carrying toys around

[tnmom66]

My daughter's Dad is worried because she likes to carry toys around with her.This is his first child and he worries about everything. I have told him it is okay, but he told me today that if she doesn't stop it soon, he wants to get her evaluated by a 'specialist'. He is about to drive me insane. I am looking for articles for him to read that may calm him down. Can anyone help?

[treeoflife3]

Don't most kids like to carry toys around?  My kiddo is only 21 months and I don't know how old yours is, but I remember both my brother and I wanting special toys with us a lot, and a lot of kids always seem to be out and about holding something.  Gives them something to hold and feel safe with as well as something to entertain them no matter where they are, no?

Maybe I'm not understanding the issue/concern?

[EviesMom]

I have a 6.5 year old and a 3 year old, and while the 6.5 doesn't carry stuff around with her any more, we used to call her "our little bag lady" because her favorite way to play with stuff was to stick it into bags within bags within bags and carry them around. The 3 year old still does it some. I would say it peaked at 18mo to 24mo or so. I'm pretty sure it's developmentally normal. Have you seen the threads on stuff kids insisted on bringing to bed?

[SpuglyRoo]

My sister did this ALL the time, there is nothing wrong with her.

[crunchy_mommy]

Ummmm????

Don't all kids do that??

That's really how DS 'plays' most of the time, just carries the toys around, occasionally inspects them etc. but mostly just carries them.

He also wakes up in the middle of the night crying for whatever toy he fell asleep holding. 

It never occurred to be that this could be something abnormal or in need of 'specialist' help???? What exactly does her dad think it would it indicate???

[laohaire]

I don't know if you CAN find an article saying this is normal, since it would be hard to find an article saying blinking is normal, or having hair on your arms, etc., wouldn't it?

My DD carried toys all the time as a toddler. ALL the time.

[tnmom66]

He is always looking for something to worry about. He thinks it means she is a 'hoarder' and he told me to throw away things she seems attached to and to not give her anything new and to tell her brother and sister not to give her anything. I think HE is the one who needs a specialist. Our pediatrician thinks he should do what settles his mind and never seems offended when he wants a second opinion.

[laohaire]

Does he have OCD perhaps? A serious question, not a flip criticism of him. In some manifestations, it can cause people to worry about details like that, and it's hard for them to let go. I would worry that his actions may affect your daughter's development (for example, if he takes her toys away she may naturally become very anxious about keeping her things - which might ironically enough even go down the road of hoarding).

If he can be aware on SOME level that it's him, perhaps he can work with it.

[Marissamom]

Maybe these would help him see that attachment to an object (or several objects, or a succession of objects) is normal and expected behavior? 

http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/attachment-to-blanket.aspx

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/lovey/

http://www.babiestoday.com/articles/toddler-behavior/loving-the-lovey-5590/

maybe he needs a book on childhood development so he has some idea of what is normal? or to spend some time with other kids her age? 

and I agree with the PP that taking a child's toys away, especially if they are attached to them, is going to do more harm than good. and if your ped is indulging his obsesive behavior I would switch peds, because the ped should be saying not to worry, this is normal, it's actually a little weird if a toddler doesn't do this. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Marissamom 

and I agree with the PP that taking a child's toys away, especially if they are attached to them, is going to do more harm than good. and if your ped is indulging his obsesive behavior I would switch peds, because the ped should be saying not to worry, this is normal, it's actually a little weird if a toddler doesn't do this. 

Thinking about this... There have been a couple of items that DS got attached to that made him overly distressed. One was a pair of Halloween glasses. He LOVED those things & always always always wanted to play with them. But at the same time, for some reason, they made him hysterical, he'd cry & freak out, it's like he didn't want them but he had to have them??? I don't know how to explain it. Anyway, anytime something reaches that level in our house (and it's only happened maybe twice) we toss the item. And he's so much happier when we simply say, "Oh we threw them in the trash, remember?" I don't know how unusual that kind of situation is, but is there any way her dad is talking about something along these lines??

[pranava]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Thinking about this... There have been a couple of items that DS got attached to that made him overly distressed. One was a pair of Halloween glasses. He LOVED those things & always always always wanted to play with them. But at the same time, for some reason, they made him hysterical, he'd cry & freak out, it's like he didn't want them but he had to have them??? I don't know how to explain it. Anyway, anytime something reaches that level in our house (and it's only happened maybe twice) we toss the item. And he's so much happier when we simply say, "Oh we threw them in the trash, remember?" I don't know how unusual that kind of situation is, but is there any way her dad is talking about something along these lines??

Yep, my DS has had items like that too.  He loves to carry like things around - all balls one day, then animals, or blocks.  Just carry them around, put them down, pick them back up and carry them somewhere else.  He tucks them under his chin and in his armpits so he can carry more.  There have been a couple of toys that he loves to carry, but really frustrate him for some reason and he goes into a tizzy about them.  We put those up and try again another day. 

Maybe you should have DD's Dad read this thread.  He may not have much experience around toddlers and just not know that they all do this.

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by laohaire 

Does he have OCD perhaps? A serious question, not a flip criticism of him. In some manifestations, it can cause people to worry about details like that, and it's hard for them to let go. I would worry that his actions may affect your daughter's development (for example, if he takes her toys away she may naturally become very anxious about keeping her things - which might ironically enough even go down the road of hoarding).

If he can be aware on SOME level that it's him, perhaps he can work with it.

I agree with this. His behaviour seems very obsessive and not healthy at all.

[cyclamen]

I agree it is a strange thing to be worried about.  DD and most kids I know love to carry toys around.  I encourage it because it seems to help her with transitions between environments.  DP thinks I should make DD a pocket dress so she can put her little animals or her "baby" in the pocket.  I carry her a lot so I think she also sees it normal to be carrying and "nurturing" something, even if the thing is a spiky ball.

I also agree that taking the things away may not be the best idea.  Kids do use transitional objects (I believe that is the technical term) to help themselves acclimate to new environments.

OTOH hand perhaps having her professionally evaluated would help because then an "expert" (besides your ped??) could tell him that she is normal!

[pumpkin]

My DD has a favorite doll that goes with us everywhere. Some days she carries her toy cash register around the house. The other day she went down for nap
Clutching my mascara (I slipped it out of bed once she fell asleep). My DD is acting like every other toddler I have known.

My DH has a few weird obsessions regarding our daughter. He had a really traumatic childhood due to a late identification of a major health problem. Thus he is paranoid about her health. I indulge him to a point. He can take her temperature as much as he wants as long as he uses the temporal artery thermometer because it only takes a second. I will not take her to the er for a sneeze. Its hard for him, but he is working to stay rational. I liked our old ped better because he was good at staying real mellow. We moved and our new ped is more, 'well if the parent has an instinct'.

This really is an issue with the father not the child. I think you need to has a talk about the potential negative consequences of doing things like taking away a favorite toy. If he really wants some kind of eval it may be innocuous. My DH wants us to have DD checked out because she doesnt speak with perfect enunciation. Our new ped is referral happy. I will probably go along with it because I don't see any harm aside from forms for me to fill out.

I guess what I'm saying is that you need to push back here. He is a parent and thus has the right to worry. We all have our pet issues and concerns. Sometimes the other parent needs to point out that some overreacting may be taking place.

[Elismum]

My son has spent the better part of his two year old year carrying around armsful of trucks, trains, cards, books, stuffed animals. When the armloads overspill the arms, he gets bags to carry it all around.  Totally normal. 

[tnmom66]

when she goes to school, we are limiting toys to what will fit into her backpack, plus her water cup she carries around.

Her dad is a little "paranoid", i think, but probably doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria for OCD.

She also likes loading up her shopping cart with her "stuff" and pushing it around the house--hope we don't have a "bag lady" in the making!  ; )

He hasn't said anything about it lately.

[tzs]

my 15 month old has a big dump truck that she wheels around the house and fills with random items that she finds from cupboards, her toys, and who knows where (upstairs she has a kid sized wagon that she does the same thing with). i find the weirdest stuff in there. napkins, an ugly cheese knife set, even a used q-tip! i think it;s cute and was thinking about making a toddler "hoarders" video.

in a similar vein she also always manages to find the same bottle of hair product from a bathroom drawer and carry it around, leaving it anywhere. i can put it away one hundred times and still i always find it out on the floor somewhere. toddlers are weird people!

[Courtney-Ostaff]

Oh, heavens, yes.  Last nightafter dinner my just-turned-3 daughter got two laundry baskets and spend the better part of an hour making a "zoo", which consisted of taking all her stuffed aniimals and other random, reachable objects and stuffing htem in the laundry basket.  Perfectly normal.  In fact, it's great -- teaches spatial orientation, visualization, object consistency, 3D manipulation, pretend play, self-entertainment.....all sorts of healthy.