I am a mother. That is what I was put on this earth to be. I have 3 beautiful children I have given birth to: 5, 3, 10 months old.
And then there is one more. She is 2.5 in two days. We raised her from the time she was 4 weeks old. It was through foster care, the child of a childhood best friend of mine. She was removed @ 4 weeks old and it was supposed to be an immediate termination based on prior cases of the parents. We were supposed to be able to adopt. After 2 months of the case, some crazy stuff happened, and the judge decided to "see what happens" and give the parents a chance to fight for their child. Many more crazy things happened, things that other attorneys have scratched their heads and gone, "Why did they get away with that??", and after a tumultuous case and the change of judicial oversight in the case, her case was quickly ended and she was abruptly sent home the first week of December.
Because I sided with the state and kept her accountable and often reported discrepancies I noticed, her mother has banned us from knowing her. I could argue the details of the case and how she has shown time and time again that she really doesn't care deeply about her child's welfare, but that's neither here nor there. What really matters is that we traumatically lost our Princess, she has been forbidden from knowing us, and therefore it's like she swiftly died. All we are left with are scraps of the 2.5 year life she spent with us, the love we feel, the pictures we treasure, the hurt we feel, the dreams we've had to leave behind, and this awful sadness for all she's lost.
I miss her more every day. I am so devastated and angry and still wish time could rewind. I accidentally stumbled across a sound byte of her saying "mama" to me on my husband's phone yesterday, and it crumbled me to pieces. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. :(