Volunteer work with a 4-year-old?

[atpeace]

Anyone have any ideas about how to get a 4-year-old involved in some sort of community volunteer work?  I'm looking for something age-appropriate and meaningful, but that doesn't take a huge time commitment.  What have some of you done with your kids?  My goals are: spending time with her, broadening her perspective (i.e. especially around the holidays when I want to communicate that "stuff" doesn't make us happy, helping other people can!), and engaging in a meaningful activity that can spark questions and conversation. 

(I used to do a ton of volunteer work in my youth, but since the kids and job and house became priorities, I sort of dropped out of that sphere and miss it!  Although my usual volunteer jobs wouldn't be good for bringing my 4yo to.  The only volunteer work I do now is at DD's school once per week).  

Any ideas?  

[Tigerchild]

My kids regularly volunteer with me at a homeless encampment, and have since they were 3 and 4.  They also have favorite organizations in the community that they regularly (with no input or control on my part) contribute to--both monetarily and in-kind.  At ages 7 and 8 they're coming up with their own ideas now about how to give to others.

To be really honest, I think that probably you should make this a year round thing, not just a holiday thing.  I think a lot of parents get a lot of anxiety around the holidays because their kids seem greedy and/or unappreciative--but the problem is that EVERYONE is thinking of helping around the holiday and ignores stuff the rest of the year.  The holidays are a very stressful time for everyone, esp. if you hope to deal with people directly--your children may see someone going off the deep end or dealing with a very dark depression or who is extremely cranky.  Not that that's not a possibility at other times, but...in addition to that, most kids are sensitive and really overstimulated around the holidays.

So for direct people-work, I would advise doing it during the "off season".  It's more relaxed, it's very important, and you're not using other people as object lessons during the holidays when everyone is under more stress.  I think it's also easier, especially for young children, for them to get stuff when it's not piled on to a ton of other celebrations.  It's also less high stakes for you, so that when your kid don't seem to "get" it or verbalize it, you're not feeling let down after making time to do this in the middle of everything else.

Or you can start by dipping your toe in slowly.  Do you guys do giving trees/Toys for tots?  Maybe it's time to step it up a notch.  Sponsor a family at the Y next year to make it personal--if you don't have the means to do it yourself, invite some other families to go in with you.  Call around local orgs, can you guys go help assemble goody packs that will be given out to other people?  Again, you'll run in to agencies not really needing much help during the holidays because they get slammed with people/groups wanting to help, as you may know based on your previous experience.  BUT, you can collect info, perhaps you can do it in January.  Or if they need extra hands, great!

You can also organize your own events.  Maybe your family can do an open house, but your kids decide what charity they'd like to collect for (you mention that you're collecting items for the food bank/pet shelter/ect. and would welcome, but not require, people to bring them).  Then the kids can come with you to deliver.

You might also ask around and see if there are homeless agencies that run camps/shelters that sign people up to cook dinner.  Then your family can have a dinner party--except you're making it, and serving it, for other people with the kids.  (That's how we got started as a family, which led to a relationship with the camp, and has led to other activities for/with them.)

Little kids can be tricky--they are not always allowed to help in distribution centers for liabilities and/or previous bad experience on the part of the people running the organization.  I have found the home collection "parties", adopt-a-family/servicemember, ect. stuff to be the easiest way to ease back into volunteering as a young family.  I am pretty proud of how my kids have really incorporated this into their lives over the years--last year all three did not want presents at their birthday parties (this was their idea, NOT mine), instead they collected donations for groups of their choosing (two chose a local food bank, one chose a local pet shelter)--they really enjoyed taking things in.  This year they helped cook and serve 5 meals to our camp.  They also participate in the community outreach at our school using things they've bought with their own money--because it's important to them.

I think making community service a year round, non-high-stakes activity really helped lay the foundation.  I never preached at them--just answered their questions honestly.  It was really interesting to me how quickly kids can "get it" through their own perspective (none of mine are unusually empathetic, either).  Giving them opportunities to grow into direct service and then, supporting them in that helped too. 

[atpeace]

Wow, thanks Tigerchild!  Awesome suggestions, and I am very impressed how your kids are so generous and self-sacrificing.  You do have a lot to be proud of!  Good job. 

I was actually thinking of starting in the new year instead of now, since we need a new activity for the winter months and I think volunteering would be great.  I see what you mean about the holidays not being the best time to undertake this.  From all your suggestions, my favourite one is to collect donations the next time we have a get-together or party or birthday celebrations.  So easy, and DD can be in charge of it!  

Thanks again!     

[bluebunny]

My oldest DD (almost four) loves to deliver meals to shut-ins with me.  I deliver meals twice a month for Meals on Wheels (fantastic organization!).  She loves knocking on the doors and announcing "Meals on Wheels" and talking to the person at the door.  It isn't very time consuming, about an hour and a half.  I highly recommend it.

[GuildJenn]

My son's helped sort a local food bank, but they do discourage it now.

We have a community clean-up day that we do together...not sure it's my fav form of volunteering but it's so super easy that there's no reason to let it go by.

Our weekly thing is that I give him $10 to shop with at the grocery store, for food for the food bank bin there. We talk about non-perishable food, healthy food, etc. It's more donating than volunteering though, but he fills his cart with choices for the "imagined family" and then puts it in the bin...and I get my shopping done. :)

[ElliesMomma]

bring a bag with the next time you do a walk together and let him pick up trash. easy and fun for a 4 year old! and really makes a big difference!!

[Fay]

I have been volunteering at the elementary school library with DS2 since he was  baby.  Now we also assist in the art classroom & in the school office.  With DS1 was a toddler, we used to assist with worship services at a nursing home -- he's 9 years old now and still reminisces fondly about those days!

You may also consider offering a community education class with your kids, such as a toddler art class or parent training in attachment parenting or whatever your academic specialty/creative talent is.  I help out with my local chapter of the Holistic Moms Network, organizing playgroups and speaking to the group about babywearing.

My kids often donate food to a local food bank and help me clean up their favorite parks.  I absolutely hate seeing trash at the playground, so I turn the experience into something positive.

[Tigerchild]

They are awesome kids, but...I would not call them self-sacrificing.  They don't lack for toys or anything like that.  In many ways, I hope to instill in them the idea that caring for others is not a sacrifice, it's something that you should do because you can and because it's important.  If you ask them what the best thing is about doing donation parties they'll tell you it's that they don't have have write individual thank you notes.  :D  And as I mentioned before, they are not on the top tier of empathy either, except for one.

I know over the years I have been influenced by people who give smartly and as part of their lifestyle.  That's what I really want for my kids.  Do they understand it all now?  No, they don't.  Do I hope it's an ingrained habit by the time they fly the coop at 18?  Yes, that is really my ultimate goal.  And it's not all me--we belong to a church that is extremely active in social justice issues (not just talking, but most importantly *action* on a concrete, regular basis), and belong to a school that has a pretty dynamic outreach program too, for an elementary school.  The church and school were both our choices, but not really for those issues--I can see the value of having a whole network of adults in their lives for whom sharing their time and resources is as natural as breathing now!

I think with preschoolers, it's best to pick something and give them structure.  So, for the new year, you pick an "issue" or an organization/community and make that your focal point of the year.  Have the donation party.  Have your kiddo make thank you cards for the workers/volunteers to give to them when you bring the stuff in.  Make a collection jar, then let them scour the house/car for spare change every week to put in there, and when you fill it up, count it out together and then have them see you write the check and maybe they make a little card and get to put the check/card into the mail.  Sign up to get the newsletter from that org, and read it with your kiddo.  Pray/meditate for the people who are served.  If you hear a related subject come up on the radio, chat about it.  At the end of the year, talk about all the cool stuff you did with that org, and sit down as a family to decide if you want to continue on next year or pick something else.  Before you know it, with the example of that structure, your kids will bring their own ideas to the table--and as much as you can let them run with it.  My DD one year got the idea to sell rocks door to door to raise money for Tent City, after seeing me dealing with an aggressive door to door "charity" solicitor.  We had a conversation about ground rules (and I emailed our immediate neighbors to ask their permission for DD to come to their door and assured them that I totally understood if they wanted to decline) but then I allowed her to do it with the people who said yes (all 4 of them.  :D)  She decided she liked parties better, even though she was thrilled to raise $5.  :D  Can't say I blame her.  This summer she and her brothers want to do a lemonade stand, but they're fighting over who to raise money for--so we'll see how that goes.

I think most people will be really surprised how easily kids take to stuff like this.  But at the same time, I think you have to manage your expectations about how much they get, as well as their motivations.  I hope that by the time the kids are old enough and perhaps ready enough to handle some of the "less fun" aspects, that their maturity and empathy will have caught up--but right now it's all about building a habit.

I don't actually think that community service teaches empathy, oddly.  Nor do I believe that it teaches little kids appreciation for what they have.  I do think though it builds a family framework for those discussions and habits that will hopefully carry the kids through and beyond as that grows within them--but it's still not why we do it for our family; for DH and I it's a matter primarily of ethics (and in my case, spiritual mandate), not a touchy feely thing.
 

Originally Posted by atpeace 

Wow, thanks Tigerchild!  Awesome suggestions, and I am very impressed how your kids are so generous and self-sacrificing.  You do have a lot to be proud of!  Good job.  

[jtbuko]

Foster an animal: when my youngest was four we fostered a couple of dogs, each for about a month at a time, and talked about how they did not have a family to take of them and teach them how to behave in a house. We read lots of books about fostering and training animals, walked the dog daily, and worked on training, and she even helped me talk to people about the dog at adoption day at pet store. Bonding with and caring for the animal helped her to connect with the cause in a way I have not seen with other volunteer work we have done.

Pick up trash: I know this was already mentioned, but in addition to doing it on your own you can make a playgroup out of it or participate in seasonal waterways cleanups (should be easy to google) with family and friends.

Find an elderly person who needs help with errands: start by contacting local senior center.

Tour your local food pantry: ours lets moms groups bring the kids through for a tour if everyone brings a bag of donations.

Sometimes it is easier to find your own volunteer work and fit the kids into it than to find volunteer work specifically for the kids. Volunteer doing what YOU like to do/ feel called to do/can fit into your life and bring your kid along: over the years my kids have hung on my back while I cooked and served meals in shelters, played by my feet at meetings for the local literacy organization, trained with me for the Avon breast cancer walk, taken inventory of the PTA spiritwear closet, decorated the bags on lunches for local day laborers and helped deliver, joined me at community education events, come along  while I babysat for foster parents in meetings, picked up trash etc.

[Nicoleandco]

We do a few things that can be turned into a learning experience- 

1 a month we go grocery shopping for the food bank.  We can only afford about $10-15, but I tell dd that it's nice to do what we can.  She get to pick out things she thinks others would like.  We also go to the thrift store and shop for gifts for children to donate.  About once a year we all go trough our clothings, toys, books, etc and give them away.  I usually post on Facebook and ask if any of my friends know a family who needs them.  Dd really is beginning to understand what this means to other people.

This summer I plan on taking her to the local river cleanup.  I do it every year, and I know she will be old enough over the summer.  If you can't find a charity that will let a kid volunteer, there a lot of ways to do it on your own! :) 

[meemee]

i am an immigrant. i cant help but volunteer. it really helps my mental health as it gives me a sense of contributing, esp. since i dont have family here to contribute to. for me its better to volunteer than watch tv. so in a sense volunteering is a great way to pass the time. 

so dd goes with me everywhere to volunteer. most places allow kids under supervision. 

i totally agree. we volunteer year round. 

here is where i have volunteered with dd since she was 4. actually in many of those she was slinged to me as i volunteered. 

- stuffing stockings at homeless shelter

- river cleanup

- weeding at our local farm

- just go and chat with elders in retirement communities. not truly volunteering but it meant a lot to everyone involved. her gpa and gma used to live in one of them so we'd go and spend half hour to an hour before or after visiting gparents hanging out with the others. 

- tree planting and weeding at our local RCD or tree foundation

- anything in our church

- i am also a docent at a couple of places. by 5 dd was part of my docent program doing little independent bits by herself. for instance i do a lot of outreach for the local native indian museum. dd handles the talk about games and not only showing games to the other kids but also what the games meant to the natives.

btw i had no expectations out of my dd. she was just accompanying me coz i had no childcare. so whatever she did she did out of her own free will - sorta. and i tell you she is much more aware of the world than a lot of kids her age. i never sat and talked to her or told her or taught her. she asked. i or someone else answered. 

[staceychev]

Originally Posted by GuildJenn 

Our weekly thing is that I give him $10 to shop with at the grocery store, for food for the food bank bin there. We talk about non-perishable food, healthy food, etc. It's more donating than volunteering though, but he fills his cart with choices for the "imagined family" and then puts it in the bin...and I get my shopping done. :)

I love this idea. Our store has little kid sized shopping carts and this would be a wonderful part of our shopping trips.