encouraging 4 yo to play alone

[catinthehat]

My dd2 is 4 yo.  her older sister is in school all day M-F so she and I are home together most days, although she does go to preschool M, W, and F for 2.5 hours.  The problem is that for as long as dd1 has been away for school, dd2 is never able to play by herself.  I am sure this is pretty typical for the second/third/etc born.  It is exhausting though for me.  She will follow me around all day talking to me, and I am usually okay with that, but she will literally never play by herself.  She really doesn't play pretend at all, all day long.  Is this normal for a 4 year old?  She will help me with things, we play games, and puzzles, art, etc.  I really don't play pretend with her, I just have a really hard time with it.  If I am not constantly interacting with her, she will go in the kitchen and grab food.  This becomes a problem b/c she snacks all day and then doesn't want her lunch.  It has become a way to get my attention.  I guess I am just looking to hear if her behavior and inability to play alone is normal, or if its not what could be going on.  Also some ideas for encouraging her play, and ideas on how to deal with the food issue.  Thanks so much for the help!  

[OTMomma]

Sounds pretty normal to me.  I would suggest taking the struggle out of the food issue- only have available healthy snacks that you can feel OK about her eating instead of lunch- cheese sticks, apples, whole grain crackers, whatever works for you. 

My oldest didn't ever play alone at that age,  unless it was with a computer game or a leapster toy.  My middle child is 3, and will happily play alone, but he also often does things like dump out all my sugar to make a "beach" in the kitchen, so I miss my first born's desire to just play with me, and not be so creative.

[catinthehat]

Thanks OTMomma,

I agree that I should take the battle out of the food issue.  It does become more complicated though b/c she will ask for things, and then not finish them, and then go back for something else 5 minutes later.  It does seem to be, at least in part, to get my attention, and it does.  I don't like her wasting the food.  So, I tell her she needs to finish the first thing she asked for, but she won't and she then continually tries to go into the kitchen and sneak other things.  Ahh!

I was just thinking how like my little brother she is.  He HATED being alone.  It was the worst thing in the world for him.  I don't remember if he played by himself, but I have a feeling he didn't.  It is probably just a personality thing.  It can be sooo tiring though.  I guess I was just pysching myself out by worrying that there was something wrong with her b/c she never plays by herself.  

[Llyra]

What about just having one scheduled snacktime-- sometimes halfway between meals-- and only allowing water in between?

As for the playing alone-- I don't know. Mine so rarely GET any time to themselves-- our house is so noisy and busy-- that when they have the opportunity to play something "all by myself," they leap at the chance. So I don't know that I have any suggestions there-- other than to suggest creating a consistent routine around it. Say, for example, setting aside the first hour after breakfast as "alone time," so that she knows to expect it, knows it has a definite end, and it becomes "just the way things are." I find that kids that age do so much better with routines, since then they know what to expect and can anticipate it.

[catinthehat]

That is great advice Llyra, about having a set schedule around alone play time.  I will def work on that.