5-7 yr age gaps - Page 2

[zjande]

 HumbleLuna- I just noticed your avatar. I made that same dragon cake for 2 of my kids! :D Isn't it soo cool? :)

[justKate]

This is a very comforting thread!  I have one DD (2 yrs yesterday!), but due to financial constraints it looks like she will be closer to 4 or 5 before we give her a sibling. I'm trying to be at peace with it, and cherish the time we have with just her, but I've always envisioned my children closer in age.  *Sigh* It's good to hear the positive experiences....

[HumbleLuna]

Originally Posted by zjande 

 HumbleLuna- I just noticed your avatar. I made that same dragon cake for 2 of my kids! :D Isn't it soo cool? :)

Hey Zjande!

We were in a due date club together, December 07!  I had a son, born Jan1st 2008, named Solomon.My user name used to be Mamablueberry. I am in Oregon too, and a blogger!

Yes, that was a great cake, hard to beat, this year he asked for a 3-d yellow duck.
 

[treeoflife3]

I am 4.5 years older than my brother and I hate it.  We probably won't be able to have another kiddo til Kiddo is 5-7 years old too and I'm very very upset about it.  Its the very last thing I wanted.

I don't like being older than my brother because we were never close.  He is still in his junior year of high school and I'm married with a kid in another state.  Our worlds are so different that we can't even hold a basic phone conversation.  He is busy thinking about how quickly he can beat the video game he just bought and I'm thinking about how we are going to use our tax money and if we can refinance the car.

We've just never had anything in common.  He was trying to learn the alphabet and I was already working on times tables and dipping my toes into division.  I was starting cursive.  He still got three recess's during his school day while I was only getting some outside time after lunch and wondering about dating and my boobs being so much larger than the other girls because many hadn't gotten to that point yet.  He was still interested in cartoons while I was going out with friends who had their drivers licenses.

there was definitely jealousy too.  He was the baby everyone gushed over.  Granted, we were the only kids in our family and I've always had a higher need for attention, but it drove me bonkers how much he could get away with simply because he was younger.  Sure, I got some privileges before him and I was 'mom's helper' but I also had a little brother who couldn't stand that 'YOU'RE JUST LIKE MOM!' because I was expected to help take care of him (and babysat him during the day in the summers from the time I was 11 on.)

I don't want my kiddo to feel the way I did.  I WANTED to be close to him, but I had to be an extension of my mom so that combined with the fact that we had so little common ground just created a relationship where he saw me as the annoying older person who didn't care about what he wanted and couldn't understand him.

I know it works out really well for a lot of people to have the age gap, and I know it'll be better for me to have kids that far apart in age but being the older sibling in that age gap... it DIDN'T work for me then.  We fought plenty... mostly because I had to be in charge all the time.  I couldn't ever be his friend and partner in crime and even when I tried, he preferred to use that as an opportunity to get back at me.  I'm not sure if we'll ever have a close relationship after a couple decades of barely knowing each other.

I REALLY hope kiddo doesn't have the experience I did because there is really no way around it without forcing my husband into something he would hate.  I really hope it works as well for her and her younger sibling as it does for others *sigh*

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

My stepkids were 6 and 8 when my daughter was born, and they lived with us at the time, so I might able to offer some perspective. They adored my daughter. Absolutely doted on her. You couldn't turn around with them asking to hold her or help change her diaper or dress her or bring me a glass of water. It was wonderful. They were so sweet and kind with her, and my stepdaughter especially really really took to being a big sister. As she got older, they loved playing with her and them being able to make her laugh was a source of joy for all of us. I had built in short-term baby sitters. They were old enough for me to trust them while I took a shower, walked to the mailbox, ran to talk to a next door neighbor, and it made a MAJOR difference. She just turned three, and they're nine and eleven now, and not much has changed, except now I can say, "Hey, you wanna take Gwen to the park for me?"

I do have to be careful not to overdo it- they start to get resentful if they don't get enough baby-free time- just like me! They have special toys that are kept only in their rooms and that she isn't allowed to play with, and I'm very careful to enforce that. Really, there are challenges to any sort of age gap. I think it can work any way you need it to.

~Rose