Frustrated

[babygirlie]

Me again...

I'm getting a bit... stressed.  My child use to be a quiet wonderful little girl who rocked and watched tv and ate everything I gave her or moved her head away if full. She was learning about toys and while the baby toys are hard for her she was sort of getting it. She's 20 months btw. Her communication and behavior was rated at 2 and 3month levels.

Her EI teacher has been here several times now. Dd finished her EI dx and her medical dx by now. (autism/PDD-NOS/global delays).

The only thing she has learned from this teacher is... quite frankly... how to be mean. And it's making me frustrated. I miss my little girl. The only things she's learned how to do is to shove people around, get angry when she doesn't get her way, instead of moving her mouth she now knocks the food out of my hand throwing applesauce all over the place. She's stopped babbling or even trying to talk now, though she does scream and whine. She hardly eats and is throwing fits if everything is not how she wants things. Her melt downs used to be 5 seconds of whining and immediately forget about it. Now if the door is closed she screams bloody murder until it's opened again and it's COLD outside!  She is eating her banana for breakfast but it's a struggle to chase her around to get 4 ounces of turkey puree down her. Yeah, I also reverted into treating her like a baby because I'm worried she is going to wither away. I handed her a small bite of pizza (GF) a few minutes ago and she looked charming and took it then slammed it onto the ground.. like try it again! I DARE you to try to be nice to me! Then she went and ate some fuzz off a speaker! Last night she painted her crib in poop and giggled like crazy. THAT's funny??

The teacher is obsessed with putting things away. Super obsessed and lately just makes us play with her while she babbles on about random stuff, sometimes relavant. My dd doesn't understand a darn thing she is doing. "We put our bottle away when done" was the first months assignment. I'm not doing that. She NEEDS food. She's 22 pounds. It took her a year and half to use a bottle. She has NO idea what putting one away is. I want her to eat as much as she can! Teacher1 said grazing makes you fat. Yes her parents are fat though she pointed to her own much smaller tummy tire when she said that. When she is done with her bottle she slams it on the ground. If she wants another bite she spits out whats in her mouth and opens it up for more. She has no concept of this idea. Oh and last time it was no bottles at night so she doesn't get milk teeth which causes cavities. Sorry but she gets milk at night and God bless the dentist who can pry her mouth open to take a look because I can't, so no we don't brush our teeth; (and I feel bad about that) but she is small and really needs any vitamins I can get in her and there's no way I'm giving her water for dinner. Usually the milk is all she's been having for dinner. *sigh*

The last month has been to put away our toys when done. She doesn't even play with toys! I don't want them put away. Play with whatever the heck you want! throw them around but get smarter! USE them. She has no idea what to do with toys. She can't mimic for some reason. All she does all day is walk around in circles. She has three boxes of toys in front of her, two stand up baby piano table toys with other stuff. I mean she will go push a button every now and then but that's it.

Maybe my house looks really messy and she's grooming her to be a housekeeper when she grows up.

Also we finally got the autistic teacher to come and anytime the lady tried to say something teacher1 would teach block her. Oh I told them that! - (actually you didn't).. Autistic teacher.. well I could tell them about this... Teacher1, Oh I can tell them that next time!. (I WANT to hear what the specialist says! and I know the T1 won't tell me)

I mean why bother coming over here? It seems pointless. Seems the only thing it's doing is forcing me to have a clean house when they show up and to ruin my whole day when I could be doing something else. Though in my depression I wouldn't clean normally and so that's a push that I need. I'm paranoid they will take my baby away after hearing some stories on here.

There WAS talk of JUST the autism teacher coming.. but Teacher1 blocked that too. Why does she want to come over here that badly? She is always late, sometimes forgets we had an appointment. She just blow in an out of here quickly.

Teacher1 doesn't remember anything about my family or what she's shown dd. I even gave her dd's medical report and offered to make a copy for the autism teacher when she said, No! I can do it. I asked and the Autism teacher if she got it and she said no but that she's sure the other lady would give her a copy. She had plenty of time to give it to her.

Ends up that autism lady isn't returning but I signed up to go to her classes somewhere which I haven't gotten confirmation with. It's a first come basis so I don't know if I made the list or not. It's a 5 week course here in town or a 15 week course and 3 hours of driving (which I have agoraphobia) out of town for I would guess a better class. So I guess I hope I get in due to gas money and my own fears.

I can't take another month of the "done box" and forcing my kid manually to put toys away which she never even played with or gives a rats behind about. It's so pointless.

I guess I'm naive enough to think ok come here 2 hours a month, do some teaching and make her smarter! Instead I get a bunch of babbling b* and stuff my kid isn't going to ever do any time soon. Before we do done box how about we get her to USE a toy. My goodness the truck has wheels why can't she push it! Tell me WHY she can't push a stupid truck! small ones.. big ones... nothing!

Just my little baby who never needed me is now terribly mean to me. Bites me, bites the couch, gave me a fat lip yesterday that bled and swelled and she laughed at me. Thought I might need stitches hurt so bad. I wanted her so very much.. more than anything anyone's ever wanted in their whole life... and now I just want to hide from her and cry  :(

And she still doesn't know what the heck a done box is. She has ten thousand toys and they haven't left their toy box this week (unless I've touched them).

oh btw the autism teacher after like one sentence from me... took ONE toy from her boxes of toys in the living room... a big stuffed rabbit. One toy.. one choice... and my daughter's face lit up like a christmas tree. My dd actually laughed and smiled. A toy that's been here her whole life and maybe it was a coincidence but that was the only toy the other teacher picked up to play with dd and she was so happy. THAT's the teacher I want :(  Someone who can connect without forcing her hands on things and juggling her around and making her mad. There has to be a better way to teach a child than making them mad. Clearly it's not helping. She doesn't even know how to PUT something IN a box for FUN let alone as a chore!  I'd be ecstatic if she put ANY object into a basket, bucket, bowl, toy car... for fun. She can't even toss yet... though this slamming things on the floor disgustedly is a start

Edited by babygirlie - 12/19/10 at 4:42pm

[Kristine233]

Oi, what a nightmare. First of all, I'd tell the teachers who are worthless to shove it and not allow them back. Obviously they aren't helping at all and your daughter is getting frustrated. It sounds like that teacher read some theory or method somewhere and is stuck on enforcing that instead of individualizing what she does to your child. Its going to take some time to undo the work they've done to cause the frustration, but with patience I'm sure you can. A child shouldn't be frustrated during therapy or school, its simply NOT helpful and they aren't going to learn anything.  They'll start to get frustrated in anticipation of it and also get cranky and defiant during other times too.  Find a method that you think your daughter will respond to and basically start over. While they say EI is important, its also important to follow a child's cues and know when its too much.  You see a difference in your child and see that its not going well, follow your gut and do what YOU think is best for her vs what some teacher who can't even remember your family details thinks is important.

I'm sorry that she is not working out and being so difficult for you guys, I'd boot her to the curb. Hopefully you are able to get in with the Autism teacher, it sounds like she got your daughter more. If you don't, perhaps you can ask her for some pointers on things to try at home.  If you haven't already check and see if you can get OT, and an OT that is actually experienced with ASD kids and is playful.  Ours was the major player in DS's development when he was little, she made all the difference for him!

Goodluck!

Edited by Kristine233 - 12/19/10 at 7:12pm

[CarrieMF]

You have to get rid of Teacher 1, even if it means no longer having EI as it is not helping.  It sounds like this teacher has no training in autism. 

She isn't turning your dd into a witch, your dd is telling you(through behaviour) she's frustrated & confused.   I worked with an autistic boy(8/9) and he rarely played with toys.  He had to be taught hand over hand what to do with a toy as it wasn't a naturally occuring process for him.  When it was snack time at school he had to be taught to eat, again hand over hand.  Ironically he has severe PICA & would eat non-edible things but didn't know when the other kids sat down to eat he was to do the same thing too.

Can you contact the Autism teacher directly?  Is there any training for parents with kids who have autism near you other than this 1 teacher?  they aren't cheap to come in but she may be able to give you ideas through email.

[Kristine233]

I should also include that its normal for Autistic kids not to play with toys, as Carrie mentioned.  When they do start it may not be how you or I would determine they "should" be played with.  My son (who is Autistic) never played with toys at that age and eventually he started playing with them in his own way. Probably around 2 1/2 to 3 years old is when we started noticing more spontaneous toy play. Of course it wasn't the "normal" type of play. Now he's picky about his toys, he doesn't play with everything you'd suspect kids do. It has to be stuff he can build with.  My daughter (recently received a dx from the school as Autism Spectrum as well) never played with toys either.  She loves toys, but really only carries them around.  She likes to have them, not "play".  They are both very normal for Autistic children and they just don't require large amounts of toys to clutter up the house. Bonus for me, lol. Although recently my son and daughter have been combining forces and he builds contraptions for her toys to use. Like a car (that powers itself forward) for her littlest petshop animals. I think this is awesome and a huge step for them.

[Smithie]

No matter what, teacher1 goes. I'd start with calling the autism teacher directly, and if that bears no fruit, call teacher1's supervisor.

You might try asking for therapy in a preschool setting - it's cheaper to provide and those programs can be wonderful. My DS (not ASD, but many ASD-like symptoms at various points) was in a program two mornings a week where I could watch him through a one-way mirror. It was awesome, it was great for him, and nobody came to my house. Your DD is going to be in many such group therapy settings in the next few years, so you may as well start now if it's available. 

But as PPs have said, no therapy is better than bad therapy, and right now you are getting bad therapy. Good therapy is out there, you've seen it. Go chase it. 

[beachcomber]

Agree with PP who say that Teacher 1 needs to be sent packing. She's doing no help to your DD and causing you untold stress. Not worth it for you or DD. You need to get your DD back and reducing her stress will help with that. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much with the people who are supposed to be helping. :( Hugs to you, mama.