One child homeschooled, the other not?

[Mizelenius]

My oldest (almost 9) went to our local KG, and then I pulled her out the following school year.  This is our 3rd year hs'ing.  She does not want to go back.  She is very self-directed and resists pretty much all formal learning from me.   I'd personally rather have more of a rhythm to the day than we have now, but it's been so long since we've had one (a new baby always does that to me) that we lead mostly unstructured days.

My 5 y.o. wanted to attend KG.  She craves structure and sort of falls apart (not tantrums, just a lot of teasing and problems) when she does not have it.  She loves school.  Some days she says she does not, but she almost always goes willingly (older DD did not) and comes home in a pretty good mood.  The work is too easy but they've done a pretty good job with a pullout type program for her, and she does not seem to find the boring work boring, or at least she is compliant.  (She's been reading since she was 4 and every single day she still has to do things like circle sight words.)  She has made many friends and has a place of her own, now, which is a very good thing when you are the 2nd child among 4 girls.

The issue is, I do not like this situation.  I wish they would either both be in school, or both homeschooled.  (I'd definitely stick out this school year in the current situation, however.)  I dislike that we all have to get ready to go/come back for one person.  There are many hs outings and classes we have to miss because of the pickup time.  (And nope, no one can pick her up for me.  Outside help is not an option.)  I do not feel fully invested in either option right now. 

DH doesn't complain about hsing, but he is not a fan, so his preference would be to send them both to school.  As my older one is getting more of a traditional "school age" I am starting to find more classes that would work and I am going to try to join a weekly enrichment co-op (I'll apply, but religion may be an issue).  That way older DD can get (which she wants) that one day of school feeling, but be hs'd.  I am thinking if it works, it will be a good option for my 2nd DD next year.  BUT, if she really loves school (and she seems to), it seems very selfish of me.

Thoughts?  Experiences?

(Oh, and I looked for similar threads on this  but could not find any-- if you know of some, please pass them along!)

[AAK]

I hear you!  While I do currently have both "school aged" kids at home, last year I had one in and one out.  That is the worst!  It is annoying to straddle both positions.  But, my youngest (kinder age next fall) sounds like your kid--and though I know the work will be easy for her, I am thinking of sending her to K.  She, in particular, will benefit from the 'easy' work as she is a perfectionist who constantly compares herself to her sister (who is 6 years older).  

It sounds like you need to find a "schooly" thing for the younger (not older) child that is not "school".  She is the one who loves school.  I know you could leave her there.  But, since things are easy now, they will most likely get boring by grade three.  By then, it isn't fun anymore for the work to be easy and to be the "smart" kid in class--it is boring and a waste of time.  Your oldest (unless I misread) doesn't seem to want the school experience at all.  So, I would try to find a 1 or 2 day/week thing for the current kindergartener.  I would leave her at the school for the year and start the new thing next year.  Our school district has an "alternative experience" option available where the kid does core work at home and comes either one full day/week or 2 half days/week for classes.  Technically, that child is still a public school student unless you request that they be a .9 student.  

How about the other two?  Are you going to want to send them each to kinder and then pull out?  Do you think you would really prefer the kids be "in" school?  If so, maybe you should disregard my above advise.  Start prepping the 9 yr old for entering school when she is in grade 6 (middle school) or grade 9 (high school).  Or find an alternative program for her that gives her flexibility while allowing everyone to be "in" school.  

Sorry, this may sound random.  I am really tired.  I think about this a lot though--because it really does suck to straddle both worlds.  At least I thought so.  Right now, even if #3 does kinder, we expect to pull her out for first.  My dh wants our kids to attend high school.  So that is the plan for now.  Although, I don't really think our #2 will do well in a school environment ever so unless that changes, our plan for her may change as we grow.  High school will hopefully be easier to do while hs other kids.  Primarily because my kids will not require me to get them to/from the school.  

Amy

[kittie313]

I've actually seriously considered doing just what you are doing right now with one in school and one not.  Except in my case it would be 3 in school and 1 not come next school year (if we send littlest dd to Head Start).  My oldest went to ps for part of her K year and had a really bad time of it, to where she will NOT go back to ps if she has any say in the matter (which we let her have an opinion because she does have that PS experience and knows what its like for her).  My second and third dd want to go, they bug me every day about it asking me to let them.  They are now in grades 1 and pre-k.  In the fall they will be in grades 2 and K, and we have full-day K here in my district.  They both are ahead academically, with my 1st grader working on some grade 2-3 work and my 4yo working on a K-1 level, so it would be more of a matter of them being bored in school I think.  I have no issues with letting them go, especially since I talked to the bus garage already and they said that if we do enroll any of our kids that they will happily put a stop in at my corner since I have the only kids in my neighborhood and there are parking lots that the bus can use for a turn-around (and my mobility on bad days helped too, explaining that situation made the garage manager say he'd do everything possible to make it happen if we wanted to enroll instead of hs'ing for any of our kids).  I often worry about the juggling act that it would cause with having one hs'ing and 2 or 3 ps'ing, which right now is the ONLY thing that keeps me from doing it.

[mattemma04]

My ds likes school(Montessori).He is 8.My dd goes to the same school,and pretty much dislikes any type of schooling.She is 11. I plan to homeschool her and let her test out(GED) when she is ready. It can work. I homeschooled my dd for 6 months while ds was already in Montessori. I will do whatever works for each child.

[BusyBee]

I've been homeschooling my ds (10) for 2 years now.. It was really hard the first year.  This year he is cooperative because we had IQ testeing and he was show to be profoundly gifted with weak areas to work on.  He knows that he needs an idividualized academic program and is willing to comply now that it  has been explained to him.   I just pulled my dd (7) out of shcool and we will be starting to homeschool her too.  It was tough having two kids in different places.  I really wanted them to be doing the same thing wherever it was, but for those 2 years it was not that way.  Despite the problems, it was the best decision for those 2 years.  My dd liked some parts of school but was dissappointed in others.  Finally it came to the point where it was just to "babyish" for her and it drove her nuts and the problem just seemed to get worse the older she got.  My choice was to skip her a grade or bring her home.  For various reasons we brought her home and I am looking forward to being able to do things with our homeschool group now.  It was only after we decided to pull my dd out of school that my dh said, "I used to question why we should take her out of school, but now, if you change your mind, you're going to really have to explain why we should ever put her back in!"

[Lisa1970]

We did this before. Where we had one in school with the other at home. It did not go as well as I would have liked. I hated missing things because of having to work around the public school schedule.

Personally, I would definitely not put the older one back in just because the younger one is there. I would let the younger one finish the year and do what it takes to get her to want to be home. Short of her begging to stay in school, I would keep her home. But I would not put the older one in for her.

Good luck!