dog dilema

[Snapdragon]

I don't know what to do about this situation. I have 2  12 yr old dogs, siblings, in very good health and active. I ahev taken super good care of them their whole lives. They were my "babies"- and given great food, tons of freedom, excercise, love- everything required to make them happy- and they are- or were- happy and generally well behaved dogs when I did this. The thing is, they have completely wrecked my house- I mean not wrecked it- but there is just dog hair everywhere all the time, scratches all over the wood floors, nice furnture that they are not allowed on gets dirty and gross when the disobey and jump on it at night, their two ll bean dog beds are smelly and gross and covered with dog hair- just the general realities of living in a big house with dogs.Now, I never thoght I would not want these dogs anymore. But- we have a 9 month old baby - and since the baby has been here I just have no extra energy to care for the dogs well. They get the basics, but lots less attention and love and exercise. Now I am especially frustrated with the dog hair everywhere, because even if I clean constantly, when I put the baby on the floor or rug or many places, the dogs have made it dirty and messy and full of hair.The other issue is that we are starting to ant to live different places for a while- and I own my house- and because of the dogs, where I could rent my ohuse out while we rent another place, I usually have to have someone here for free to watch the dogs in exchange for free rent. Or I have to pay someone to watch them.And it is getting to be expensive- we are going away for a few months and having someone watch them. But after that, we really need to figure out what to do- becauswe we may want to rent out our house and go somewhere clean and easy with no dogs- or return here but same thing about the constant mess. Also, they are always needing things - more thna I can give right now, and so have this sad needy kind of feeling- which is not what I want to deal with in the breaks I get from tending the baby.So basically I just feel that I don't have the energy or desire to care for the dogs anymore.I think they have a good 4 yrs or so of life left in them- maybe less- so what do I do?!I thought aobut trying to find them another home but- ugh- the people out there in the world- lots of crazy people- I would only do it with someone I know- and not a lot of people want 2 sweet old dogs.I feel guilty- because I know I took them on as a responsibility for their entire life. But at them same time, the most important thing to me right now is my human family- me, my husband and our son- and I really want to free up the energy to better tend out family- what to do?

[greenmagick]

Ok, well while I understand your feelings, really you just have to suck it up IMO.  It is totally NOT fair to rehome these guys...at 12 the stress could be enough to kill them. The dog hair is not going to hurt your baby.  If the beds are stinky, wash them.  Dogs shedding a lot, brush them or send them to the groomer.

I dont mean this to sound flip. I know how hard it can be when a baby comes around, but that does not negate your responsibility to the dogs.  Nor is it at all easy to rehome senior dogs.  Vent away as needed, but dont give up on them, they wouldnt on you.      

[Snapdragon]

I know- you are totally right. I really agree with you and in the long run I think I WILL just suck it up and keep them- they do deserve it. sigh. I just need  to explore the ideas in my mind to come to some kind of peace with it. I knwo- they are my responsibility- and they are good dogs- ugh, I am so tired of living in a cosn=nstant mess- I clean a lot and even have some help cleaning sometimes- and still within 1-2 days, the dogs mess it all up. But yes- they are mine, and are too old to give away- and I woulod probably feel terribly guilty if I did. We are going somewhere for 3 months without the dogs- someone will be living here and caring for them- and maybe that break will be enough to refresh me. I appreciate your honesty and know you are right.

[Snapdragon]

hi again

 the thing is- I have had this conversation a few times recently- and get similar advice- and then I feel guilty for having even considered it! Which is how I feel now. And then I get a rush of affection for the dogs- and all that- which is how I feel now. And then a few days go by and I get overwhelemed with them again.

But I think ethically they are my resposibilty and all that- and I really do care for them- I think it is just a response to adjusting to being a parent for the first time, and hopefully I can find a better balance.

I think I am going to invest in a couple of new dog beds to replace the smelly ones. (which we have washed many times but you cant wash the inside cushion) and yes- also I sohld brush them to make them less sheddy. I can't even find my dog brush- I keep meaning to- thanks

[greenmagick]

I do think it is a normal thing to go through...I did too!  I totally resented my animals for awhile.  It took time to adjust to all the demands on me and find my balance again.  

[Aeress]

And even at 9 months post partum your hormones are still changing/adjusting, so you might feel less overwhelmed and grossed out by stuff as the baby gets older. When I had my first child, I was very aware of everything- smells, sights, sounds- she was my first and I wanted to be the best Mom I could. How you are feeling is normal. The reality is that it will get easier as the baby grows and the dogs will adjust. Sometimes we just have to adjust our thinking- when you have a baby, you do give your attention to the baby and less attention to other things- again, all normal. When you do have an extra second, a simple pat or rub will let the dogs know you love them. You are doing fine!

[GoBecGo]

Some thoughts i had when reading:

1) is there a kind, friendly neighbourhood kid of about 13 or 14 who would like to come spend time with your dogs every day?  When i was 11-14 i walked a neighbours dog every day (i wanted a dog and we couldn't get one right then) and i loved him and gave him lots of the good attention he needed but his owners were too busy to give.  They needn't walk them if you're uncomfortable with that, just come and play in your yard with them?

2) can you make one part of your home "no dogs" so that there is always a place where your cleaning stays done and it's safe to put the baby down?  That should alleviate a lot of your "can't keep up with the hair" stress.

3) be nice to yourself.  The first year with the first kid is a MAJOR adjustment.  Believe it or not if you didn't have dogs you'd be feeling this way about any and every other thing in your life that demands time and attention, it is HARD caring for a baby and adjusting to motherhood.

[Ola_]

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenmagick 

Ok, well while I understand your feelings, really you just have to suck it up IMO.  It is totally NOT fair to rehome these guys...at 12 the stress could be enough to kill them. The dog hair is not going to hurt your baby.  If the beds are stinky, wash them.  Dogs shedding a lot, brush them or send them to the groomer.

I dont mean this to sound flip. I know how hard it can be when a baby comes around, but that does not negate your responsibility to the dogs.  Nor is it at all easy to rehome senior dogs.  Vent away as needed, but dont give up on them, they wouldnt on you.      

I completely agree (ok, I don't know what it's like when the baby comes cause we won't be doing that part till April).  But I can understand being frustrated and overwhelmed.  Try to think of some practical things that will help you feel better about the situation.  I know that doesn't solve the root problem but sometimes just making small changes is enough to make you feel better and change your outlook, you know?

So the dogs get up on the couch at night, I'm sure that's because it has your smell on it, take it as a compliment. ;)  I figure you can either pile stuff up on the couch before you go to bed so they don't climb up there or toss on a blanket at night so that it's easy to pull off in the morning and contains the mess.  Not sure if you have a Costco membership but they have great dog beds that are cheap (around $20 for big ones), they are sturdy and wash up well.  For the dog hair, well, we got a Roomba a few months ago and I love it!  You still have to empty the canister but it's much easier than having to actually vacuum - keep in mind that the first time we tried it we had to run it in our living room like 10 times, literally, because it kept picking up hair.  It does a much better job than our regular vacuum and it goes on hardwood/carpet/area rugs without issue, and goes underneath stuff too like our coffee table and bed which I rarely would clean under otherwise.

[mattemma04]

I would restrict the dogs with a baby gate. Replace the bedding. Groom and remove as much of the fur as possible.  It is unlikely anyone would take them. Make adjustments  to make things tolerable until you have to euthanize them. Euthanizing is better than giving them to a shelter.Owner turn ins can get the heart stick/gas at any time.Vets generally will be more humane.

[sarafi]

Wow, you have gotten really good advice! I totally second the blanket on the couch idea and the dog beds at Costco, we buy there and they are in fact nicely made and cheap.

I think almost everyone reacts the same way when they have there first baby, all of the sudden things that where tolerable (dog hair, smelly dogs, etc) kind of become overwhelming.

I also really love my Roomba (I actually have the Scooba and run it most nights with just vinegar and water, they are wonderful). We gate the stairs and have the entire upstairs dog free, that really cuts down on the cleaning. Another idea would be to have then groomed now and then shave them down in the spring if you need to take a break from all the hair. They will still shed but should have less hair. I only bath my dog every two-ish weeks, but use a Furminator before and after baths and see very little hair around the house if I actually keep up with my very lax bathing schedule

Hang in there, I know it is hard. Can't help but point out that (if you are like me) in a few years you will be thinking similar thoughts about your baby--they can and will trash your house in no time flat! And if you have another baby the stress just mounts if you let it. The peanut butter hands on the walls/windows/furniture! The things they dip in the toilet, so gross!

[dbsam]

I've recently lost one of my two, very old, dogs and know how difficult it can be to care for older dogs.  When I brought home sick twins six years ago, everyone suggested I get rid of Harry who was full of issues. I'm so glad I didn't and now that he is gone I feel some relief, am not up all night with his dementia, have less mess/destruction in the house...but mostly I am sad and missing him.  I feel bad that my dogs had less attention and exercise since I had the children and at times my patience wore thin...but they were loved and the alternative w/h/b putting them down since re-homing them was not an option.

Here are a few things I did to make it easier (It sounds like your dogs are in better health than my dog but some of these things might work for you now or in future years):

Both of my dogs shed - a lot - so investing in a good grooming periodically is well worth the money.  I found a mobile pet spa that would come to the house which was much less stressful for my old guys.  I didn't have them groomed much when my children were under two because I felt I shouldn't spend the $$ - I should have, it would have made my life easier with regards to vacuuming.

Harry had very little kidney function and had accidents, he also stressed and fell on the tile/wood and would have a BM when he fell.  I normally did not leave the house for more than two hours but it was horrible if this happened when I was gone (separation anxiety was included in his list of 'issues').  So, I installed a gate on the laundry room door and covered the floor with rubber backed rugs.  (He freaked out when confined in a too small space so crating was never an option.) 

I installed a baby gate in the kitchen too.  Rocky, who is old but has normal behavior and is not sick, had the run of the house.  But in the later years, Harry needed to be confined more because I couldn't count on him not having accidents on the carpet.  So, I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with him.  When the children were your son's age, the dogs had free run throughout the house and the gates helped a lot.  I would gate the dogs into another room if I had to go to the bathroom or take a shower.  Even if your dogs are great, I don't think it is a good  idea to keep them alone with babies or young children.  The gates will also come in handy when your son is older and has play-dates.  Not all all children are comfortable around dogs.

While I was pregnant my husband installed a fence.  This made it much easier to let the dogs out for bathroom breaks.  (I was on months of bed-rest and taking them out on a leash was not possible.  As you know, having a baby also makes it difficult to take two dogs out.)  Finding someone reliable to let your dogs out when needed is also a life saver.

Regarding dog beds, I found when I washed the covers they took forever to dry and never fit well over the filling.  I would throw them out and rebuy - too wasteful; I know.  As the dogs get older they have a difficult time with those big fluffy beds.  Harry's beds needed to be washed really often so I started using these beds...they wash and dry beautifully.  They go on sale periodically at Sierra Trading Post.

HTH.  As a pp mentioned, in a few years your children will be causing more mess/damage than the dogs!

[tonttu]

I just use old bed covers over their dog beds , easy to wash and dry . Also , there are special vacuum cleaners available and also other tools , that can really help get the dog hair out of the furniture . Would it be an option for you , to hire somebode to do a deep-clean of the house and then board off the areas , where you don´t want them to be , for example your and baby´s bedroom ?

I know , it´s hard ,but it´ll get better , I went through the same thing , and being a single mum then . There were times , when I thought , I couldn´t handle it , but now I´m glad , I persevered with our old girl .

[BunnySlippers]

When I am pissed at my dog, cat or horse, I fantasize aobut selling/giving them away.I never would,and I  feel better after. Don't feel guilty for thinking about it. I do agree at 12, you definately have a responsibility to suck it up and deal.