i dont *want* my kids to leave my bed, but i miss dh

[CherryBombMama]

we have enought room in our bed, but i miss sleeping next to my dh so i told him i wanted to get a twin bed to put on the other side of our room, to slooowly introduce ds1 to a bed for him (and he cant go on the other side of us because 1) dh needs to be on the side of his alarm and 2) ds2 is on my side and too young to sleep next to his brother.

WEELLLLL....... at first i had to convince him because he loves having ds1 in our bed, and now i am so sad at the thought of my baby leaving =(  im not even going to bring up the subject anymore becuase i dont want him all by himself!

how do you mamas deal long term with the family bed and lack of intimacy (not sex, that happens in the living room lol) during the night w/ your SO?

eta - dh has very set rules about "one bed in one room." i think he doesnt want our room to look ghetto (we both grew up poorish.) so him even agreeing to a "transition bed in our room" is huge! so as soon as a bed gets in our room, he set a limit of a month or two before ds goes to his own room. (and he isnt being mean, he has compromised TONS for me...) thats why i dont want to mention the bed again, because as soon as its there, its countdown time....

[lookatreestar]

so you're saying our bedroom is ghetto!?

 

i kind of know what you mean, we went ahead with the twin bed in our room and i often get dd to sleep in it or transfer her there after she falls asleep. or dh will sleep in the twin since he wakes early for work and doesn't want to wake us. we play musical beds, i guess. i say embrace the ghetto side... fwiw my dh and i both grew up poor- multiple people to one bed, multiple beds in one room etc. 

[CherryBombMama]

Originally Posted by lookatreestar 

so you're saying our bedroom is ghetto!?

 

i kind of know what you mean, we went ahead with the twin bed in our room and i often get dd to sleep in it or transfer her there after she falls asleep. or dh will sleep in the twin since he wakes early for work and doesn't want to wake us. we play musical beds, i guess. i say embrace the ghetto side... fwiw my dh and i both grew up poor- multiple people to one bed, multiple beds in one room etc. 

its kinda funny cuz we joke about it - "were so mexican, all four of us in the bed, hahaha" but then i think deep down, its kind of embarrassing to my dh because he is soooo dark and he doesnt want people to make fun of him. but he is the one pointing it out .... i dunno, my post kind of has a bunch of topics and complaints. 

but of course, i didnt mean youre bedroom was ghetto .... its crunchy! =D 

[babygirlie]

I was heart broken when dd moved into her own bed... which was a crib wedged next to the bed when she moved out :P  I couldn't stand not being able to look over to check her breathing at night. It hurt a LOT her moving just right there. To think of her in a whole other room.. phew!  but honestly after awhile I didn't miss hubby that much :P When he came back to bed oh dear lord the snoring.. I had to get use to it all over again lol

[lookatreestar]

Originally Posted by CherryBombMama 

Originally Posted by lookatreestar 

so you're saying our bedroom is ghetto!?

 

i kind of know what you mean, we went ahead with the twin bed in our room and i often get dd to sleep in it or transfer her there after she falls asleep. or dh will sleep in the twin since he wakes early for work and doesn't want to wake us. we play musical beds, i guess. i say embrace the ghetto side... fwiw my dh and i both grew up poor- multiple people to one bed, multiple beds in one room etc. 

its kinda funny cuz we joke about it - "were so mexican, all four of us in the bed, hahaha" but then i think deep down, its kind of embarrassing to my dh because he is soooo dark and he doesnt want people to make fun of him. but he is the one pointing it out .... i dunno, my post kind of has a bunch of topics and complaints. 

but of course, i didnt mean youre bedroom was ghetto .... its crunchy! =D 

hah we joke about it too but really that was both of our childhood experience and really it wasn't all that bad. my dh is mexican so he never really gave co sleeping a second thought. he was just happy there was no baby crying. our bed is on the floor (we broke the last one we had from ikea-oops) and it was just easier not having to worry about a baby falling. we also do not use comforters or sheets- just fitted sheet and blanket  which most people find SO strange. 

[CherryBombMama]

Originally Posted by babygirlie 

I was heart broken when dd moved into her own bed... which was a crib wedged next to the bed when she moved out :P  I couldn't stand not being able to look over to check her breathing at night. It hurt a LOT her moving just right there. To think of her in a whole other room.. phew!  but honestly after awhile I didn't miss hubby that much :P When he came back to bed oh dear lord the snoring.. I had to get use to it all over again lol

i love my dhs snoring! it puts me to sleep lol

did your dd move to her own bed for any particular reason? 

[babygirlie]

dh lost his job and we had to get a roommate, so the roommate got baby's room (which she was in once for 5 minutes ) and dh felt weird sleeping on the couch with someone else in the house. And I was kind of scared someone would roll over and crush her after hearing horror stories with BOTH of us in bed. I mean sometimes she stays in bed in the middle if she isn't feeling well but it's pretty rare now. She tosses and flops around and gets up and drinks and watches tv through out the night so it is probably safer for her in a crib and more restful for us :(

[MarineWife]

I feel the same way. My LOs are now almost 7 years old and 3.5 years old. We just started transitioning them to their own room, which they share, in July. It's kind of silly, actually, because we all still end up sleeping together. We just play musical beds all night and I get even less sleep. We originally tried their bunkbeds. Dad and I would take turns laying down with each of the boys but one of us big people having to climb onto the top bunk was getting ridiculous. Now their bed is just two twin mattresses on the floor next to each other because neither will lay down and go to sleep alone.

We first put the boys to sleep in their bed, during which time both dh and I fall asleep. At some time during the night one of us will wake up and go into our room. I'm usually the one to wake up first so I try to get dh to get up and come in our room since the whole reason for doing this was so that we would have time together, as you said not for sex but just to be close. Sometimes he gets up then and sometimes it's not until much later. So then a lot of nights I end up sleeping a portion of the night alone in my room. Then at some point our almost 7yo invariably wakes up and climbs into bed with us. The 3yo wakes occasionally and comes in bed with us but he is more likely to stay the whole night in his room.

Last night I wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. I heard dh getting the boys to bed in their room. I know he was doing it because I felt bad and he thought it would be better for me to be alone rather than having the LOs squirming all over the place next to me. It made me very sad, though, and even a little angry that dh would keep the kids away from me. It didn't work anyway. 7yo ds insisted on going to bed with me, which was fine with me. DH and 3yo ds slept most of the night in the boys' room but both did come into our room around 4 am when ds woke up and said he wanted to be with me. Again, we didn't get our intimate time together. As a matter of fact, it was even worse because dh and I were in separate rooms rather than just on opposite sides of the bed.

I'm ready to give up trying to get the boys to sleep in their room. It's just so much easier and I get much better sleep if we all go to sleep together in one place and stay there. Even if we do spend all of this time trying to transition them to their own room, once dh deploys again in the spring, they'll be back in bed with me just because it's easier. The only thing that concerns me at this point is that I'm pregnant and I don't know how the sleeping arrangement will work once the baby comes. Both boys insist on sleeping next to me atm. My 7yo might be mature enough to agree to sleep on the other side of one of his younger siblings by then. We shall see.