2 y/o and violent shows on TV

[triana1326]

So my DH and I like to watch shows that are a bit on the violent/graphic side (CSI, Criminal Minds, etc). We only really get to watch them once in a while - once a week at most. Lately my DH has been up in arms about our 2 year old DD being exposed to these shows. Here's our set-up: Usually, DD is playing in the room or sitting with one of us reading books while the show is on. She does watch the TV occasionally. Last night there was a rather violent scene on Criminal Minds that she was watching while sitting in my lap supposedly reading a book. DH got really pissed off that she was being exposed to "that kind of stuff". I honestly was so tired and didn't even think about the fact that DD was watching the TV while we were reading. I know he's right, that she shouldn't be exposed to violent shows, but we also need to have some "down time" of our own. DD normally doesn't get to sleep before 10pm (we're all night owls), and we have no VCR or DVR so recording them to watch later at night is not a possibility. DH and I were/are both social workers that have seen the effects of violent TV and games in families that we've worked with, so I'm not discounting the reasons behind DH's reaction. 

So I guess my question is this: Am I messing up my DD by exposing her to graphic TV shows at such a young age? Is DH way over-reacting to her exposure? and how would you handle our situation?

[myfairbabies]

We don't allow it, but we have the internet at home so we just hook our laptops up to the TV after she's in bed and watch it on Hulu or CBS. We don't have cable or DVR either. However, my dd also goes to bed at around 9 and we stay up late, do you get any alone time? We don't even like her to hear the scary scenes so we don't watch any TV when she's around. I remember being traumatized by scary shows when I was little (but not that young) and having nightmares for years.

[la mamita]

Yes, I love my detective shows and R-rated movies but once my kid started actually watching (instead of just nursing or sleeping alongside), I promptly turned them off. I watch after bedtime or when I get a free afternoon. It has definitely limited my TV/movie time (I only watched DVD shows or Netflix, no actual TV, so it's more flexible timewise) but I think it's a necessary tradeoff. Kids are really sensitive to the kind of graphic violence shown on TV, and I really see that now that my kid is a few years older--any exposure to violence or scary TV, even stuff aimed at kids, leaves the images in his head for a few days and can sometimes cause nightmares.

Definitely turn the TV off when your kid is awake and watching, and be creative to find a new way to get your fix. Netflix might be the way to do that. Or you can rent DVDs from the public library which is free.

[beebalmmama]

I would not have it on when they are around at that age. We started getting more careful about what ds was watching once he was actually looking at the t.v. and not just playing/nursing. My ds has always been very sensitive and was terrified by several Disney movies that were being shown at his daycare (yeah don't even let me start on that right now). At 5 he still remembers movies that were "scary" and still won't want watch any of them today. We're talking Nemo, Monsters Inc, etc. So yeah I really think kids are absorbing a lot even at that age.

[Nicole730]

Another vote for turning off the tv.  I watch so much less tv now than I ever did because of having children.  I don't have a dvr and the vcr won't work with the new signals.  Sometimes I watch on the laptop, but mostly I forget.  We watch netflix stuff after DS is in bed.  I did have an episode of Medium on a few months ago and totally freaked out when I realized DS was staring at it while there was a dead guy in the morgue.  Not something I want him seeing at this point.

[ecoteat]

I would add those shows to the list of sacrifices we make for our children. There is absolutely no way I'd have my dd in the same room as that stuff. There are other ways for you and your dh to unwind.

[Smidge]

Originally Posted by ecoteat 

I would add those shows to the list of sacrifices we make for our children. There is absolutely no way I'd have my dd in the same room as that stuff. There are other ways for you and your dh to unwind.

This. 

[not_telling]

Originally Posted by la mamita 

Yes, I love my detective shows and R-rated movies but once my kid started actually watching (instead of just nursing or sleeping alongside), I promptly turned them off. I watch after bedtime or when I get a free afternoon. It has definitely limited my TV/movie time (I only watched DVD shows or Netflix, no actual TV, so it's more flexible timewise) but I think it's a necessary tradeoff. Kids are really sensitive to the kind of graphic violence shown on TV, and I really see that now that my kid is a few years older--any exposure to violence or scary TV, even stuff aimed at kids, leaves the images in his head for a few days and can sometimes cause nightmares.

Definitely turn the TV off when your kid is awake and watching, and be creative to find a new way to get your fix. Netflix might be the way to do that. Or you can rent DVDs from the public library which is free.

[dalia]

I'm with everyone else on this. It's just another sacrifice we make for our kids. Before I had my ds I was addicts to reality crime shows like 48 hours and dateline. Now that i've given them up I can tell you that I feel a lot better mentally! Honestly, these kinds of shows aren't that great for grownups either! For now I have grown to love the hallmark channel. Lol!

[dalia]

I'm with everyone else on this. It's just another sacrifice we make for our kids. Before I had my ds I was addicts to reality crime shows like 48 hours and dateline. Now that i've given them up I can tell you that I feel a lot better mentally! Honestly, these kinds of shows aren't that great for grownups either! For now I have grown to love the hallmark channel. Lol!

[LynnS6]

I think this is the case of where you know your dh is right, but it's hard to change.

I'd go even further, however, and say that unless your dd is actively watching (i.e. a kids show), the TV should not be on. Research has shown that kids who play with the TV on in the background have less rich play than kids who play without the TV.

I'm sympathetic to you wanting to watch TV to wind down, but I think you need to find something else to do. Does your budget have a VCR in it? They're pretty cheap at Goodwill, since many people have moved on to DVD/DVR kinds of things. If you can possibly swing a DVR, I'd go for that. I'd say that a DVR is one of the best things I could have done for dh. He likes to watch TV, and I was adamant that he not have the TV on all the time while the kids were around. His dad did that, and it drove me nuts. So, our TV is in the basement. You have to make an active decision to watch it. By doing that, dh has had to prioritize what he wants to watch. FIFA soccer and Mythbusters win out most times, and other junk doesn't. The DVR is really good for the kids too. They're not channel surfers. They just watch the recorded show and stop (because the show stops).

[Stacey12]

Perhaps you can record the show and watch it later?

[shanniesue2]

This past summer, we started getting too lax about movie time (we don't have cable and don't get any TV channels).  And we were letting DS (almost 3) watch movies that at the time I didn't really think anything of (i.e. Toy Story).  Well in the last few months, we have started to see some significant behaviors in DS that we don't like.  Specifically, shooting.  He shoots us when he gets mad.  And he says things like "I want to kill you."  and "I'm dead."  So, now we are going back to severely limiting movie time.  And we are being a lot more careful about what we let him watch.  I would think that if a show like Toy Story or other "children's" movie can have the kind of effect that it had on DS, then a show like CSI also runs the risk of affecting a child at this age. 

I'm learning my lesson the hard way.  And I'm totally with you on needing the down time.  DH and I both work full time and come home feeling completely drained.  It's hard to work up the energy to get down and do some block or playdough play at the end of the day.  But I really think that, looking down the road, if we continue on the path that we've been on, it's going to be a lot harder and a lot more energy draining to deal with the behaviors that can develop from watching TV/movies that aren't really appropriate, ykim?  So I'm trying to look at the shift as an investment, I guess.

[crunchy_mommy]

Maybe one of you can read & play with her in the other room, while the other gets 'down time' with the TV? And alternate or whatever... Also find other ways to relax (maybe listening to music, reading, family games, just sitting & talking)... I think it's really hard having a night-owl toddler (mine goes to bed 11:30pm so I totally understand!!) so you need to find a way to get your down time in without exposing her to unnecessary violence etc.

[Peony]

All of my toddlers have been nightowls, DD1 didn't go to bed before us for years so I totally understand. I do agree that she is old that the TV needs to be off, watch shows that are less violent or take turns with her in another room. Our youngest is 19m and he often stays up when the older two are in bed with us and we limit what we watch around him. I do not keep the TV on for background noise but if it is 9pm, he is still awake isn't going to bed any time soon, DH and I might catch part of a comedy show or something while DS roams around the house. Honestly, DH and I stopped watching crime/medical/violent shows when DD1 was a toddler because we were never without her right there, I never really picked them back up again because we always have a toddler roaming around. 

[appalachiamama]

We don't watch those things at our house--too violent for me, too.  I permit our toddler to watch the Food Network and babies being born on A Baby Story.  It's way too early for any kind of violence.  It's funny how sensitive you become when you become a parent.

[Toposlonoshlep]

Originally Posted by appalachiamama 

We don't watch those things at our house--too violent for me, too.  I permit our toddler to watch the Food Network and babies being born on A Baby Story.  It's way too early for any kind of violence.  It's funny how sensitive you become when you become a parent.

I don't let my son watch Baby Story! I think 90% of the time, the way they represent birth leaves a kid (at least my DS) feeling traumatized. He is very interested in babies being born as well, and I go through pictures of his birth with him, but I don't want him to see the medical drama on that show...