Question regarding visitation

[SoulJourney]

I know I'm asking mamas and not lawyers but I'm curious if anyone has had experience with this. My DH has a visitation agreement set up with his ex through the courts that spells out the specifics for each visit in his DS's state through the end of the year and then we can start bringing him home for a week every other month. We have worked long and hard to get this and not because DH is a bad parent but because of control issues that his ex has only. There is absolutely NO reason for him not to have liberal access to his son, just to preface this. So. We have followed every single visitation requirement to the "T" up until the November visit. DH thought that the agreement stated that we had DSS the three day weekend after Thanksgiving and let his ex know by e-mail that week that we would be picking up DSS on Friday for the weekend. Long story short, he was supposed to give two weeks notice of whether it would be the weekend before or the weekend after Thanksgiving so because of this mistake on his part his ex refused to let us have DSS for our visit. We had already paid for a hotel and everything and b/c it was through Priceline it was not refundable. In the agreement, for visitation through the end of the year, it gives an outline of how and when each visit should go and at the end of each of those paragraphs it states that the "visitation shall take place provided visitation has been exercised as set forth herein" then it proceeds to the next visit, and so on. DH's ex is refusing to allow us the visit we are supposed to get after Xmas and will only allow us a partial visit (which is equivalent to the one missed)  b/c of this miscommunication last month.

My question is this: Is she legally allowed to do this without going through the proper channels through the court system? I mean, the agreement doesn't spell out what happens if there is an issue like what we're having so I don't know if it's automatic through the courts that she's just allowed to do this or if she has to take the matter to the courts and let them make a decision. Anyone BTDT? We're supposed to have him in our hometown starting in January and it's going to CRUSH DH if we can't celebrate DSS's birthday with our extended family, who have only seen him ONCE in the past 2 1/2 years because of her. And for the record, we are doing this on our own, without an attorney...at least up until this point. We're looking at getting an attorney if we can figure out how to afford it.

Thanks so much if you've read this far! :O)

[Goodmom2008]

If there is any dispute about parenting time or not complying with a court order, the father will need to go to court.  In the state that has jurisdiction.

[SoulJourney]

I do understand that. I just don't know if she can LEGALLY withhold visitation from us, as spelled out in the agreement, based upon the verbage specified in my post. I feel as if his ex would have to take the proper procedures through the courts in order to modify any further visitation and she has not done that, she's taking it into her own hands.

[Minxie]

I started reading this and it sounded like the ex's side from StephandOwen; no offense if it is not. Anyway, your questions might be better answered on the StepParenting and Blended Family board as this one is more for single mamas and lots of us don't have the visitation issues.

[SoulJourney]

I've read peripherally Steph's situation for the past five years and it's not at all like that. My DH's ex moved 9 hours away with DSS when he was 18 months old (he's four now) and up until then DH lived with DSS until he was one and then they had a 50/50 out of court arrangement until she moved. Since then we tried REALLY hard to have the contact and visitation with DSS that DH should have, without going through the courts. We finally had to take it to court because she wants more and more money from DH but tries to give very, very little access to his son. It's really painful to experience and has honestly made me step back and think things through when dealing with my EX. No offense taken since you don't know the history of us. And I guess the only reason I posted here is because I was on here as a single mama for many years. ;o) I'll move this to the proper forum. :o)

[StephandOwen]

Just by what you have written here (it's a visitation agreement set through the courts) and it does say that little line about visitation taking place blah blah blah..... I would guess that she can dictate visits this way. BUT, I would be taking her butt back to court over it because she will look very very bad for refusing not just 1 visit, but 2 visits because of a little mistake. Everybody makes mistakes, and that's just what your dh did. He didn't not show up for a visit. He did contact her before the visit, just not in the stated timeline. Heck, there's a little thing about ex contacting me at least 3 days prior to a visit to confirm and he doesn't always do that. I still let him see ds and he's a UAV.

I'm sorry. I hope your dh and his ex can work things out so that he gets his ds for the visits.

[Avani]

You could go in ex parte and say you have a scheduled visit that the other party is unwilling to allow and explain the mistake and it is possible the judge could grant you the visit. If anything it is worth a shot. Modifying the custody order could take much longer and going in ex parte means you get a quick hearing. You can serve the other party via a phone call stating you are going in ex parte for so and so reason and the hearing is this date and time. When you file an ex parte you get seen that day. Due to the visit coming up so quick and the other party being so non cooperative I would attempt this first.

[SoulJourney]

Can you file ex parte via phone? His ex's state of residency has jurisdiction over the matter so the only way we'd be able to do it is by phone. We have hotel reservations for the visitation dates given in the agreement and we are leaving Christmas day because we are supposed to get him at 8am on the 26th.

Thanks for this suggestion, we'll look into it.

Originally Posted by Avani 

You could go in ex parte and say you have a scheduled visit that the other party is unwilling to allow and explain the mistake and it is possible the judge could grant you the visit. If anything it is worth a shot. Modifying the custody order could take much longer and going in ex parte means you get a quick hearing. You can serve the other party via a phone call stating you are going in ex parte for so and so reason and the hearing is this date and time. When you file an ex parte you get seen that day. Due to the visit coming up so quick and the other party being so non cooperative I would attempt this first.

Steph...I remember how much of a UAV your ex is! Mine is, too, but not nearly as much as yours. My DH is seriously the father that every single mama wants for their child...I just don't get his ex. :(