How Often Do You Feel Like a Total Failure?

[Savoir Faire]

...uh, too often.

I always have BIG PLANS for homeschool. And then...slowly...but surely....things go helter skelter in a handbasket. I have multiple bookshelves full of curriculum and supplies to prove it.

We did pretty good for awhile this Fall. And then my husband took over one room of our house for a project and it just sent the house into entire disarray. I have ADD and when one thing goes wrong in my schedule, I'm unable to just sidestep it and get back into the groove. Things fall apart.

My kids are ALLLLMOST 5 and 6. My 4-year-old pretty much works on a first grade level, with exception to knowing how to read. He still isn't there yet. My 6-year-old is still learning to read but can be very hesitant and defiant. Honestly, I'm not sure HOW much she knows. She has seen a list of sight words for K and knew much of them....but I'm not still sure how.

My daughter never wants to do anything...but pretend play. My two can entertain themselves for HOURS up in their playroom. No TV, no electronics, just them and the dollhouse. I LOVE that they can do this. I love that they are so creative. But, at the same time, I'd really love it if they'd willingly walk downstairs to do 15 minutes of work without whining.

As I said, I always make plans and never complete them. I worry my ADD issues are the cause of this. I work very hard to have some structure...it is absolutely essential for my weird little brain. But, it is just too easy for me to let them keep on playing.

I go back and forth between"they're little, let them play" and "what the heck-- they can do 30 minutes!" And then...I just end up feeling like a total failure.

Do you feel like this? Did you? How do you/did you get over it?

[surrogate]

I feel your pain.  My oldest will be 5 next month and my youngest just turned 3.  I am lucky to get an hour out of my oldest...and most of that is coloring!  I am SO LOST!

[bass chick]

Originally Posted by Savoir Faire 

I go back and forth between"they're little, let them play" and "what the heck-- they can do 30 minutes!" And then...I just end up feeling like a total failure.

Do you feel like this? Did you? How do you/did you get over it?

I get what you mean.

Honestly, I wouldn't start anything with them until they are at the "grade 1" age. I started with a formal curriculum program (ecclectic) when my ds was 6 1/2. I think that was the right time to start for him. And for me. I started with the basics....reading and math.

I wouldn't call myself ADD, but I do have a helter-skelter brain. When my house is in disarray (so...98% of the time), my mind is unsettled and swims. When my oldest (6.5 years) is playing and being creative I also feel like just letting him play and I can screw around on MDC for hours! lol!

I have slowly, since September, started following a schedule. It started out with reading fluency. Then we added Math-U-See. Once he and I got used to using those every day I added a few more things....slowly...over 4 months. I didn't set out to "get it all together" in 4 months. I just slowly made a schedule and once he was comfortable with it for a few weeks I added more. I finally feel like he is doing enough for his grade 1 year, but I still feel behind. And I'm not saying that my ds doesn't complain when I tell him it's time to come and do a few schooly things, but once he gets started on it we do have fun together. He says he doesn't like it, but I know he just means that he'd rather play. Then I see him pretending to teach the younger kids what he has learned, usually through rhymes or songs. :)

My suggestion to you would be with your child who is almost 6, just wait until they are 6-and-a-bit. Then add ONE thing...either learning to read or math or whatever subject you view as being the most important. Do that 4-5 days a week for several weeks...maybe a month, before adding anything else. I think starting too early is just setting you up to feel like a failure.

You will figure things out...you have to give yourself some time to figure out what works and what doesn't for you and your family. My motto is "fall seven times, stand up eight"...and view your "failures" as an experiment in finding out what doesn't work, so that you can find out what does!

Hugs!!

[chaoticzenmom]

Um, the other day I was yelling at my 8yo that "Our homeschooling days are OVER!"  Because she wouldn't attempt a math puzzle.  So, yeah...failure.  Most days are smooth, but when I put in energy to get some stuff done and get nothing but resistance, I feel like I'm failing them.  I feel like a lot is piling up on me lately for some reason, so it compounds the "failure" feelings.  We have too many pets, too much stuff (even though I've been simplifying for about 6 months), we do too much (have at least one activity each day of the week) and everyone seems to want to eat at least 3 times a day;). 

On a good note though, my 5yo can now sound out Ha, Ho, Ba and BO sounds when he sees them:)  My 10yo is making good progress on his first iphone app.  My 8yo is writing sentences and small stories for fun and my 2yo is asking "why?" all the time. 

[Dar]

How about trying to bridge the gap between "doing something" and playing? Learning doesn't have to look like curriculum. It would be pretty easy to incorporate writing into pretend games, I would think. Like, maybe you could help them set up a little play restaurant and give them some money and make a menu (or see if they want to make one with you). Just list a few foods and write the words for them next to a picture of the item (draw or clipart or magazines) and put a price down, in cents. Throw is some aprons or chef hats and a tray for carrying food and you're set. 

Rain liked to play treasure hunt when she was little, too. It was just a sequence of clues hidden in the house with the last clue leading to a "prize" (usually a lego treasure chest), but she loved it. I started with pictures but gradually changed to words as she learned to read - you could use either or both. So, for example, the first clue could be "Look on the bed" and you'd draw a picture of the bed on it, and then on the bed you'd but a card saying "Look in the tub", and so on... 

Oh, and letters! I used to write letters to Rain when she was playing and stick them under the door, so I wouldn't disturb her. Just simple things, like "Do you want a snack? We have apples or crackers" and pictures if you think they'd be helpful. Sometimes she'd write back, too... it was fun. Sometimes I'd address them to the character she was pretending to me, too...

[ocelotmom]

I have a 4 year old and a 7.5 year old.

The 7.5 year old's interest in and attention span for schoolwork has definitely increased each year. The ability to sit down and do work really does seem to develop with time.

My 4 year old is reading at about the level the 7.5 year old was a year ago, and it seems to come much more naturally to her. This is something I've seen with second kids of several of my friends, too - the first struggles with reading, and the second picks it up easily.

I've also found that my level of willingness to do stuff has increased as their motivation has increased. It's much more tolerable and less easy to blow off when they're actually motivated to work on stuff.

So... I hate "Wait and see" advice, because the idea of waiting and seeing and getting further behind freaks me out. But in my case, that seems to be what was necessary.

[frugalmum]

I feel like a failure most of the time-- lol!

But, then I look at my kids and know that they are at least as well educated as if they were in school, if not much better educated.  The only skill school gave them that they are losing is handwriting-- since they are forced to write so much in school, it did help their handwriting.  They write a lot less, or just type, at home, so their handwriting has gotten worse.  short of that they are fine.

Why don't you read up on delayed academics/ better late than early?  I am not even trying to teach my 5 year old anything yet, my 7 y.o. I just teach what she has attention for-- right now geography and religion. 

[Mizelenius]

Wow.  Honestly, if my kids did this, I would feel like a superstar.  I feel like a failure because they DON'T do this.
 

My daughter never wants to do anything...but pretend play. My two can entertain themselves for HOURS up in their playroom. No TV, no electronics, just them and the dollhouse.

[Savoir Faire]

It took us banning almost all TV to get that way. No AM TV...nothin till around 3 or 4pm. Otherwise, that's all they would do...my daughter's best friend is The Big Talking Box.

[Mizelenius]

I've done that, too.  I've gone weeks without the TV.  Still, people (not my oldest) follow me around and wait for me to entertain them.  It amazes me what they will do while waiting for this to come to pass. 

[lmonter]

Well first, they're almost 5yo and 6yo. 
My 7yo boy still can't sit still to save his life.  I have to get creative with how we do school, and some days, yes, it doesn't always happen.  Therein lies the fun flexibility factor of homeschooling.

As for feeling like a failure?  Um, yeah.  House has been in upheaval for over a year, I had another baby, and blah blah blah.  Our environment is part hell (I haven't had trim up on half the inside of the house for over a year, the basement and homeschool room have been taken over by crap, including empty boxes of hubby's, half of our stuff is still packed and in a storage unit, and so on).

[elizawill]

Yes, of course I've felt like a failure before.  Oh gosh....Many times!  Just read my past posts, lol. 

I follow the cut-off date for when my children would be in PS to determine what age I consider them homeschooled.  This took A LOT of pressure off me when they were smaller.  I had no pressure from myself, family, or friends academically because they weren't even in "school" yet until they were almost 6 & 5 1/2.  My advice is to take pressure off yourself.  Your children sound like they are doing really wonderful!  They're only 4 & 5 years old. Your oldest would only be in kindergarten, right? Your youngest might be in K4 (or in no school at all).  So no worries and no concerns.  In kindergarten, I focused on phonics, a little math, and writing their letters.  Each grade, I add a little more & the process is gentle and gradual.  I think it's very normal (at least for me it has been) that the first few years are filled with trial & error, some insecurity, and unnecessary pressure.  My daughter is 9 now, and this is the first year that I really feel our groove is perfect.

No worries. Hugs! 

[kittie313]

I feel like a failure every time I try to do math lessons with my 2nd grader.  She has the interest and the desire, but she lacks the abilty to make the connection between the concept of how to do the work and actually executing the calculation.  I'm not teaching her algebra either, we're just working on addition and subtraction!  Sometimes I think that it may be actually easier to teach the child algebra and trig, because of how she thinks.  She's ADHD-combined and VERY right-brained, while I'm severely (like non-functional without meds) ADHD-combined, OCD, and extremely left-brained with a couple of right-brained traits.  She has little sisters who are as left-brained as I am that I can understand and teach easily, and those little sisters are accelerated learners as well, so every time I try to teach my oldest girl we both end up in tears and its just a total disaster.  But the thing is, I can't put her back in PS because 1) she refuses to ever go back (don't blame her after what she went through in K there), 2) she's far enough "behind" in math and reading that they'd put her in 1st instead of 2nd, 3) they flat out refuse to do any LD testing or provide services or acknowledge private LD testing before 3rd grade, and 4) the PS already failed her once and just pushed her along through to 1st grade so they wouldn't have to deal with having her repeat K.  Its just difficult, she loves to be at home so we're doing it, we're at home and learning and she's making such slow progress but is getting there slowly with a lot of conflict and clashing because I don't really know HOW to teach to her style even after reading books and getting tips from other people and all that great stuff.  My brain just simply is too left-brained to understand how to actually implement these really strange ways of teaching (in my eyes) that supposedly will work.

So, I guess I feel like a failure on a daily basis, although we do have our bright moments when she finally gets something and it clicks in her mind so clearly that she never loses it.

[OTMomma]

I feel like a failure this year, and we've been homeschooling since K, so this is our 4th year.  My current biggest problem is that my kids are 8, 3 and 1, and I can't seem to meet everyones needs with this big age gap.  With kids close in age, you can take field trips, go to story time, the zoo, the park, all kinds of stuff- and the kids are on a close enough level they can all be happy to be in the same place at the same time.  I don't have that, I feel like for years now, no matter what I do, one (or more) child is at best along for the ride, and most likely that child is making me miserable.  I can't handle taking all 3 places they would all like, like the zoo, because its just more than I can handle to do alone and not. 

When my oldest was 5 and 6, I felt her best learning came from me just reading great books to her- she learned all kinds of things.

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by Savoir Faire 

...uh, too often.

I always have BIG PLANS for homeschool. And then...slowly...but surely....things go helter skelter in a handbasket. I have multiple bookshelves full of curriculum and supplies to prove it.

We did pretty good for awhile this Fall. And then my husband took over one room of our house for a project and it just sent the house into entire disarray. I have ADD and when one thing goes wrong in my schedule, I'm unable to just sidestep it and get back into the groove. Things fall apart.

My kids are ALLLLMOST 5 and 6. My 4-year-old pretty much works on a first grade level, with exception to knowing how to read. He still isn't there yet. My 6-year-old is still learning to read but can be very hesitant and defiant. Honestly, I'm not sure HOW much she knows. She has seen a list of sight words for K and knew much of them....but I'm not still sure how.

My daughter never wants to do anything...but pretend play. My two can entertain themselves for HOURS up in their playroom. No TV, no electronics, just them and the dollhouse. I LOVE that they can do this. I love that they are so creative. But, at the same time, I'd really love it if they'd willingly walk downstairs to do 15 minutes of work without whining.

As I said, I always make plans and never complete them. I worry my ADD issues are the cause of this. I work very hard to have some structure...it is absolutely essential for my weird little brain. But, it is just too easy for me to let them keep on playing.

I go back and forth between"they're little, let them play" and "what the heck-- they can do 30 minutes!" And then...I just end up feeling like a total failure.

Do you feel like this? Did you? How do you/did you get over it?

I also have a need to establish some structure for my kids or I feel lost.  I get that it can be frustrating when you are only wanting a little tiny bit of structured work time, and even that is difficult to achieve.

IMO what your kids are doing is totally age-appropriate and it's great that they can play like this.  I'm not saying you shouldn't try for that small amount of time - but what they are wanting to do is normal.   If you already have shelves full of curriculum...maybe you are ready to do more than they are ready to do.  I have been there.

If either of my kids had been working at a grade 1 level and almost reading on just turning five, I would have been ecstatic.  Our older son could not handle 30 straight minutes of work until he was over six years old..and that was the limit for the day.  He is almost 8 and it is still a challenge.

He has special educational needs that I was not aware of when I chose to homeschool.  I'm not saying it would have made a difference in my choice, but I was not prepared for it to be so difficult.  He just finished a year of vision therapy for eye teaming and visual processing problems.  That has helped some but things are still different for him. We are not seeking other diagnoses but I am positive that we are dealing with ADD, dyslexia and dysgraphia.  He has visual and sequential memory problems, great difficulty focusing,  and a very hard time retaining things, so it is really hard and slow going to teach him.   Learning to read has been very difficult to achieve and he is just now getting there.  He is not yet able to write independent sentences from his head without a huge effort - one sentence takes 15 minutes and completely drains him.  His 5 yo little brother is spirited/intense.  His behavior is often either wild, defiant, or just very demanding.  It is difficult to get school done for the older one with him here.   So I have an almost 8 yo who can just barely read and cannot do written work at grade level, and does not remember things without a ton of repetition, and a 5 yo who is not interested in school stuff yet and whose behavior is challenging to deal with.  Most days I range between feeling barely afloat and total panic.  But I do not think dealing with them being in public school would be any easier or work any better.....so that is the thought that keeps me going. 

[Dandelionkid]

I feel like that all the time too. I saw someone on mothering recommend the book "smart but scattered". I think I need it as much as the kids.

[CherryBomb]

Oh yeah, I feel like a failure on a regular basis.  Dd1 (the only one I'm currently schooling, dd2 is SN and goes to public school) took her math test today (basic multiplication) and missed 21...F...blargh.  She gets the concept but obviously hasn't memorized the times table yet.  So I had her spend some time doing online drills and now she's working on correcting what she missed, and then tomorrow she gets to take the alternate test.  Yay.  OTOH, when we were warming up with mental math she was answering in Latin, so   It also hurts my feelings when she says she wants to go to public school. 

[kittie313]

Originally Posted by CherryBomb 

Oh yeah, I feel like a failure on a regular basis.  Dd1 (the only one I'm currently schooling, dd2 is SN and goes to public school) took her math test today (basic multiplication) and missed 21...F...blargh.  She gets the concept but obviously hasn't memorized the times table yet.  So I had her spend some time doing online drills and now she's working on correcting what she missed, and then tomorrow she gets to take the alternate test.  Yay.  OTOH, when we were warming up with mental math she was answering in Latin, so   It also hurts my feelings when she says she wants to go to public school. 

That made me LOL about her answering in Latin when you were warming up with mental math before she bombed a math test.  And I just wanted to offer a little smile to you on her multiplication woes.  At her age, I undersood multiplying but I had the HARDEST time memorizing some of them.  I'm almost 29 and still have a cheat sheet that I use sometimes when figuring multiples of some things, and I fully intend to keep it readily available when I start my math class in college next month.  There are a few of those 6, 7, and 8 facts that lose me every time..........  Yet I managed to make it through some pretty high-level maths in high school and am a calculator at the grocery store now (seriously, I can even figure in tax when shopping and come within 10 cents every time, that's how accurate I am, although dh requests that I give a $5 buffer when calculating for him because it scares him to kiss our budget like I do)