I need help connecting to God, feeling "seen," and feeling fulfilled.

[youngspiritmom]

Let's see if I can put this into words.

I have a nice life. I am very blessed. I have a home, a charming husband who loves me, and a beautiful son, and a loving family. We don't have any major difficulties in our life, Thank God. Things are rolling along. We are thinking of having another baby, improving our careers, traveling to new places. I work a little, exercise a little, spend time with our son. Our family believes in God, we pray daily, and we generally are living our life with God in mind.

However, I feel like I am just watching a movie of my life. I feel like the REAL me is far away from all of this. I feel like my husband who loves me so much, doesn't actually know ME. I feel the same about my son. I don't feel depressed....just kind of far away. I feel bored, like something is missing, like there is something so much bigger that life is supposed to be about. I feel like I have untapped potential that can't be exerted through a job, role, etc.

I think about this at night when I am putting my son to sleep. I believe that God knows me the best, more than my mom, husband, or son. But I can't sense God well. I listen for God's voice and don't hear a thing. I have had very intimate experiences from God a few years ago before having a family. Now I can't feel the same presence.

I need help connecting to God, feeling "seen", and feeling fulfilled.

[Tori19]

I just wanted to say I'm right there w/ you. I, too am seeking to feel God's presence in my life and like you, I don't always feel present in my life. We started attendig a UU church as I start to embark on my own spiritual journey. Our minister had a great sermon this past Sun. about the darkness of this time of year and how there is beauty and joy to be found in the darkness. He went on to talk about the "dark night of the soul" and how all the great religious mystics talk of "dry" periods in their faith and that, this is part of the process; that in order to know light, we must first know darkness. I take solace in this. I am trying to learn how to be more present in the moments of my life and not focus on the past or future too much and also to be quiet and listen for God's presence and not to be too much of rush to find him. Anway, don't know if any of this pertains to your situation but thought I would share where I'm at since your post spoke to me. May you find peace in your journey!

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom 

Let's see if I can put this into words.

I have a nice life. I am very blessed. I have a home, a charming husband who loves me, and a beautiful son, and a loving family. We don't have any major difficulties in our life, Thank God. Things are rolling along. We are thinking of having another baby, improving our careers, traveling to new places. I work a little, exercise a little, spend time with our son. Our family believes in God, we pray daily, and we generally are living our life with God in mind.

However, I feel like I am just watching a movie of my life. I feel like the REAL me is far away from all of this. I feel like my husband who loves me so much, doesn't actually know ME. I feel the same about my son. I don't feel depressed....just kind of far away. I feel bored, like something is missing, like there is something so much bigger that life is supposed to be about. I feel like I have untapped potential that can't be exerted through a job, role, etc.

I think about this at night when I am putting my son to sleep. I believe that God knows me the best, more than my mom, husband, or son. But I can't sense God well. I listen for God's voice and don't hear a thing. I have had very intimate experiences from God a few years ago before having a family. Now I can't feel the same presence.

I need help connecting to God, feeling "seen", and feeling fulfilled.

I think these feelings are a way that G-d uses to call us to closer relationship with Him/Her.

Originally Posted by Tori19 

I just wanted to say I'm right there w/ you. I, too am seeking to feel God's presence in my life and like you, I don't always feel present in my life. We started attendig a UU church as I start to embark on my own spiritual journey. Our minister had a great sermon this past Sun. about the darkness of this time of year and how there is beauty and joy to be found in the darkness. He went on to talk about the "dark night of the soul" and how all the great religious mystics talk of "dry" periods in their faith and that, this is part of the process; that in order to know light, we must first know darkness. I take solace in this. I am trying to learn how to be more present in the moments of my life and not focus on the past or future too much and also to be quiet and listen for God's presence and not to be too much of rush to find him. Anway, don't know if any of this pertains to your situation but thought I would share where I'm at since your post spoke to me. May you find peace in your journey!

Tori, I'm familiar with the dark night of the soul, and what you've written here strikes me as a very wise approach.

You may both be interested in checking to see if there are any spiritual directors in your area who may fit in with your spiritual journey.  There is a good "seek and find guide" showing locations, names and general information about spiritual directors all over the world.  It's at sdiworld.org, the main website for Spiritual Directors International. 

Good luck, Youngspiritmom.

-Dancy

[Dancianna]

I meant to also say, spiritual directors do not direct anything - G-d is the director.  Spiritual directors help people to become more aware of and to deepen their relationship with G-d, but as peers who are  not in any kind of authority over the people who come to them, (except in certain situations like in convents sometimes).

[number572]

Hard to tell from your first post, OP, if you are connecting with God via organized religious beliefs or if you connect with God on a spiritual level without any ties to organized religion.  I was raised in a family of strong Catholic beliefs and talked my mother out of having to go to CCD classes at age 7 b'c my spirit didn't connect via organized religion.  I have always had a very strong connection with divine spirit and I call that great energy "God".  I believe in one ultimate higher form of energy than we humans are.  At the same time, I feel that all of us are deeply connected and could be felt as "ONE" whole energy, fed by high and pure divinity, and thus also make up the higher energy as well - some may say that we are God, you are God and I am God too, we all contribute together to create divinity.  The life force.  The energy that resides beyond ego and separation.  Beyond greed or suffering.  The high energy that will lovingly take you back again and again if you try to avoid the practice of loving others purely.

Teachings that helped me feel most connected during my lowest points have been ones that come from a completely non-organized religious field of connection.  They gave me strength and courage to find and feel the light that is within my soul and helped me grow spiritually, then I could share that light with other people and feel complete.  A lot of that growth and realization, for me, came during my yoga practice or meditation times.

I love organized religions too.  I feel that spirit reaches people thru the best way for them and organized religion fills that role for so many who would feel lost without it's existence.  Mine happens to be non-organized, some reach deep spiritual connections thru organized... you may have to experiment and do some reading of various religions and also of non-organized religious based connections to find your personal path.  Some people end up feeling most secure with an atheist belief.  Knowing that what we do here is all there is and to make that the best they can.  You have to read a lot and try out different avenues and you will connect with one eventually for sure.  

Well, there's my 2 cents!  Best for you!

[Shami]

I would like to reply, but I am not sure if you are interested in a Christian perspective.  My first question would be who is your God?  Not being brazen on purpose.  I can think of a number of reasons for why I may feel disconnected from the Lord Jesus, but I was wondering if you wanted a particular perspective.

[Shami]

bump

[umsami]

I can relate.  I definitely know there have been times when I've felt more close to God than others.  I've also been both Christian and Muslim--and have had different experiences with each. 

Do you feel closer to God in certain places or feels God's presence more? Doesn't have to be a church, mosque, synagogue, temple... might be at the ocean, on top of a mountain, etc.

Is it possible for you to go on a retreat? Whether formal or not? Even for one day?

Have you tried journaling your prayers?

You say that you allow time for prayer... have you thought about allowing a bit of time just to read various scriptures or inspirational books and then have time to meditate on them and see if God responds?

As for purpose in life... my best advice would be to pray about it.  I'd also see if there are maybe various places where you can volunteer.  God may have a super duper fabulous plan/purpose for your life--more amazing than you can imagine... but it may not be for right now.  Right now may be the prep phase...and perhaps that's why you feel this restlessness?

Good luck wherever this leads you. :)

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by umsami 

I can relate.  I definitely know there have been times when I've felt more close to God than others.  I've also been both Christian and Muslim--and have had different experiences with each. 

Do you feel closer to God in certain places or feels God's presence more? Doesn't have to be a church, mosque, synagogue, temple... might be at the ocean, on top of a mountain, etc.

Is it possible for you to go on a retreat? Whether formal or not? Even for one day?

Have you tried journaling your prayers?

You say that you allow time for prayer... have you thought about allowing a bit of time just to read various scriptures or inspirational books and then have time to meditate on them and see if God responds?

As for purpose in life... my best advice would be to pray about it.  I'd also see if there are maybe various places where you can volunteer.  God may have a super duper fabulous plan/purpose for your life--more amazing than you can imagine... but it may not be for right now.  Right now may be the prep phase...and perhaps that's why you feel this restlessness?

Good luck wherever this leads you. :)

I thought this was great too!  OP, I'm really wondering what you are thinking of all of these suggestions.  I hope you will post a response soon!

-Dancy

p.s.  Prayers for your dad, umsami

[youngspiritmom]

Hello everyone, thanks for all of your thoughtful replies. So I can't figure out how to reply with all the different quotes from everyone's responses (if someone can teach me how to do this please PM me or post LOL)....so I'll just do it like this:

Tori19, I like what you mentioned about the dark night of the soul. In fact, my mom told me that yesterday was the darkest day of the year! Wonder if there's a correlation? I actually was thinking about that dark phase of the soul when I originally posted because I read a book about Mother Teresa last year that described that even she went through "dark" years where she couldn't hear God. That is what I am feeling like, in a sense. I was laying in bed earlier tonight and just sat there, looking, staring into dark (DS was sleeping next to me), not knowing what to say, what to pray, or what to do. I felt so unfulfilled by my life, but so guilty for not feeling fulfilled since I am very blessed. I just prayed/asked God "Why did you have to make things so indirect?? Why can't I just hear You??" Personally I know God is loving and God so I felt bad being so demading...but lately it feels like I know that in my head, not my heart. I wish I could just hear God say "Be patient. Just wait." and then this might be easier to get through. But I honestly hear NOTHING.

Dancianna, thanks for the thought. I've personally kind of felt like God "sends" me certain people to be my spiritual guide at certain times. I have one dear friend (a midwife!!) that comes to mind. Maybe I will share with her my spiritual crisis (that sounded dramatic...but ykwim) and see if she can help....

number572, what a beautiful post. I love how you respected both organized and unorganized spiritual paths. That is me, too. I didn't state my "faith" in my original post because I really just need help to connect with God and I think that is a universal thing. I was raised Christian (loosely) and I am actually a convert to Islam (I'm a practicing Muslim). However the word Muslim literally means in Arabic "one who submits" so I consider myself a muslim with a lower case m.....I'm just a person who is trying to know God. We have friends from all faiths, all beliefs, and I have found more and more that connecting to God is less about labels. But I don't find this problem to be one with my faith (Islam)....I am very satisfied with that....I just am in more of a spiritual rut (not a religious one) if that makes sense....

Shami, I guess that ^ kind of responds to your question :) hehe......but even though I'm Muslim I still love Jesus! LOL and actually I do read the Bible for inspiration from time to time....there are such beautiful verses there that are very uplifting

Umsami <3 thanks for your great suggestions mama. My mom actually just got back from a spiritual womens retreat....3 days of silence....there is another one in May and hopefully I can go too. I think I will try going out into nature (I live in a very beautiful part of the country).....and I do journal....more like thoughts mixed with prayers, but it definitely helps me see my feelings more clearly.

I am going to try your suggestion of praying about my purpose to God....its just hard to explain, every time I try, I just sit in bed and stare into the dark and weep because I honestly can't feel a darn thing.  What I do feel is some sort of loss/unfulifllment. Almost how I would imagine feeling in a mid life crisis....  This is going to sound weird (its hard to explain spiritual feelings), but I almost feeling like I am missing something that I have known before (that's why I miss it). Like.....I lived my life before this and at this point in it there was something here that isn't here this time.....does anyone get what I'm saying?? It's not like the whole quiverful thing where I sense another baby coming (LOL definitely not that)..... I just feel like I'm not fulfilling my destiny or something

Thank you all for your sweet, sweet words. The other thing I am missing is a dear friend who SEES my soul. No one else seems to even realize I am going though this. I tried to talk to my husband, and he was so sweet, but he just couldn't help and his advice didn't really seem to get to the CORE of what I'm feeling. I wish I could invite you all over for tea and just cry to you all!

[number572]

Hi YoungSpiritMom (& everyone else who posted!)

I love reading everyone's posts, very neat.  OP, in reading your responses, I hear "Be a light unto the darkness and curse it not."  and the idea that this is a time for you to strengthen your power of blind faith, yk?  In my own times of darkness, I've noticed that being afraid that my connection is weakened forever or when I begin questioning myself "what I must have done to get so far away from that loving light energy that feels so alive", I've noticed that those are the times when the only thing that helps me reconnect, is blind faith.  That's when diving into reading about divinity (in all forms, all religions, other people's experiences, etc.), reconnecting with nature by working and cultivating my garden or doing some random planting around my city in unexpected spots (!  http://www.guerrillagardening.org/  !), also by trying to empty my mind of the idea of feeling DISconnected and just BE there breathing while doing yoga and doing guided meditations (cd or MP3 on the computer even), and by going thru each day very very mindfully.  Examples:  being appreciative and thankful for running water and the very existence of water to brush my teeth or to drink, being grateful for the body that each of us has, being thankful for the ability to feel emotion and to be able to communicate with other people in various ways, being able to taste food and for the feeling of air when it enters my lungs and then flows gently back out while breathing, being so grateful for all things natural like plants and animals and the sun and clouds, etc.... feeling a universal connection with all of those life forms and feeling the energy of alll of those things.  Practicing patience and trust with divinity.  Then, always (so far!), even if sometimes sooo slowly, I begin to feel that inner light glowing steady and strong once again.  And then it's back!  My connection.  (altho I know by now that the connection was never really gone, just being strengthened)  And I'm appreciative of it on an even higher, deeper level than I was before the feeling of disconnect.

I know all of that could read pretty dramatic and overplayed, but it is what I go thru randomly in my life.  Maybe others experience a similar thing in their lives too?  And no doubt that everyone has differing ways of growing their strength and faith during the "dry spells".  Those are just the ways that help me...

One book that came to mind when I read your response to Tori19 is the series, Conversations With God, from Neale Donald Walsh.  Have you read them?  He asked almost the exact questions that you have been asking  "Why did you have to make things so indirect?? Why can't I just hear You??".  The books are written in the form of his questions to God and then the responses that he hears.  He does happen to hear God, so he decided to write what he heard into a book, its a true experience for him.

I wish you peace and light, you seem like a beautiful and open person :)  I look forward to reading others' responses as well.

Edited by number572 - 12/23/10 at 12:33pm

[Shami]

Hi Youngspiritmom,

I am so glad you came back and clarified although I can see why you didn't want to begin like that.  If you're wanting to hear all paths to God, I guess I can throw mine in to the mix.  The only thing is that my view is more of a --there is one path to God.  So, the risk is that what I may say could bother you and not be a helpful in your eyes. I hope that doesn't happen.

I'll just say that one thing that blocks my flow to the Lord  is when I need to confess something or multiple things.  I don't know if this is a teaching in Islam--to confess your sins to God.  I confess to the Lord Jesus, but you could try confessing to God(Allah) and see if that helps.  If it doesn't help, then maybe you could try confessing to the Lord Jesus? (obvious plug for Jesus)

I know you have a happy peaceful life, but still we all sin every day.  Even if your sins are minor they still need to be washed away daily.  Just being in the world, seeing what we see, hearing what we hear  can dirty us without our knowledge of it.  Also, I try to confess things such as, being snippy, being sarcastic, flippant, gossip, losing temper with kiddo, etc.  Stuff like that doesn't seem important, but it can add up and block out the light.

It's like the car of a windshield that gets bug after bug and never gets cleaned.  As soon as you clean it, you can see again.

I'll go ahead and put this verse since you said you enjoy reading the Bible.

1 John 1:9

9 If we ^1aconfess our sins, He is ^2bfaithful and ^crighteous to ^dforgive us our ^esins and ^3fcleanse us from all ^4gunrighteousness.

[organiclifelove]

I have felt this way many times, and I agree with others that it is God's way of drawing you near to himself.  But I also have felt that when I am in this place that just getting out and serving others, is the greatest soul food, and the best way for me to re-connect with God, and figure myself out.

I would suggest serving in a BIG way, a way that makes you uncomfortable.  Get your husband and your little boy involved too if you like, and they can grow and learn with you. 

[annahawk]

Hugs.  And thank you for posting this as I'm sure so many can relate!  Something that tends to help me is to pray the Psalms.  The Psalms are pretty raw and passionate, even pretty angsty ("My God, why have you forsaken me?" for example)  There are Psalms pleading God to be revealed.  There tends to be a lot of "destroy my enemies" stuff in these, and as I read them I understand my enemies to be the things that hinder my growth/relationship with /God (doubt, grudges, laziness, to name a few of my struggles).  28 Might be a good place to go.  It begins, "To You I will cry, O  Lord my Rock: Do not be silent to me."    I also reccomend the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World: Finding Intimacy with God in the Busyness of Life by Joanna Weaver.  It is a Christian book and rooted in a New Testament passage about Jesus, but I read that you are open to him too!  I believe you are right.  There is more, and you are made for greater things.  I am praying that you reach this, whatever it may be!   

[Liquesce]

This may seem an odd response in the spirituality forum, but have you considered actively engaging with other, not specifically religious ideas and pursuits?  I ask because I had quite recently started to feel somewhat spiritually "stale," and over time I began to realize just how large a portion of my interests I had put aside once I had children ... how much I had been expecting religion to fill those gaps.  I was feeling bored and unfulfilled and stagnant, and was sort of putting that off on god and my faith community when in reality -- perfectly comfortable life though I may have -- I was just feeling restless for stimulation from things I used to enjoy.

[MountainRose]

Hello,

I do not know you.

But I am praying for you.

I am praying that whatever it is that you need

to see

to hear

or simply just to feel

and to know

that it becomes a part of you.

You mentioned having strong connections in the past.

I know God does love you.

Jesus loves you too!

As we approach Jesus' birthday I hope that you

can enjoy celebrating him.

I do not know if this is something you do.

But I hope so.

And I hope you have JOY and PEACE and LOVE.

God is in the smallest things and the biggest too.

Please trust and please breathe and please believe....

I send hope of GRACE and MERCY your way

and I will pray

Blessings*

[youngspiritmom]

Thank you all for your suggestions, prayers, well wishes, and ideas. I am warmed by your love. I wish I had something more to say, but for now I don't. I am going to look for still, silent moments and seek God there. I am also going to try each of your suggestions, one by one.

Thank you dear friends <3

[pregnant@40]

Meditation is another great way to create a sacred space and listen to that inner small, still voice. I like the Zen or Tibetan Buddhist approaches, but many religions incorporate meditation. You can also do it without religion!

Other ways to find your spirituality include volunteering and service work, reading sacred literature from a variety of traditions, joining a spiritually seeking group for socialization and deep discussion, actively participating in a practice like yoga or an artform, traveling to spiritual places or taking a retreat, taking a rigorous university course on the historical and/or philosophical aspects of religions, listening to music (ex. chanting nuns or monks) while taking a walk through nature, reading Rumi poetry, etc.... You could incorporate a variety of spiritual ways of being into your already full life.

Eventually we all yearn for a deeper understanding about the world, nature of life, and God or mystery, don't you think? It's part of the human condition. Thanks for bringing up this topic.

[Mommalyze]

 I just stumbled across this community and I loved your post. I feel the least connected to God when I am busy with my day to day life and busy brain - but most connected when I am around other spiritual people. I used to go to a ladies church group once per week and it was wonderful. We broke off into different study groups and basically talked a lot about parenting, since that was the group I chose since I had young children. I feel most connected to God when my brain and my space is free from clutter - but that is a big challenge for me. Anyway, I hope you find your way...

[Dancianna]

Originally Posted by pregnant@40 

Meditation is another great way to create a sacred space and listen to that inner small, still voice. I like the Zen or Tibetan Buddhist approaches, but many religions incorporate meditation. You can also do it without religion!

Other ways to find your spirituality include volunteering and service work, reading sacred literature from a variety of traditions, joining a spiritually seeking group for socialization and deep discussion, actively participating in a practice like yoga or an artform, traveling to spiritual places or taking a retreat, taking a rigorous university course on the historical and/or philosophical aspects of religions, listening to music (ex. chanting nuns or monks) while taking a walk through nature, reading Rumi poetry, etc.... You could incorporate a variety of spiritual ways of being into your already full life.

Eventually we all yearn for a deeper understanding about the world, nature of life, and God or mystery, don't you think? It's part of the human condition. Thanks for bringing up this topic.

I like to think of this yearning as G-d calling us to closer relationship with spirit/G-d/the holy.  It's good to be reminded of all of the things you list in this post.

Originally Posted by Mommalyze 

 I just stumbled across this community and I loved your post. I feel the least connected to God when I am busy with my day to day life and busy brain - but most connected when I am around other spiritual people. I used to go to a ladies church group once per week and it was wonderful. We broke off into different study groups and basically talked a lot about parenting, since that was the group I chose since I had young children. I feel most connected to God when my brain and my space is free from clutter - but that is a big challenge for me. Anyway, I hope you find your way...

I agree that the energy of other people focused on spirit makes opening my awareness to G-d's presence so much easier.  I hope you find more opportunities for being together with people in that way, like the ladies church group.  I know for myself that it can be so tempting in a group like that just to enjoy one another's company and forget our real purpose for gathering.  My spiritual director's peer group started meeting 20 minutes early to "shmooze" (chat, catch up) so that we would be deliberate about not letting our time focusing on being together in G-d's presence be whittled away by our need to connect with each other on a more surface level.