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Our dd will be 6 in March... She is not like what you describe, but she has always been a rather calm kid. She has been more "irrational" and intense than before, though.
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About tv and whether it affects things. I think it absolutely does, but that does not mean the behavior will not appear without it. Additionally, when kids have friends who watch tv (the sort of shows you would not like), that is about as good as your child watching it, also. Lots of behaviors will come home through friends. (I realize this is not the case with the op, but someone mentioned dd having started school.) I watched this phenomenon quite a bit as a teacher of little ones. Only few were able to resist and even they not completely.
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To get through this phase, I agree that staying calm is the way. Drama is a lot less fun if no one else is willing to play along. The child also needs to know that the parents can deal with the big emotions she, as of yet, cannot handle. I think op needs to decide, at a calm moment, how to react in the moments of drama, and then follow through. No need to think in the heat of the moment, so that helps in not getting too involved, emotionally. BTW, I will tell dd that is is not ok to talk to me "that way" and the bigger issue "I cannot know what you think unless you tell me." She absolutely knows when someone is not talking nicely. It is just that there are times she is not able to control herself. (Reminds me of many adults, also, TBH.) She is learning self control and knows what is right and wrong. That is just fine for now.
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BTW, candy and crappy toys (and even some friends) would all be in the category of "she cannot handle right now." There is no way she would be getting any candy, if she yelled about it. Not only because of the rudeness, but because of the sugar and dies, which can make behavior much worse. I would not remove those in an angry way and not as a punishment. They would not have been there to begin with, but since they are, I would explain calmly why they are not going to be around and then expect the fit about it. The crappy toys are one thing, but the candy, IMO, really needs to go when a child is having trouble. It is as if, on one hand, the parent is demanding good behavior and, on the other, making it really difficult for the child.
With the things written below, this sounds like a case of being overwhelmed with a young baby in the house. Your dd must seem very big to you compared to the little baby and there are all kinds of demands put on mom constantly. However, it is not 5 yo's "fault" that she has the gift of a sibling. It is likely to me that this situation, as wonderful as it really is, is affecting your dd. She IS still rather little.
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Our almost 6 yo TRULY cannot find much. She needs to be directed very spefically: Now lift the lid. Now take everything out of the basket. Take out the ball, take out the dress, etc. Do you see it?" Sending her in a room to look is sure to end up in frustration and a parent needing to go look. I used to teach 8 year-olds. 50% of them could not find a thing. "Look in your backpack" resulted in me looking in said bag and finding whatever it was the child had looked for.
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Some days just hearing "MOM???" from her is enough to get an exasperated "WHAT DO YOU NEED NOW???" I need to keep us out to protect both of our sanities
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2 other things that are killing me at this age. Everything goes missing and she has zero ability to look for it. For example, her ipod was gone and I was not happy about that, I kept telling her to look, she'd walk into another room for 30 seconds and come out saying "I looked". um, no you didn't. My husband found it in the bottom of her dress-up bin in a back pack under a bunch of other stuff. yeah, makes no sense.
With 4 children (3 teens) and 1 5 yr old I've been where you are and as is often said this too shall pass.
My 5 yr old DDÂ is quiet sassy and whiny much more so than our older children were (1 boy and 2 girls).I just try to pick my battles and deal with the sassiness and whiny attitude the best way I can and sometimes that just means a timeout for me. LOL
edited to add...
My now 15 yr old was always losing things at a young age and a little older and would do the samething look for something in a room for about 30 sec. then whine about how she could not find item, we had to be very specific about where and how to look for said item ,we'd involve her in the search and not go looking for the item alone without her,it seemed to help and now she's much better at keeping up with her stuff.
I openly admit that I was occasionally oversensitive to her behavior, probably as a result of having a baby. I also find it annoying when she is always grabbing the baby and picking her up when she was totally content and making her cry.
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However, I think this is primarily just HER. And maybe it was worse the past 2 weeks because our normal activities were gone with winter break. Even just the way she was treating my husband and her grandparents lately. On Christmas, she smacked dh when he told her to drink water instead of pop (she normally doesn't drink pop but we let her have some that day. we had to cut her off eventually, though). She hit my mom's hand out of the way when she was trying to help her with something, and had a very rude tone when my MIL was helping her with something. I think the part that gets me the most is the new arguing over everything. Now every time I ask her to do something, it seems like a battle. And I don't have THAT many requests.
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My key is I guess not having too many goals for each day and getting out a lot.
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Ok as I was typing this, she asked for some snack that we only have a limited amount of. I said no and was about to suggest something else, but she she went on "OKAY! Then I'll just starve! That's what you say every day! I can't eat anything" then dramatically went over to the couch to whine about how "my tummy is grumbling and I'm so hungry but mommy says I have to starve and i can't eat anything. ahhh it hurts, I'm so hungry" etc.  that's the other annoying thing. I get megadoses of drama every day.
With the things written below, this sounds like a case of being overwhelmed with a young baby in the house. Your dd must seem very big to you compared to the little baby and there are all kinds of demands put on mom constantly. However, it is not 5 yo's "fault" that she has the gift of a sibling. It is likely to me that this situation, as wonderful as it really is, is affecting your dd. She IS still rather little.
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Our almost 6 yo TRULY cannot find much. She needs to be directed very spefically: Now lift the lid. Now take everything out of the basket. Take out the ball, take out the dress, etc. Do you see it?" Sending her in a room to look is sure to end up in frustration and a parent needing to go look. I used to teach 8 year-olds. 50% of them could not find a thing. "Look in your backpack" resulted in me looking in said bag and finding whatever it was the child had looked for.
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Some days just hearing "MOM???" from her is enough to get an exasperated "WHAT DO YOU NEED NOW???" I need to keep us out to protect both of our sanities
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2 other things that are killing me at this age. Everything goes missing and she has zero ability to look for it. For example, her ipod was gone and I was not happy about that, I kept telling her to look, she'd walk into another room for 30 seconds and come out saying "I looked". um, no you didn't. My husband found it in the bottom of her dress-up bin in a back pack under a bunch of other stuff. yeah, makes no sense.
I'm sorry for laughing. It's not funny, really, but it's soooo familiar! I feel your pain, and have no suggestions except the same old ones, enough sleep, predictable routines, boundaries, blah blah blah. I suck at the routines, and I think that makes things worse here.
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The dawdling is my push-button. I get so frustrated. I know the solution - I need to keep reminding her what she's supposed to be doing. And sometimes I can manage that - other times I'm trying to get me and her brother ready too. Then when I come in to her room and remind her she's going to be late, she invariably either swoons on the bed, or starts jumping up and down and wringing her hands - neither of which helps either my mood or her tardiness. I'm trying very hard to NOT react to this stuff. I think I need to put a timer in her room.
Would you even believe I joined this entire website to get an answer to THIS EXACT QUESTION. Oh my word. Glad I'm not alone.
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I'm laughing because I just went through a huge stack of library books (What's Next) myself and at the end of it ended up with a few new phrases that have been helpful but overall NOW I'm just really sad about her feeling so many negative emotions all the time on top of my already topped-off annoying chart.
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We were at a football party tonight, actually, and we had to be the first to leave so that we could all get to bed and have a happy morning tomorrow. My 2yo put on her shoes, said goodbye to the hosts and got ready to go. My 5.5yo started making this whining noise and refused to come downstairs (she had been given notice at 15, 5 and 3 minutes). I did all the 'right' stuff, like wow I can see you're really upset right now, oh man I know it's so hard to leave such a fun time, it's so nice to have great friends...all things I truly feel but my WORD at some point I would have hoped it would have worked. So anyway, it ended with her stomping down the stairs and screaming at me in front of the entire group that she h---ed me (this is the first time we've heard THAT word from her) and a bunch of other terrible things. It was really awful for all of us and it feels like anger and conflict is a theme lately! Not fun!
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Anyway, we think she might have gotten some of the attitude from school, but from reading all of this I'm thinking maybe she got some of it from being 5. I would be lying if I said that tonight I was primarily concerned about what she was feeling. Tonight I was primarily concerned with being humiliated by my kid in front of the entire neighborhood. Tomorrow I'll worry about her emotions and keep wondering how I can protect her heart (and still get out the freaking door when it is time to go)...
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sorry to barge in on this thread as i don't have a dramatic kid but i also don't have a girl. i'm curious if anyone's noticed their boys being as sassy? cuz i sure haven't. i'm not usually into stereotyping but can it be a gender/age thing?
My son (6 next month) started getting sassy when he started kindergarten. I think partly it's influence from other kids, but mostly it's because he thinks he's a "big kid" now and knows everything. He will ask me a question, and when I answer he says "I knoooooow" in a snotty voice. If you knew, then why'd you ask??? 
 I hope he gets over it soon. In the meantime, I try to follow Love & Logic with him, and try not to get angry and irritated in response. Some days it's hard...
sorry to barge in on this thread as i don't have a dramatic kid but i also don't have a girl. i'm curious if anyone's noticed their boys being as sassy? cuz i sure haven't. i'm not usually into stereotyping but can it be a gender/age thing?
Both my boys (6 and 3, respectively) have attitude with me at times. With my older DS, I will just fix him with a look and say, "Try that again." I was amazed at how well this works. He will then rephrase what he's said or use a different tone.
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With my 3 year old...well, let's just say he is a work in progress. He is beyond sassiness and into screaming when he's frustrated and trying to get his point across. I'll make him stop and practice phrasing things differently, but he is sometimes so tightly-wound that it is Room City for a while. Not loving this phase.Â
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Both my boys (6 and 3, respectively) have attitude with me at times. With my older DS, I will just fix him with a look and say, "Try that again." I was amazed at how well this works. He will then rephrase what he's said or use a different tone.
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I think I'll try that. I am trying so hard to keep my temper when she loses hers or gets sassy.
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Both my boys (6 and 3, respectively) have attitude with me at times. With my older DS, I will just fix him with a look and say, "Try that again." I was amazed at how well this works. He will then rephrase what he's said or use a different tone.
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I think I'll try that. I am trying so hard to keep my temper when she loses hers or gets sassy.
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This actually works pretty well at our house too - if he asks for something in a rude or demanding way he gets a look and a "please find another way to say that" or "try again". The amazing thing is that he actually does it! Not that it's all bliss at our house ... the drama is here in full force and the NOT LISTENING is driving us up the wall!!!!
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Welcome Liz! Misery loves company LOL.
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On the other hand, there are times when my DD is incredibly, amazingly funny, creative, and loving. Passion works both ways.
Thanks for that perspective! That was exactly looking for. We're a military family, so the people I'm around (who are for the most part VERY well-meaning parents) tend to take a more Draconian look at child raising. Like, sometimes literally beat it out of her. Other times, isolate it out of her, or yell it out of her...nobody else seemed to really be thinking about what was going on INSIDE my little drama mama. I mean, to me at least, trying to raise a kid by controlling their behavior is like trying to steer a car by tugging on the antenna. But sometimes that behavior can be sooo baffling and infuriating!
Wow! I'm so happy to have found this thread!
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DD will turn (6) this spring and whoah, she sounds like many if not all of the posts in this thread. I see it as a developmental stage and a temperment issue (she is creative, dramatic, energetic, etc..).  Although, I have questioned if there is something going on at school that I don't know about b/c it seems that she has a harder time when school is in session and when she comes home unless everything goes her way she will often explode into angry diatribes with a "mama is mean" or "mama doesn't love me" theme. It almost seems that she is bottling up tension at school and then just lets it all out afterward. I have good communication with her teachers and I have not been able to pinpoint anything specific at school, so??
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While I encourage DD to view our home as a safe place to vent her anger and express herself freely, I also say that she needs to learn to do it in a way that does not harm others (instead of screaming at DS and I--scream in a pillow, etc..). So I nodded and breathed a sigh of relief as I read of others of you talking about respecting others over and over. :) It is really a teaching, directing time but so hard!
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I need this thread too. I am really trying hard to keep out of the power struggles with dd. To the best of my ability I let her have her way or give her an alternative or choice because she really wants to do her own thing these days (she is almost 7). One thing that really worked was coupons to get out of ballet- she has 2 for the semester and I have not had any whining about ballet since she received these. It is a good lesson for me to give her more choice. Also works in the grocery store. She really started whining today while shopping and after sending her to get a few things on her own her attitude improved a lot. She wants to feel capable and respected. Often I can't see or hear past the attitude to really listen to what she is saying she wants. I can't believe that I need to develop more patience. I thought with three little kids I was all set for patience but I just need to keep digging deeper. Most days I ask God for help in front of the kids "I can't do it today God!". Maybe I should get down on my knees and beseech the heavens next time they are fighting. That might just shock them out of it. Â Interesting though, how a 6 yr old can bring out my own inner 6 yr old so easily!
