I think your access to LGBTQ families depends on where you live and what community supports/programs are available. In my experience, it hasn't been enough to just have an LGBTQ identity to build and sustain a relationship on with other LGBTQ parents.
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As a queer person, my connection to the LGBTQ community has been primarily through community involvement and activism. Most of my friends - parents and non-parents alike - have that in common. We know lots of LGBTQ parents and have met many through various activities and programs. The ones that we connect with, and have developed friendships with, have the similar worldviews as us. We're pretty lefty, and there's a lot of picket-fence-dykes in our community. We just have nothing in common with these people.
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Furthermore, our first two kids were adopted. We often really clicked with our fellow LGBTQ adoptive parents who had older kids with learning disabilities/behavioural challenges. Age of the children was also really important to sustaining these relationships. At first, our age was a challenge as we're 20 years younger than some of the amazing women we've become friends with. We never really found a community with parents who were divorced and came out later in life as LGBTQ or with LGBTQ people who had biological children. Now that we're about to have a baby, I'm sure that will all change.Â
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Like other posters have mentioned, when you become a parent, your parent identity often supersedes your queer identity. There's nothing inherently gay about your children and the things they're involved in (ie, swim lessons, schools, baseball, art classes). Since you spend a lot of time supporting and chauffeuring your children, much of the social interaction you have is around these sorts of activities. You end up finding and connecting with people there because they happen to be parents and you find some other shared ground. It may, or may not, be around an LGBTQ identity.
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I also think since it sounds like there's nothing already organized in your area, your ability to find and connect with other parents is likely hampered by the fact that you're TTC. Depending on how long you're in the TTC process, you're likely to find other queers TTC as well. Once you're actually pregnant and have the baby, it's like this beacon radiates outwards, and you connect with a lot of queer parenting people. Most people don't talk about TTC very broadly within their circles of families, friends and acquaintances, so you're only really able to effectively tap into those people with whom you already have relationships. Once a kid is on the way, suddenly you will be connected to a whole world of LGBTQ parents-to-be.
