OMG, Where Did These TANTRUMS Come From??!!

[not_telling]

DS has become a hot mess and it's driving me and DH insane.  He's almost 2.5 yrs now and I keep reading on here how 2.5 is the beginning of really hard.  I don't know if this is part of normal 2.5 yr. behavior or not.

He was sick this past week with congestion and fever.  Fever broke on the third night (4 days ago).  He does not have an ear infection (Doctor checked 2 days ago).  He does have his first two-year molar coming in.  He's been having a lot more upsets/meltdowns and mommy clinginess than usual, but we're especially vexed by the sleep/bed-related tantrums.  Yesterday at naptime he fell asleep peacefully in my arms and stayed asleep when I transitioned him to his bed...which never happens.  He rarely falls asleep in my arms, but he never sleeps through the transition.  At bedtime I stayed with him for almost an hour holding his hand while he fell asleep in his bed.  No problem.  Then, at 2am, he woke up and DH went in.  DS was upset that it wasn't mommy who went in.  DH offered hugs, hand holding etc.  DS continued to be very upset.  DH realized that DS's diaper was soaking wet.  DS flipped out about having his diaper changed.  Screaming "No! NO!  Stop Daddy!"  I ended up going in cuz I knew it would take two people to get the diaper changed.  Then DH left the room and I tried to calm DS down.  Offered hugs, hand holding, etc.  But he was just absolutely freaking out and nothing I could do seemed to help.  I will say that DH and I have been a bit sleep-deprived lately and while we may have started out calm-ish in our interactions with DS, at 2am it was really hard to stay calm, iykwim.  I ended up leaving his room and then coming back in multiple times.  He would scream he didn't want me.  I'd leave.  He'd scream for me to come back.  Again and again.  Ultimately, there was nothing I could do (that I could think of).  I went back to bed.  DH and I lay there, our own blood boiling, while we listened to DS scream for another 20 minutes and then finally go to sleep.  The whole ordeal lasted 70 minutes.

Just now at naptime, everything seemed to be going well until I put him in his bed.  We had had stories and lots of cozy snuggles and looking into each other's eyes and smiling.  Then once he was in bed, he started to freak out about his covers.  He wouldn't say what was wrong with them, but kept kicking them off then saying he needed them on.  Over and over.  He got mad if i asked him how he wanted them to be.  I tried many different variations (sheet up, blanket up; sheet up, blanket halfway up; etc.).  He just kept freaing out.  HE'd say he wanted me to hold his hand, so I'd try to, then he'd yell about needing his covers.  I'd put covers on and sit down to hold his hand and then he'd kick them off again.  He got mad about the way I was asking what was wrong (the wording I was using??).  Craziness.  I left the room for a couple minutes - he kept screaming of course.  I went back in.  He said he needed me to hold his hand.  I tried to, and he said he needed the blankets on.  I put them on, he kicked them off.  I said I couldn't keep putting them on.  Then I said, "Let's see how many times I put them on.  I already put them on once this time, so this will be the second time."  I put the blankets on.  He left them alone.  I held his hand.  He fell asleep almost immediately.

What is going on??  We don't know how much to blame the molar.  How much to blame getting over something.  We've been having a low-key week since he's been sick, so it's not like he's being overscheduled/overstimulated.

HELP! 

[dalia]

Yikes! Sorry no input just hugs!

[kriket]

I could have wrote your post. Major hugs. We been battling the sniffles and teeth coming in. Sleeping has gone out the window, both DH and I are at our wits end. Plus I am 9w pregnant and exhausted.  I have read and reread the No Cry Solution and we are working on not nursing to sleep, and that is helping a little. It's 2 steps forward, one step back a lot of the time. I've thought about trying to get him interested in a lovie, but he doesn't seem interested. DS will NOT allow for covers, but he's a little younger at 20m. So he also can't talk about things like covers or who he wants to change his diaper.

I keep thinking it may be nutrition. Since I am pregnant, we have been eating some strange things. Lots of pasta, lots of Kraft Dinner And winter, we haven't been able to get out and run around in a while.

[not_telling]

Originally Posted by kriket 

I could have wrote your post. Major hugs. We been battling the sniffles and teeth coming in. Sleeping has gone out the window, both DH and I are at our wits end. Plus I am 9w pregnant and exhausted.  I have read and reread the No Cry Solution and we are working on not nursing to sleep, and that is helping a little. It's 2 steps forward, one step back a lot of the time. I've thought about trying to get him interested in a lovie, but he doesn't seem interested. DS will NOT allow for covers, but he's a little younger at 20m. So he also can't talk about things like covers or who he wants to change his diaper.

I keep thinking it may be nutrition. Since I am pregnant, we have been eating some strange things. Lots of pasta, lots of Kraft Dinner And winter, we haven't been able to get out and run around in a while.

I also was realizing that we haven't been outside to walk around/play in over a week since it's been so cold and he's been sick.  I was wondering if things (sleep in particular) might get better once we start doing outside time again.

[kriket]

I'm praying it does. This winter is already a struggle for me, and it's not even winter yet :( I'm already ready for spring. I'm thinking about hibernating until then!

[Eresh]

nak

have you thought maybe its sleep related but control related?  and maybe hes acting out then is because hes tired.  i say this because ds1 went through middle of the night tantrums.  he would throw his pacifier or sippy down the stairs (over the gate at the top) and demand we go get it for him and then throw it away again if we got it.  we finally stopped retrieving his things when he threw them and just let him finish his tantrum.  eventually it would run its course and he would want to snuggle and go back to sleep.  it was a lot easier to get through it when i wasnt trying to actually make him stop ... if that makes.  after a couple of weeks of not enabling the behavior, it stopped.  not neccesarily your situation but what happened with us.  oh he also did this at other times of the day but especially at nap and bed times.

good luck.   this too shall pass.

[blizzard_babe]

Wait, how did DS1 end up at your house? Little turd isn't supposed to attempt cross-country air travel by himself.

The covers thing... ugh. TOTALLY just got out of that phase here. Wanted covers. Snuggled under covers. Got angry at covers, thrashed them off. Cried for covers. Snuggled under covers. Angrily thrashed them off. I actually ended up telling him that if he wanted covers, he was going to have to pull them up by himself any time after the first thrashing. I'd help him, but he had to do the "work."

But yeah. 2 1/2 is rough so far. So much screaming and thrashing. The contradictory requests and subsequent tantrums when, for example, the bread is unbuttered, and then again when it is buttered. I can't blame molars or lack of speech causing frustration... he's fully toothed and has an exceptional vocabulary (can even name his emotions as he's pitching spectacular fits... "I'M FRUSTRATED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NO IT WON'T WORK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!") DS1 might just end up in a snowbank. I told a friend that if she's driving through our neighborhood and sees a little pair of legs sticking out of a snowbank to please extricate DS1 and bring him home with a bottle of wine for me because I've got off the deep end.

Joking of course. I wouldn't throw DS1 headfirst into a snowbank. Feetfirst, maybe .

[not_telling]

Oh Blizzard_Babe, you made me laugh

Update: My sister and I took DS outside yesterday afternoon to run around and kick the soccer ball around.  Then we took a walk around the block (DS insisted on being carried most of the way).  AND...he slept 8 hours straight last night.  Only a semi-fuss at bedtime when DH took him in the bathroom for pottytime.  Another change last night was that instead of DH doing the first part of bedtime routine and me doing the second part, we more or less did the first part together.  DS seemed to want both parents there with him.  Also, I massaged him with calendula lotion on his legs, arms, back and tummy, too.  He hasn't been complaining about being itchy, but sometimes he feels a little dry to me, and I was always itchy when I was a kid and it drove me crazy.  This morning he did have a major fuss about going potty and then about picking out or not picking out his clothes (Mommy do it.  No, I do it.  No, mommy do it.  Etc.).  With his morning fusses I've been thinking it could be in part that he's hungry, cuz things always seem better after he eats.  I wonder if I should start keeping a little "wake up treat" upstairs...something small to eat before we do morning potty, diaper, getting dressed.

Eresh, I appreciate your thought about him being tired.  He's definitely been more tired than he wants to admit lately, in my opinion.