*Now 35 weeks and still don't want to do this*
I am 22 weeks pregnant (with surprise #3) and not doing so well. I'm in denial I have to go through labor and birth again.
DS was a failed induction turned unnecessarian (impatient midwife) at 41w6d. I remember being thankful when they did the spinal because the pain of the contractions (with pit) stopped. Looking back I think that if I had said no cesarean I just want an epi he would have been born vaginally.
With DD I had been pumping once a day from 39w (I have IGT and had a low supply with DS). Anyway, 39w5d PROM. Labor did not start. 12 hours later I took castor oil, went to hospital at 18 hours PROM, needed almost constant nipple stim to keep labor going, At 33 hours past PROM I agreed to pit. I begged to go into the tub and was completely SHOCKED when it did nothing to ease the contractions. After the pit hypnobabies also did nothing to help. A few hours later I got an epidural because besides the pain being intolerable I was utterly exhausted and needed to sleep. After my nap they shut off the epidural but DD's heart was dropping when I was pushing so I was flat on my back pushing uphill. She was born 44 hours after my water broke. My midwife (different practice then DS) was in the hospital with me for over 24 hours. Yes, she came out of my vagina but I could barely move for days. It was awful. I feel bad complaining because I 'got my VBAC'. And guilty because of the epidural.
I can understand the desire for a medicated birth and even a c/s. If we knew this was our last child I would seriously consider scheduling a c/s. I cannot go through labor like that again. The thought that it could be the same makes me break down and cry. I don't know if I can do it without the epidural. But I hated being stuck on my back and I hate catheters. Maybe I have a lower pain tolerance than others. I don't know. I thought that by this point I would be beginning to be ok with birthing again. I'm not even ok with being pregnant yet. I feel so unattached to the baby. I'm not sure what to do next to prepare for the inevitable. I did hire a doula atleast. DH thinks I'm insane because I just keep crying.
Edited by Taryn237 - 3/15/11 at 6:34am