Alternative names for the "Time-out" chair?

[MommyofHero]

I find the term "time-out" to be rather negative, so me and DH were thinking about how else to refer to a toddler's "break-time" from the situation. Do any of you have other names for this? We were thinking maybe "Breathing Time" or something of that nature that suggests calmness. Any ideas? Thanks so much!

[Petie1104]

What would you be using this for?  Are you planning on using as a place for him to go to when he gets overwhelmed?  Is it a place for you to place them, or a place for them to choose to go?  Depending on what it is used for would determine what to call it.

[MommyofHero]

Originally Posted by Petie1104 

What would you be using this for?  Are you planning on using as a place for him to go to when he gets overwhelmed?  Is it a place for you to place them, or a place for them to choose to go?  Depending on what it is used for would determine what to call it.

Well, this is our first child, and she is 2, and we haven't really begun any disciplinary techniques yet because we haven't had the need to, but we were reading in one of Dr. Sears books about using a "time-out"-type method during a tantrum (or whenever the toddler is expressing intense overwhelmed behavior) and removing her from the situation and placing her in a designated spot (with a parent) to regroup and calm down. Actually, it's not too different from what an adult needs during a stressful or overwhelming situation-- I find myself occasionally needing a "time-out" where I go to a solitary spot somewhere for a minute and do breathing exercises or yoga to relax. We just don't want to label it "time-out" because it suggests punishment. This is our first child and we are about to have #2 and we are really quite new to this.  Just trying to get an idea of what other AP parents do...

[HeatherAtHome]

With my niece, I call it "quiet time on the couch". It has a nice ring to it I find and I use it when things are getting noisy, if we need to redirect attention, prepare for a nap etc. She might be alone (with me at computer 5 feet away) or we might sit together. It could be reading a book together, her reading alone, she might be watching me do stuff on the computer, she might play quietly with a little car etc. It isn't used as punishment but more of a shifting of gears when things are getting too crazy. If she's upset over something and crying I might suggest we have quiet time on the couch together where I put an arm around her, let her cry then ask why she's so upset. 

She's 4.5 now and I've been using the phrase since she was 3. (We're together often enough, my sister is a single student and I'm her #1 babysitter)

[Petie1104]

OK, I know some people call it a "comfort corner".  The idea is that you put stuffed animals, blankets, books, whatever things are calming and pleasant to the child, so that they have a chance to calm down in a nice area.

[GuildJenn]

Well we have time-ins but we just call them "come sit with me on the couch while you calm down." We also have a "you hit, you sit" rule. 

I do think designation counts. If it's a cosy spot or a quiet spot, those work...but (IMO) they have to actually BE cosy or quiet or whatever.  For what it's worth, those haven't worked well with my son. Being sent somewhere other people are not is to his mind always punitive...but I know kids for whom it works great.

If the idea is more the punitive naughty-stool type thing, my feeling is at least label it that way.

[littlemizflava]

every child will need to be calmed in a different way. if my ds 4 is really mad there is no talking to him, comforting him, he just goes nuts till he calms down on his own. my dd8 is the same but more of a sulking.

at my moms we say go to the black chair. there is 2 of them so if they are fighting one to each chair. when we are home i say you need to go sit down if they refuse i say go to the wall. :lol my hallway wall is not normal there is stickers and it is painted with 1-100, shapes, colors, abc's and the times table. the wall gives them time to do something and change their thinking.

[starling&diesel]

We have a "thinking chair" in our house.  It's a great big comfy orange easy chair in a corner of the living room.  Very much a part of the living space, and a regular, daily used piece of furniture. 

I'm not a huge fan of time outs, but we needed to do something for when dd hits the dog intentionally.  So far, that's the only time we use it. 

The first time she hits the dog, she gets a verbal warning, down at her level with clear language.  She's also reminded that hitting the dog again will result in spending two minutes in the thinking chair.  If she hits the dog again, she takes herself to the thinking chair, fusses for a few seconds (maybe thirty) and then settles in to "think."  She taps the side of her head and says, "I thinking in my thinking chair.  Think, think."

[zinemama]

I'm a little puzzled. What are the negative connotations of "Time Out"?

[earthmama369]

When our kids were toddlers, we didn't have a designated place to go to chill out. Depending on the child's personality, we would guide them to take some deep breaths and calm down, and to find a space to chill out. With my daughter, that was generally just a different room -- anywhere that was a change of scenery -- and my lap. With my son, it was also a change of scenery, but he calmed down better with some space before trying to talk. As they've gotten older, their bedroom has become a good space for chilling out. We've got a comfortable rocking chair in there, as well as the ability to turn the bottom bunk bed into a "cave" by hanging blankets around the edges. They generally go there at our direction but come out when they feel they're ready.

[ssh]

Originally Posted by zinemama 

I'm a little puzzled. What are the negative connotations of "Time Out"?

There are several depending on how it's used. Isolating someone because of behavior can make the person feel rejected. Isolating someone because of tantrums can send the message "I only like/love you when you are pleasant". Punishing a small child for tantrums can interfere with the process of learning to deal with big emotions and undermine their ability to become emotionally mature. Any punishment has a negative connotations, and making someone go in time out is punishment.

Using a time in doesn't isolate the child and isn't rejecting since you have the child with you. The Dr. Sears method is a time in. Having a nice comfy place a child can choose to go when they need to calm down isn't the same as a traditional time out so wanting a different name for it makes sense. In my DDs 3/4s preschool class last year if a child didn't want to sit still during circle time they had the alternative of going to sit or lay on the beanbag in the reading corner and look at books or play with a stuffed toy. It wasn't a punishment it was giving the children a choice. We don't have a special place to calm down, but if our 5 year old DD is annoyed, or angry she often goes to her room.

At age 2, DD often wanted to nurse when she was feeling overwhelmed. When she was upset she wanted us near. As someone else said some kids want to be alone instead of needing someone near. Even now when DD storms off to her room she wants someone to knock on the door and ask if she's ok after a few minutes. By age 2.5 she had full blown tantrums. We just calmly labeled her emotions and sympathized, maybe rubbed her back. By a couple of months after turning 3 she started labeling her own emotions and the worst of the tantrums were over.  At 4.5 I taught her how to calm herself down with slow breathing when she was angry or upset. We do "breath out all of the bad feelings", like sad, anger or afraid, and "Breath in good feelings", like love and happy. The idea is she can think about the situation that caused the feelings better when calm and  can choose to do something about it, if needed, better calm too.
 

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by ssh 

Originally Posted by zinemama 

I'm a little puzzled. What are the negative connotations of "Time Out"?

There are several depending on how it's used. Isolating someone because of behavior can make the person feel rejected. Isolating someone because of tantrums can send the message "I only like/love you when you are pleasant". Punishing a small child for tantrums can interfere with the process of learning to deal with big emotions and undermine their ability to become emotionally mature. Any punishment has a negative connotations, and making someone go in time out is punishment.

Oh, believe me, I get all that! I've been around here long enough to fully grasp that some folks look on the "time out" concept as harshly punitive.

However, the OP is, in fact planning to use time outs as part of her parental toolbox. My question was, that being the case, what is so negative about the actual term itself? I don't find "time out" to have different connotations than "breathing time" "quiet time" etc. To me, none of these terms suggest punishment; rather, all suggest a space apart, something most of us need occasionally.