Finding people to come to your birth...

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

So I'm in a bit of a pickle.

I'm planning a homebirth in August with midwives. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to have enough people to do everything.

The midwife and her assistant will be there, obviously. Basically I need someone to keep an eye on my daughter, and give my husband a break for labor support, and I'd really like to have someone there to take pictures. I don't want super fancy photography- just someone who could set up my digital camera with video and take some pictures.

I'm short of homebirth-supportive friends. Actually I'm short of friends, period. My best friend moved away a few months ago, and I had a really crazy fall, so I've been rather antisocial lately. I definitely don't know anybody local who I would feel comfortable enough inviting a homebirth and taking pictures of my baby crowning! I am active in my LLL and the local birth community, but I haven't made any real "friends" yet, if you know what I mean. It's just people I see at the meetings who know my name and we don't really talk outside of them.

I could hire a doula, but I am majorly strapped for cash- I'm already going to have to barter with the midwife and go on food stamps to afford this homebirth in the first place. I wouldn't be opposed to a student doula or something, since this is my second birth and I have a pretty good idea of what I need and what I want. I'm just not sure how to go about FINDING one, and it feels so... weird to think of HIRING someone for this.

I have many lovely online friends, but the problem is that there's a four week period where the baby could come, and not many people can take that much time off.

I was going to ask my father to come, but he was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I don't know how much active support and childcare he could provide.

Anyone here live near Salt Lake City and feel like making friends? ;)

~Rose

[lovebeingamomma]

call DONA thay can give you a list of doula trainees in your area

[camprunner]

I'm in the same situation :(  It's rather uncomfortable.  I will say that when my second was born, a nice lady from church that I didn't know well (but had been around long enough to know that I could trust her) offered to keep my oldest and I took her up on it  because I didn't have anyone to watch her. She did take her to her house during the birth though. This time, I have lots of homebirth supportive aquaintances that I'd be ok with but I'm going to probably hire a doula.  DD (age 8) says she wants to video and maybe she will take some pictures too. We'll see if she's still there.  I'm hoping that since my kids are 5 and 8, that I'll be able to hire a doula that can both support the kids as needed and keep an eye on dh's actions and pop in when he disappears to ask if I need anything.  I labored alone with dd2 and did fine but there were times when I would have appreciated dh's company and he wasn't within comfortable yelling distance. Not sure if such a doula exists but I'm going to ask a few if this is possible.

[tracymom1]

Maybe go to the finding your tribe for your area here on MDC and see if anyone has any referrals for a doula in training who will come for free or a discounted rate.  Or maybe try to start a playgroup through MDC and maybe you will make some like-minded friends?!  I am in a bit of a similar situation as my BFF and I are now 2500 miles apart and though I have lots of acquaintances, I do not have many close friends.  Keep putting yourself out there and maybe a bond will form.  You have a lot of time to figure it all out!

[etsdtm99]

i was feeling like i really needed more people before my homebirth and then i talked to my midwife about it and it turned out that we were fine .. for ME , i was fine with my midwife and her assistant for almost my entire labor.. they were willing to be my support and i only needed DH there for pushing .. for the most part though i just didn't want my DH during labor.... did you ask your midwife about all this? maybe she knows some doulas or birth photographers or something? i did have my mom watch my kids for a few horus when things got intense and i had 2 friends 'on call' but i never felt like i needed them to come over ..

[mamagranola28]

I live in Pleasant Grove in North Utah county.  I think I could help you hook up with someone.  I would check out DONA's website for student midwives.  My baby will be three by August so I'm planning on taking births again this summer, I would love to help you out.  I've been a doula for a few years now but haven't done a ton of births (I'm a busy homeschooling Mom).  I'm cool with the barter thing and don't usually charge much anyway.

Leah

[Sharlla]

I just had DH and bff at my birth. DH sat in the tub with me and BFF took pics and gave me drinks.  after they both emptied the birth tub while i nursed the baby. I didnt really feel the need to have more people there

[Sijae]

I can see wanting an adult in charge of your little girl but it's not strictly necessary.  I've been to a number of births with just the two of us midwives and the parents and their child(ren).  I always had time to take pics for the family as well.  Between two midwives it's pretty easy to take pics and provide labor support as needed.  What else are they going to do?

[RoseRedHoofbeats]

I'll definitely talk with my midwives about it. I have two consultations scheduled, so I'll see what they both say about the issue.

MamaGranola, that would be awesome! I'll send you a PM. =)

I'd like to have one other person there, I think. My DH isn't so great with the labor support (he has a blood phobia and gets nervous at birth) and having someone to switch off with so there's someone on childcare-detail, someone on picture-duty, and some else could get a rest. I'm going to ask a couple other friends, and yes, I will definitely try and get a SLC Tribe going!

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone!

~Rose

[allisonrose]

I was going through the same dilemma a couple of months ago. Planning a homebirth with a midwife and an assistant. I have a toddler but no money to hire a doula. I thought of trying to find a student doula but I'm in a rather isolated area so it's highly likely that no one would want to travel so far (especially for a free or reduced fee birth). In the end, I've come to the conclusion that my hubby is unlikely to be much support during labor anyway. With my first birth, he tried but he doesn't understand birth and had no idea what to do other than say "you're doing great". (Not much help while I was being completely overwhelmed by contractions.)

So I figure hubby can watch our son and the midwife can be my labor support. If things get hairy, we have a few people who we are a bit friendly with that we could potentially call upon for childcare.

[CBEmomma]

You could hire a Doula and then have 1 family/friend there to watch your child. The Doula can take pictures when you want her to and also give your DH a break when needed. For my homebirth I had my mom, DH, MW and her assistant. My mom took pictures. ds1 was with my MIL at a hotel swimming.