situation

just a thought