Did getting your child eval'ed help you be a better parent?

[LaurieG]

I've been debating the merits of having DS1 eval'ed.  I'm certain he would meet criteria for "gifted", but his school does not provide any gifted education.  Since he is pretty happy at school and neither he nor the teachers seem to think there is a problem I haven't pursued it.  It seems like there really is no point in spending that kind of money. 

On the other hand, he has some challenging behaviors that I struggle to deal with effectively.  I started a thread here on that note for more info:

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1286394/are-these-red-flags-or-just-normal-8-yr-old-stuff 

So far it seems the feeling of the posters is that DS's behaviors are pretty typical, so maybe what I really need is just someone to enlighten me about how his mind works and give me strategies to better deal with them.  If I thought taking him for a cognitive/ psych eval would bring peace to our family I would pay whatever the cost.  But that kind of money is really not in our budget and we're on a fairly strict debt reduction plan at the moment.  And beyond that, I don't want to be taking DS to psychologists and having him evaluated and give him reason to wonder why I'm doing all that if it isn't going to be helpful. 

Hoping those of you who have gone that route will comment on the benefits you see to the eval process outside of the school setting.

[bec]

We got outside testing for our daughter, originally, because we thought it would help us negotiate with the school.  As it turned out, the school could have cared less about what was in the report (not sure they even read it).  What the testing did do for us is to give us a lot of confidence when advocating for her.  We KNOW where she's at, not just think it.  If we weren't feeling the need to have some concrete numbers to show the school, though, we would have been more than content to simply look at her accomplishments. 

[musicoholic]

We were pretty much forced into having DS evaluated when he was 3 and a half...  he started school at 2.5 (LONG story, but I was teaching at the school at the time).

Without going into too much of a rant - they were convinced he had ADHD (because he didn't deal well with transition...  or being cut off from whatever activity they were doing at the time).  We were asked to remove him from the school because they didn't have the resources to cope with him (this was still before the evaluation).

Needless to say, we did end up going through with the evaluation (we weren't charged for it because the psychs were p*ssed at the school by this time too!, and because the LS teachers at the school had done so much work with DS, and were completely on our side - and devastated and belittled by his removal) - and he was IDed G&T when he was 3y10mo.  

In the end, I do think that having him evaluated and identified has helped us be a "better" parenting team - in that we can use more appropriate strategies in dealing with his behaviour or emotional issues (and has also taught me a lot about myself in the process, and things that I used to deal with myself, being a "former giftie").  I've done a heck of a lot of reading about dealing with gifted kids now (which also helps me at work)...  but nothing ever really explains your own child except living with them.  I guess my advice would be to only have him tested if you think it will help...  if you're not sure (or as you said, money is tight), read as much as you can (Hoagies is one of my favourite sites)

[hergrace]

Yes, and No.

The evaluation gave me a lot of information that was very useful.  However, it also left me with as many questions as answers about how to help.

But, it gave me a lot more issues to research, which gives me something to do with my Intellectual OEs.

[Casha'sMommy]

Originally Posted by hergrace 

Yes, and No.

The evaluation gave me a lot of information that was very useful.  However, it also left me with as many questions as answers about how to help.

But, it gave me a lot more issues to research, which gives me something to do with my Intellectual OEs.

 This would totally be me! More information would only serve to feed my research obsession.

We've recently considered having dd eval'd because behavioral concerns have intesified, however, it would seem stimulating her intellectually helps in curbing some of that.

[carmel23]

I would say yes, it did help, but it was free so that might be why it was viewed as helpful.  But then again, I am in the "you get what you pay for," and if we could have payed for something outside of school we totally would. 

I think it just helped me to change my expectations-- I think living with kids who are HG, you have a weird perception of what 'normal' is.  It was helpful to hear from a professional that my kid was different, and there wasn't anything wrong with him, yk?  And I did expect too much from him in certain respects, but not enough in other respects. 

It was helpful to see his strengths and weaknesses, for sure.  And it helped for me to communicate with him...

But do you think you could just maybe get some family therapy?  You don't have to wait for a crisis, and it might help him with his big emotions.  It helped our family.

[joensally]

I just went and read your other thread.

If he's fine at school, identified by the school and you as gifted, there's no programming available anyway, and it would cost you money you don't really have, I wouldn't worry about it now.

A typical psych ed isn't going to explain the intricate why's of his behaviour. 

Here are some good reads to help with understanding and parenting, often available through your library or with preview on google books:

Kids, Parents and Power Struggles

Webb's A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children

Webb's Misdiagnosis/Gifted book

Sensational Kids

The Highly Sensitive Child

Assume he's doing his best, and this is part of who he is at this developmental stage.  When I switched my thinking from "how do I parent this child so he/she will stop doing these things that exhaust and sometimes embarrass me, what is the magic technique??" to one of "how do I support my child to be who they are AND live more peacefully and fully in their world" it got easier.