He won't stay in bed!!

[mamafever]

Ok so we just moved my 2 year old into his own bed to fall asleep for the night and he did really well with staying in bed to fall sleep if we kept checking in on him...but now he won't stay in bed for anything! I don't want to punish him for getting out of bed. or even tell him to not get out of bed for anything, because what if he really does need something and is scared to get up and dissappoint us. Any thoughts? ideas? Otherwise I end up sitting by his bed again until he falls asleep which takes more then an hour usually. :(

[samhope]

We kind of deal with this with my 27mo who we moved into his own bed at 2.  I put my glider next to his bed and tell him it is time for night night and after kisses I am not be talking any more, but I am here for snuggles if he needed them.  I also take him for a last pee and last water (with warnings they were the last).  I then do not interact except for hand holding or placing my hand on his back.  I do not let him get out of bed (or put him right back in with no talking after the first reminder) for any reason (I know he is fed, has had water, peed/ pooped and is just coming up with every excuse on the planet).  It is kind of like the nanny on tv, but I am physcially there to provide comfort, so I never feel too badly if he cried.  I put on a headlamp and read a book.  It does sometimes take up to an hour, but it is my book time, so I don't mind.  When else do I get an hour to sit and do pleasure reading:)  We just night weaned and he is now in his bed for 10- 10 1/2 hours!  Maybe you can nap or do something you enjoy during the hour of him going to sleep.  I know this kind of attention will not be possible for a second child, but it is working well with my first (so far).

[Louisep]

If it were me, I would just let him come back in the family bed so that I could get sleep. Keep putting him down in his bed and then when he wants to join you, just let him.

[Louisep]

Okay, I see you're expecting in August so you probably want him out of the family bed by then. I don't think it can be easy transitioning a child used to sleeping with their parents since birth. Again, if it were me, I would set up a mattress on the floor by ds and either myself of dh would sleep there until he was fine being on his own. But we're used to odd sleeping arrangements having a really bad sleeper on our hands!

[mamafever]

well, the problem is that we all sleep better when he is not in our bed. He ends up nursing all night and we only have a queen sized bed so I usually end up on the edge and not sleeping well at all. When he is in him room he sleeps longer hours, but still wakes up once or twice. So I dont know....:)

[MsFortune]

Hi Mama, 

We are in similar situation with our 2 year old, too.  He was sleeping fine in his own bed (12 hours straight most nights) until the new baby came.  Now when the baby cries, he wakes up.  It has also turned into him refusing to stay in his bed.

What we did that worked for a while - when he gets out of bed, we go in his room, pick him up, and put him back in bed.  Over and over and over.  No hugs, no snuggles, but not anger either - just calmly and quietly putting him back into the bed.  He didn't cry - he seemed to think it was a game or something.  Eventually he got tired and stayed in bed. 

But if you do it, you have to stick with it.  We picked him up and put him back in bed for about 2 hours one night. 

Now it's not working because he is crying, so that's my latest challenge.  I think where I went wrong was in a few moments of weakness I let him back in the big bed.  So now he just cries so he can get back in bed with us.  He kicks, he sleeps perpendicular to DH and I, and he wakes the baby and we are all so freaking tired!  I'm working but have some time off during the holiday so we are going to have to break this habit again.  Sigh.

[mamafever]

Oh wow. I am so sorry MsFortune! I can't even imagine. That is encouraging me to work harder at it now before the baby comes. I wish I had something to tell you...except I think your right. Whatever we do must be consistent. Blessings!

[One_Girl]

If he takes that long to fall asleep he may be either over tired or not tired enough.  If his bedtime is around 9 or later I suggest trying to knock back bedtime by an hour, having a routine around bedtime that includes some relaxing things (we did shower, teeth, books, and bedtime when dd was little so her body would relax and she would feel sleepy at the same time daily).  If his bedtime is pretty early already or if after a few weeks he is still taking a long time to fall asleep I think you should try pushing it forward more to see if you are trying to put him down too early.  Having a lot of physical activity during the day can really help a child fall asleep quickly at night so if you can add more I think that is another thing to try.

[lifeguard]

What happens if you close the door or put up a baby gate so if he gets out he is still in his room. We just let ds have free roam of his room & don't stress about whether or not he is actually in the bed. As he gets more tired/settled he ends up in bed.

[plantnerd]

Originally Posted by lifeguard 

What happens if you close the door or put up a baby gate so if he gets out he is still in his room. We just let ds have free roam of his room & don't stress about whether or not he is actually in the bed. As he gets more tired/settled he ends up in bed.

I really like this idea.  If his room is safe, then why not?  He will learn that when you don't sleep at night you are tired and cranky the next day.  Or he will find that he can have a special quiet time with himself playing or reading a book at night when everyone is in bed.  Either way sounds right.