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Loss: Alive, but gone from me.

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 

I am a mother.  That is what I was put on this earth to be.  I have 3 beautiful children I have given birth to: 5, 3, 10 months old.


And then there is one more.  She is 2.5 in two days.  We raised her from the time she was 4 weeks old.  It was through foster care, the child of a childhood best friend of mine.  She was removed @ 4 weeks old and it was supposed to be an immediate termination based on prior cases of the parents.  We were supposed to be able to adopt.  After 2 months of the case, some crazy stuff happened, and the judge decided to "see what happens" and give the parents a chance to fight for their child.  Many more crazy things happened, things that other attorneys have scratched their heads and gone, "Why did they get away with that??", and after a tumultuous case and the change of judicial oversight in the case, her case was quickly ended and she was abruptly sent home the first week of December.


Because I sided with the state and kept her accountable and often reported discrepancies I noticed, her mother has banned us from knowing her.  I could argue the details of the case and how she has shown time and time again that she really doesn't care deeply about her child's welfare, but that's neither here nor there.  What really matters is that we traumatically lost our Princess, she has been forbidden from knowing us, and therefore it's like she swiftly died.  All we are left with are scraps of the 2.5 year life she spent with us, the love we feel, the pictures we treasure, the hurt we feel, the dreams we've had to leave behind, and this awful sadness for all she's lost. 


I miss her more every day.  I am so devastated and angry and still wish time could rewind.  I accidentally stumbled across a sound byte of her saying "mama" to me on my husband's phone yesterday, and it crumbled me to pieces.  This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  :(

post #2 of 29


post #3 of 29

Hugs and love to you.

post #4 of 29
How awful. greensad.gif
post #5 of 29
I am so very sorry.
post #6 of 29

Oh my goodness.  That would be absolutely devastating.  And I would bet that many people just don't understand why you're SO upset.


I understand, mama.  And I am so, so sorry.

post #7 of 29


post #8 of 29

i'm sorry for you loss. That is an awful tragic thing to have happen to your family

post #9 of 29

How absolutely horrible.  I'm so very very sorry for you and your family.  I suffer from infertility and have thought long and hard about fostering.  your horrible story is the biggest reason I have not pursued foster care.  I don't think I would be strong enough to handle attaching to a child and then having that child taken away from me.  I can't imagine the heartbreak you are experiencing.  I truley hope your little one is adjusting to her new home situation OK.  She must be so confused and for her to lose her whole world and everyone she knew loved and cared for her.... there are just no words.

post #10 of 29

Hang in there. The situation will continue to be monitored by case workers and if there is a problem, she will come straight back to you...than request a bonding study to prove that you are this child psychological parent...

post #11 of 29

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Unfortunately I understand your loss (from a sister's perspective) all too well.  My sister was the same age when she was removed from my parents custody.  Sometimes the foster system just sucks.

post #12 of 29

Your story put tears in my eyes.  How awful.  I am so very, very sorry about what happened.  bawling.gif

post #13 of 29
Thread Starter 

Thank you.  It still hurts so very badly.  The pain seems to have switched from a sharp sting to a dull resounding ache deep in my soul.  I miss her in every little girl I see, every pink outfit I come across, and every piece of her that I find that was left behind.  stillheart.gif

post #14 of 29

I cannot imagine how devastating that must have been. I'm so sorry for your loss. hug2.gif

post #15 of 29

I couldn't read and not respond...I am so deeply, incredibly sorry for your loss.

post #16 of 29

I am so sorry. That is heartbreaking. You gave her a beautiful gift in those 2.5 years, that will be with her always, whether she knows it or not. You gave her a loving, stable beginning she will be able to fall back on throughout life. I hope that someday she gets to know you again.

post #17 of 29

Oh my goodness. How devastating. I am not familiar with foster care but how can anyone think this is a good thing for the child? No visits at all ever??? What kind of judge ruled that?? I agree with #16 that you gave her the very best gift of all that will help shape her entire life.  Are you allowed to send birthday or holiday cards etc?

post #18 of 29
I am so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss, Thandiwe.
post #19 of 29
Thread Starter 

Thank you.  heartbeat.gif

post #20 of 29

Oh my goodness, how awful. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

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