How to raise healthy eaters and avoid body issues and eating disorders

[KLM99]

I was severly anorexic in high school and just read an article about how eating disorders tend to be passed on.  I've also been recently questioning how we've dealt with candy and sweets so far in my 3.5yo's life.  She didn't eat any sweets until she was about 2 when it became hard to avoid.  If everyone else is having cake at a party, it's hard to tell a 2+yo that she can't have any.  We try to model healthy eating habits at home and cook frequently.  We allow small treats and talk about how our bodies need good things.  She had great eating habits until we introduced the sweets and things have essentially gone downhill since then.  She has also more recently become a candy fiend.  If she asks for a piece, we usually say she can have one if she eats a good dinner, which then results in her wolfing down the dinner we've prepared just so that she can have the piece of candy.  I don't want her to think of sweets as a reward, or to not listen to her body's cues on whether she's full of dinner just so that she can get dessert.  But I also don't want to overly limit sweets either in case it has the opposite effect when she's old enough to make her own choices.

I never ever talk about dieting (I don't actually diet) around her, we don't have a scale, I never mention feeling fat or gaining weight.  None of this is really a conscious choice, but I think are healthy.

How are you raising a child who feels good about his or her body and about their eating choices?  Anyone else have an eating disorder as a child or teen? 

[sapphire_chan]

Ellyn Satter has a number of books on this topic and some other MDC mamas have said they like those books.

http://www.ellynsatter.com/how-to-feed-i-24.html here's a website.

Anyway, if you're worried about your issues causing your kids issues, an outside guideline's going to be a good idea.

[crunchy_mommy]

I was also anorexic as a teen & am terrified I will somehow pass it on to my children.

DS is only 22mos but he hardly eats at all so I feel like already I'm messing up, because I am always trying to subtly encourage him to eat. I also worry that because we are vegan and have some other restrictions (i.e. no artificial colors/flavors), he will grow resentful of all the 'rules' & not being able to fully join in all the treats his friends enjoy -- but at the same time I don't feel comfortable allowing him to eat those kinds of things because I truly feel they are bad for his health & he's obviously not yet old enough to make his own decisions regarding his health!

I try hard not to talk about my own food issues (which are all but resolved, aside from when my doctor told me my stomach was fat a couple weeks ago -- majorly triggering, but I got over it!!) or obsess about weight but DH & I both need to lose a few pounds or at least get in better shape so it seems the subject comes up a lot. So I guess I feel like I'm already failing.

I try to let DS make his own food decisions (within the parameters of the foods we keep in the house, which all meet my 'vegan, nothing artificial or overly processed' etc. requirements) and if he chooses to have a piece of chocolate for his snack, I'm OK with that, though I'm not sure what I'd do if he asked for more than 1-2 tiny squares... He is great about trying a huge variety of foods (his favorites are mushrooms, 85% dark chocolate, avocados, and vegan GF mac & cheese) but horrible about eating substantial quantities. Most days I can't even get him to eat breakfast or lunch (probably because he'd prefer to nurse... as he's doing right now for the 10th time in 3 hours...) and our erratic schedule & his lack of appetite for food means *I* often don't end up having time to eat enough myself. I am trying to tell myself we'll all get back on track once he outgrows this stage but I fear I'm setting him (and future kids) up for a lifetime of eating struggles already. :(

[KLM99]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

I also worry that because we are vegan and have some other restrictions (i.e. no artificial colors/flavors), he will grow resentful of all the 'rules' & not being able to fully join in all the treats his friends enjoy -- but at the same time I don't feel comfortable allowing him to eat those kinds of things because I truly feel they are bad for his health & he's obviously not yet old enough to make his own decisions regarding his health! 

This I struggle with too.  We're vegetarian and also have only natural foods in the house (well mostly).  I had a friend in elementary school whose mother didn't have artificial foods in the house and literally every time she came over to our house (my mom kept all the good stuff), she would literally eat an entire box of fruit roll-ups.  That is what I'd like to avoid :)  How can your child avoid that obsession with what he isn't allowed to have?  We do a good job I think of explaining why certain food is healthy and what isn't, where it comes from, etc.  So I think that's important.  But I'm already worried that we're using treats as a reward a bit (in my eat your dinner and you'll get dessert example). 

I feel like I'm fairly well "cured" of my issues, but I'm sure there is something that comes through that I miss. 

[deditus]

Yep, Ellen Satter is the pro on this. I have 2 friends who are recovering from EDs and their treatment program taught them Ellen Satter's principles as healthy family guidelines.

[treeoflife3]

I have the same worry but the opposite problem.  i'm an emotional eater, overeater.  Honestly, i treat food like a drug.  I crave food all the time.. I think about it most of the day.. I've even lied about what I've ate or if I've eaten and have hidden food to ensure someone else won't eat it or so someone else doesn't know I have it to eat.  I obsess about food that I wasn't able to eat (such as someone eating leftovers first or forgetting leftovers at the restaurant) and it absolutely affects my mood.  I have a hard time concentrating on conversations if someone is eating something I want but I'm all done with my food.  I struggle to say no to food even if I'm absolutely stuffed.  combine all that with a hatred for my obese body from these bad eating habits and an obsession with trying to lose weight and getting completely healthy (orthorexia seems to be where I'm going and i'm struggling to keep things in perspective so as not to trade one eating disorder for another) and its a pretty crappy place to raise a kid.

I got my food issues from my mom, 100%.  There is no doubt.  She also went through an obsessed with being healthy phase which didn't start my issues there but actually made my first issues worse (you can only hear 'oh that isn't healthy at ALL for you! so many times before you want to eat as much of it as possible out of spite when you are an emotional overeater... )

I'm really worried about how my kiddo will turn out.  Currently she is pretty chill about food and I try not to talk about my issues in front of her and try to only have a variety of healthy things in the house so I can be laid back about letting her eat whatever she wants, but my food obsessions do leak over to what SHE is eating.  Its a struggle to keep her age and food needs into perspective and to back off about being so controlling, especially because it will be confusing for her when she is older and I tell her about healthy eating and unhealthy eating and then give into serious cravings for pizza hut and taco bell (I literally have to have no commercials in the home to not start those, and driving is seriously difficult for me... )

I am proud to now at least prefer sprouted multi grain bread over white bread so I can keep her off more processed foods but that hardly helps in the grand scheme of everything.  I know how strong the link is between my mom and I and I'm pretty clueless about how to break that link between me and kiddo... or inadvertently cause a different eating disorder in my attempts to keep her from getting mine.

[cyclamen]

Originally Posted by KLM99 

I never ever talk about dieting (I don't actually diet) around her, we don't have a scale, I never mention feeling fat or gaining weight.  None of this is really a conscious choice, but I think are healthy.

How are you raising a child who feels good about his or her body and about their eating choices?  Anyone else have an eating disorder as a child or teen? 

I've never had disordered eating, and I think it's due to my mom emphasizing a few things.  (Believe me I have a lot of other problems, though, including some stuff that "should have" predisposed me to an eating disorder.  Which is why I believe my mom's attitude was protective.)

1.  Food is functional.  She always talked about how important it was to eat nourishing food in order to maintain health throughout my life.  In her culture, food is like medicine, so if I was sick, the first thing she'd do is make me a big pot of soup with the explanation that the ingredients would help me heal.  And she would talk about how delicious the food was and how strong it would make me.  I think this was the most influential on my thinking about food because I think this way to this day.  "Is this food going to make me strong?"  That's what I think about before anything else.  I literally believe that if something is not good for me, it has an inferior flavor.  Like, twinkies are kind of tasty, but inferior flavor.  Whereas a good bone soup is DELICIOUS.  My boyfriend teases me for saying things like, "I just made the most delicious bolognese sauce.  It has liver in it.  It's going to make you healthy, eat some." 

There's a medicinal food for every occasion, including childbirth and hangovers.

In college she'd call me and say, "Oh are you eating enough?  Make sure you eat well so you can be healthy."  "If you go out drinking, make sure you eat hejangkuk in the morning."  She'd take me out to eat and say, "Oh I wish your brother was here so he could eat this good food.  He loves this rib and turnip soup.  Oh it makes me so sad to think he's missing this delicious meal."

(I should add, since it might be relevant, that my mom cooked the usual american diet interspersed with some korean foods while we lived with my dad but completely reverted to a traditional Korean diet of whole foods, pickled veggies, bean rice, and bone and organ meats and other meat cuts plus no sweets except fruit when we moved out.  Which is a pretty healthy diet, and cheap to boot.  Korean sweets are not sweet at all traditionally, although that's changed.  To her sugar was a seasoning to be applied the way that most americans use spices.  Anyhow, fast food just tastes bad to me, but any traditional whole food of any culture just tastes so good to me.  And yeah we ate mcdonalds now and then as a kid.)

2.  We didn't have sweets in the house for the most part.  If we did have something in the house, she didn't regulate it.  We could eat whatever was in the fridge or cupboard whenever we wanted.... except my dad drank mountain dew, which was off limits to us because she said it wasn't good for children (or, she said, for my dad, but he was a grownup who had to make his own decisions!). 

She'd also get us little "treats" from time to time.  Like, she'd bring home two Andes candies and give one to me and one to my brother.  Or we could have a sweet bean popsicle if we went to the korean store.  She kind of taught, it's fun to eat a little treat, as long as you don't go over board.  She didn't seem to worry that the treats were going displace healthy foods from our diet since there was hardly enough of them to interfere with our hunger.  She occasionally point out stuff like, "If you eat sugar on an empty stomach it will give you a headache."  Or, "If you are really hungry you should eat real food first, then have a treat.  It will be more enjoyable."

3.  She never talked about her weight or mine.  She rarely talked about her body or mine, except to say nice things.  "I'm very strong right now because I do so much yardwork.  My arms are so strong."  "Look, you need to do exercises now and get strong so you can stay strong throughout your life.  I'm strong now because I started young."  "Walking is very healthy to do."  "Oh, look how nice your legs look.  Wow, like a magazine.  Ah, youth.  Now that I'm old, I realize how good the young look."

She did get very ill when I was in highschool, which only reinforced the idea that a person had to take good care of their body in order to be able to enjoy it and get along in life.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by deditus 

Yep, Ellen Satter is the pro on this. I have 2 friends who are recovering from EDs and their treatment program taught them Ellen Satter's principles as healthy family guidelines.

 I am scared, too, of giving DD food worries and body image worries.

But I looked over Ellen Satter's guideline and I must say that even though as an adult I have been at a perfect weight for me for the last 20 years (5'8 and 130 lbs) I pretty much break every rule she has. Me and DD eat when we are hungry - we don't wait for snacktime. We drink stuff that is not water whenever we want to, between meals or whatever. We eat in front of the computer or the TV sometimes. We definitely don't have 3 meals a day (DD would never eat 3 meals anyway) and we graze a lot. DD is in the 45th percentile for weight, 60th for height. She looks perfect. At least for now (she is six).

It feels like if we were to switch to Ellen Satter's guidelines, we'd be giving food way too much focus and importance. Something about those guidelines makes me feel very nervous. I don't like DD's eating habits - if we have sugary stuff in the house, she will eat it and nothing else - so I do want to find a better way. If we have ice cream DD will want it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I find myself getting angry and worried. Are there other ideas out there besides Ellen Satter's that work well?

[cyclamen]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie 

Originally Posted by deditus 

Yep, Ellen Satter is the pro on this. I have 2 friends who are recovering from EDs and their treatment program taught them Ellen Satter's principles as healthy family guidelines.

if we have sugary stuff in the house, she will eat it and nothing else - so I do want to find a better way. If we have ice cream DD will want it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I find myself getting angry and worried. Are there other ideas out there besides Ellen Satter's that work well?

I kind of feel like... we're wired to wanna eat sugary stuff.  Because in nature, sugar tells us, "Safe to eat!  This is safe to eat!  Eat lots!"  But modern sugar is a lie. So why have it in the house except in moderation?  They sell those two cookie packs at the checkstand.  To me that is a reasonable size of cookie packet to spend my money on and bring home.  Or those teeny tiny ice cream containers.  You can enjoy the treat - heck, eat it all in one sitting - but not displace other nourishing foods.  And you don't have to spend time thinking about it - should i eat it?  Oh I want to eat it for breakfast but it' won't be good for me, etc.

I have to say, my mom taught me to eat when I was hungry and I think it's a good idea. 
 

[LynnS6]

These are things I've picked up over the years - some probably come from my reading (Ellen Sattyr's book Feeding with Love and Good Sense), some from reading research studies and some from watching other parents. I like Ellen Sattyr's ideas, but don't feel I have to institute them dogmatically. Like with all parenting stuff I read, I take what I can use.

Don't make/call some foods 'good' and others 'bad'. Food is food. Instead, talk about the types of foods that we need -- we need some foods with protein in it to help us feel full and to help us build muscle/give us energy, fruits and vegetables give us fiber we need plus vitamins that we need, complex carbohydrates give us energy and fiber.... sweet stuff gives us quick energy, which is nice sometimes, but it also doesn't stay with us. Therefore, it's best to have just a little after you've had a meal with protein/veggies/complex carbs. Then you won't feel so tired afterward. But sweets are not inherently bad. Sometimes, they might be just what we need. 

Don't make one food contingent upon another. That's where I think you made your 'mistake', OP. Instead of saying "you can have a sweet if you eat a good meal" say "you can have dessert after we're done with dinner". As she gets older, you can explain that sweets are much easier on your body if you consume them after a meal of protein/complex carbs than if you eat them alone. You don't get the sugar low afterward. The 'rule' in our house is that you can have dessert, but you have to wait until everyone is done eating. This gives them no incentive to rush through their meals (or so they discovered after the first 2-3 times) because mom and dad are going to eat what they eat. (It also gives their dinner time to settle and their brains time to realize that they're full so they eat less of the sweet.)

Let your children feed themselves. My sister did this from the very beginning and I think it's huge. Her kids (and my kids because I watched her example) were self feeding by 8-9 months and didn't really eat 'baby food'. We let them regulate how much they wanted and what they wanted. It's so easy to want to 'finish the bowl' when you're feeding a child, without paying attention to whether or not they're hungry. 

Let your children stop eating when they're full. When they're done, they're done. When they're hungry, they're hungry and let them eat. It's hard to let a child leave the table after eating 3 bites of meat and a carrot, but do it. It's equally hard for me to watch my dd (who has a body type that could be overweight if she stops being active) take a 3rd helping for dinner. But she's growing. Allowing them to regulate their food teaches them to listen to their bodies. My kids are much better at this than I am. As a child, I would always polish off every sweet/cookie. My daughter will eat the frosting off the cake and leave the cake. We went to a cookie party the other day (heaven for kids, right?) and my kids ate relatively few cookies because they didn't like many of them.

Don't police how much they eat (see above). Research shows that parents who police how much their kids eat, especially sweets/treats, have kids who are less able to self-regulate. Those kids will eat treats even if they're not hungry. Kids with parents with more lax rules will nibble on a sweet/treat when they're full, but they'll stop. This really is an area where you want your child to develop self-regulation skills. Trust that your child has the means to listen to his/her body.

Eat meals together. My parents do this for every single meal, and even for most snacks. It makes eating a pleasant, social activity and the food less important. Now my parents are in their 80s and so can do this for every meal. Obviously for many families, it's not possible. But I'd recommend it for SAH parents, and for all parents for one meal a day. One family mealtime is crucial for tons of things -- eating, language development, social development.

If you're going to have sweets in the house, have a routine for them. My parents have a little cookie/sweet after most dinners and sometimes lunch. They're both well within the reasonable range for their weights (my dad is actually bordering on underweight). Since it's part of the mealtime routine, that's the only time they have sweets. You don't find them in the kitchen at odd hours reaching for the cookie jar. Other families I know have other routines. One of my colleagues has sweets on Wednesdays and Saturdays and doesn't worry too much about the amount on those days. In Sweden, it's traditional for kids to be allowed to by candy on Saturdays (Lördaggodis), but then they don't really get sweets the rest of the week.

Finally, I'd say, this might be an area where as a parent, you might benefit from some counseling around food issues. Having an outsider to bounce ideas off of might be really helpful.

[mtiger]

I just followed an "everything in moderation" style of eating. Don't overdo anything. Both of my kids have their preferences and dislikes, but for the most part eat well.

[crunchy_mommy]

Reflecting on this more, I just realized something else... My eating disorder really didn't have anything to do with food. Food was just the medium I used (along with other negative coping mechanisms like self-injury). I don't know if that's true for everyone with an eating disorder or not. But I don't feel MY parents did anything wrong food-wise to encourage my ED behavior. They fed us balanced meals & weren't overly strict -- there were a few rules like 'no snacks just before dinner' (drives me nuts, I was hypoglycemic & feeling sick if the meal was delayed!) & 'everyone eats dinner as a family' (which they took to the extreme at times, requiring me to come home from friends' houses etc. because we had to eat together) but overall they seeemed to follow something similar to Ellyn Satter's principles (though they had certainly never heard of her). No foods were forbidden & we did get junk food regularly. My mom was somewhat overweight but rarely commented on it & my dad went on a years-long health kick to deal with cholesterol issues but all that meant was he ate less cheese & meat and more veggies. I can't really pinpoint anything they did completely 'wrong' food-wise... though I do think other things, maybe my mom's extreme over-protectiveness or my dad's extreme neediness, could have influenced me. I do think how we feed our kids is important and could predispose them to eating issues but I think we need to keep the whole picture in mind, food is only one part & not necessarily the most influential factor!

[crowcaw]

In our family I am hoping that modeling does the trick but I am doubtful that I can have much effect on how what their relationship with food ends up being.  I hear so many anecdotes about how the way people were raised with regard to eating and the effect that it has had but the same methods seem to lead to opposite results with different people.  I could take my family as an example; 4 children, same parent, same eating philosophy, 2 adults that are now obese and suffering other dietary related illnesses and 2 that have maintained a healthy weight. 

I have twin 5 yo dds with extremely different eating styles.  One eats slowly, tastes everything, is interested in unusual flavors, loves strongly flavored things, usually eats 1/2 of any sweet she is given.  The other wolfs food, is in heaven when we eat out (not often) because there is white bread or white rice or plain white pasta, would walk on broken glass for a lollipop.  We kind of follow an Ellen Satter thing -- pick what is available for them to eat they choose how much to eat, dessert not contingent on dinner when we have it -- but except on the rare occassion none of the choices are anything i would consider unhealthy.  And we don't conversationally dwell on food.  We say this tastes really good or such, but don't have "good" and "bad" food discussions.  Maybe that's a mistake, but it hasn't seemed age appropriate yet to put the onus on them to choose healthy foods.  Since they started school they've begun asking if such and such that they're eating is healthy and we usually say that everything we have for them to eat is healthy.  And it really is.  We don't have any processed junk foods or candy in the house, they get very little anything made with white flour, meals are made from whole foods, and dh and I eat the same diet they do.  I do worry about the stories kids who crave the junk and gobble it other people's houses, but if that happens it happens.  I feel like I'm at least giving the best physiological start I can; I think their diet now is not just important in regard to the relationship they develop with food but also their health when they are old. 

And do they have healthy body images or food relationships?  I doubt they think about it.  I do worry a little about my more controlled eater all because of a birthday party where I didn't suggest she limit some foods (when we're at parties or out I let them eat what's there without trying to control it) and she ate a hotdog, boxed mac and cheese, and a big piece of cake that tasted like plastic to me; usually she's more discerning.  A few hours after the party she threw up and I made the mistake of saying "it's probably the bad food you ate".  Being sick really rattled her and now she's very careful about overeating or when out will ask me if things will make her sick and I don't want her to anxious about eating.  The other one I worry will be the junk food gobbler when given the chance.  As she's gets older  I hope I can teach her aobut choices and moderation

[Super~Single~Mama]

I think this thread is overly focused on food - I think the most important thing we can do to prevent eating disorders and self harm type behaviors is to work towards instilling a healthy self esteem in our children.  My family's eating was certainly not healthy by MDC standards, but was by mainstream standards, and the way we ate didn't teach me good or bad eating habits.  My parents did a lot though to make sure that me and my brothers had healthy self esteem, and made sure that we grew up confident in ourselves - which I think had a much more important role in deterring eating disorders and self harm behaviors. 

[crowcaw]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I think this thread is overly focused on food - I think the most important thing we can do to prevent eating disorders and self harm type behaviors is to work towards instilling a healthy self esteem in our children.  My family's eating was certainly not healthy by MDC standards, but was by mainstream standards, and the way we ate didn't teach me good or bad eating habits.  My parents did a lot though to make sure that me and my brothers had healthy self esteem, and made sure that we grew up confident in ourselves - which I think had a much more important role in deterring eating disorders and self harm behaviors. 

I think this is what it's about.

[Smokering]

Cyclamen: Your mother sounds awesome! Yay for traditional soups. :)

I had an eating disorder as a kid... kind of. I think I did. Sometimes I think I'm being over-dramatic. :p But anyway, here's what I got:

-Don't comment in front of one kid on another's weight. I spent my whole childhood hearing how skinny my older sister was (and she was, SCARY skeletal skinny, on Polycose for years, probably some kind of medical condition). Mostly it was strangers who pointed it out, which admittedly my parents couldn't do much about - but what I heard was "She's skinnier than you, you're fat, younger sisters aren't supposed to be fatter than their older sisters, you're a disgrace to the family", etc. That, combined with another older sister who was gorgeous, and got comments all the time from strangers and my parents (in front of us), did one heck of a number on my body image. When I have kids (well, I do, but one's in the womb and hasn't been sighted yet, so I can't compare his looks to DD's!), I plan to tell them both they're pretty from time to time - my parents never did, for me - but otherwise try to de-emphasise their looks. And I never plan to comment to one kid how pretty her brother or sister looks.

-Raise a foodie! Seriously, is it even possible to be a great cook who loves cooking and have an eating disorder? (Probably, I guess. It's a crazy world out there. But still.) I happen to love cooking, and have - now I'm all grown up - a much healthier attitude to food than Mum, who hates it. I think the process helps. It shifts your focus, either from "How can I get as many sweet fatty calories down me as fast as possible?" OR "How can I shave calories off this?" to "How can I make this delicious?". And there are plenty of ways to make delicious food that's healthy - and I believe the more refined the palate, the more we appreciate foods that don't bludgeon you over the head with sweetness. I'm slowly expanding my palate to eat things like olives, explore foods from different cuisines, experiment with bitter flavours (which I hated as a kid), and so on - and a lot of the foods I've discovered along the way have been good for you! I think it's important to make cooking fun as well as baking, for kids - growing up, all I wanted to make were sweet sickly sticky things with 8 layers, but now I appreciate the artistry in a really good gravy or soup or salad.

-Limiting media exposure is probably a good idea too. Even though I'm now a Traditional Foodie, and thus not anti-saturated fat, I come across recipes and articles all the time that casually refer to (usually sugar-laden) recipes as "low-fat and healthy", or diets telling me to get in shape for bikini season. And even though I've never worn a bikini in my life, and firmly believe that a dessert made with cream is healthier than one made with sugar and low-fat cottage cheese, I find myself slipping into the mainstream mindset without thinking. Luckily we don't have a TV and I rarely read magazines anyway, so I'm not hugely exposed to this - but I do remember feeling almost physically tired as a teenager from being bombarded with judgment and advice about my skin, hair, body, abs, thighs, arms... I didn't actually care if my elbows were exfoliated or not, but I felt like I was failing at being a girl for not caring!

-I also recommend kids stay away from skincare products, unless they really need moisturiser for dry skin or whatever. Most of the teenage-aimed stuff especially is just toxic garbage, and a lot of the ingredients have been linked to premature aging! (Toxic Beauty; read it the other day.) I found it just encouraged me to stare fretfully at my face in the mirror. And when I won a tube of cellulite cream, it started me worrying about my cellulite, which had never bothered me before! Stuff like that. Now I wash my face with water, look at myself a lot less often in the mirror, and am much happier as a result. :p

[shnitzel]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I think this thread is overly focused on food - I think the most important thing we can do to prevent eating disorders and self harm type behaviors is to work towards instilling a healthy self esteem in our children.  My family's eating was certainly not healthy by MDC standards, but was by mainstream standards, and the way we ate didn't teach me good or bad eating habits.  My parents did a lot though to make sure that me and my brothers had healthy self esteem, and made sure that we grew up confident in ourselves - which I think had a much more important role in deterring eating disorders and self harm behaviors. 

Self esteem plays a part and there is also a genetic component.

I also had an eating disorder and while I did not have healthy self esteem I think that the reason I self harmed was through food was because I grew up in a house with extremely disordered eating. It had nothing to do with healthy or not healthy food  my family's attitude towards food can be completely frighteningly crazy. It took a year out of the house with my DH who is a completely normal eater for me to finally start to fully heal. Every time I go back to visit, even with a new healthy attitude, it can start to get to me. My sister however grew up in the same family and has a healthy attitude towards food but is very picky. She has a completely different personality so it affects how she relates to the environment we grew up in and different tastebuds which make her sensitive to vegetables. 

A lot of the other girls in treatment came from families with unhealthy eating attitudes, so while it doesn't cause eating disorders it definitely contributes.

DD is only 18 months but I try not to make a big fuss about food, she helps prepare it and can eat whatever is available. If we are somewhere with candy she will get then. As of now she doesn't seem to care all that much about junk food and prefers avocado to cookies, which is definitely a personality thing. 

I don't comment about my weight and I don't diet and wouldn't feel comfortable with DH dieting either. I try to avoid good and bad labels for food but will definitely discuss some foods making your body stronger than others. I always eat with DD and eat the same thing she eats which I think helps make food more normal, I don't like when kids have special kid food and we never did purees. I love Ellen Satter's "Rules for Normal Eating" and try to eat following them. Since things run smoothly here I don't worry about meals and just eat whenever we are hungry or have time.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by shnitzel 

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I think this thread is overly focused on food - I think the most important thing we can do to prevent eating disorders and self harm type behaviors is to work towards instilling a healthy self esteem in our children.  My family's eating was certainly not healthy by MDC standards, but was by mainstream standards, and the way we ate didn't teach me good or bad eating habits.  My parents did a lot though to make sure that me and my brothers had healthy self esteem, and made sure that we grew up confident in ourselves - which I think had a much more important role in deterring eating disorders and self harm behaviors. 

Self esteem plays a part and there is also a genetic component.

I also had an eating disorder and while I did not have healthy self esteem I think that the reason I self harmed was through food was because I grew up in a house with extremely disordered eating. It had nothing to do with healthy or not healthy food  my family's attitude towards food can be completely frighteningly crazy. It took a year out of the house with my DH who is a completely normal eater for me to finally start to fully heal. Every time I go back to visit, even with a new healthy attitude, it can start to get to me. My sister however grew up in the same family and has a healthy attitude towards food but is very picky. She has a completely different personality so it affects how she relates to the environment we grew up in and different tastebuds which make her sensitive to vegetables. 

A lot of the other girls in treatment came from families with unhealthy eating attitudes, so while it doesn't cause eating disordersI

See, I think its environmental, but not genetic.  Of course it would be difficult to have a good relationship with food if your family had extremely disordered eating habits.  And siblings with different personalities experience the same environment differently to some extent.  My family never made anything out of food at all.  We weren't required to eat, we weren't expected to do anything concerning food - it was available and we could eat if we wanted to.  My mom wasn't a short order cook, if we didn't want what was served we could make ourselves something else.

I just think that making an issue out of food is a mistake, I think as parents our focus should be on providing healthy food, but then leaving it at that.  Then focusing more energy on making sure our kids grow up with healthy self esteem and self confidence, since thats what the media images play off of (making us think we should all be super model skinny, have flawless skin, great hair, etc).  I'm really only average looking, but my parents were really great about making me see the good things about myself.  I don't think its wise to make a mountain out of a mole-hill, and treating food like eating too little or too much is an eating disorder waiting to happen isn't smart.  That doesn't mean that parents who have experienced eating disorders should ignore the signs of one - by all means if you think somethings going on address it!  But don't treat food like the problem, from what little I know about ED's food is the way people exert control when they feel they have none anywhere else, or the way food is consumed is a symptom of another, larger problem that needs to be addressed alongside the food issue - without addressing all issues, the ED isn't going to be "cured".

[cyclamen]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Cyclamen: Your mother sounds awesome! Yay for traditional soups. :)

-Limiting media exposure is probably a good idea too. Even though I'm now a Traditional Foodie, and thus not anti-saturated fat, I come across recipes and articles all the time that casually refer to (usually sugar-laden) recipes as "low-fat and healthy", or diets telling me to get in shape for bikini season. And even though I've never worn a bikini in my life, and firmly believe that a dessert made with cream is healthier than one made with sugar and low-fat cottage cheese, I find myself slipping into the mainstream mindset without thinking. Luckily we don't have a TV and I rarely read magazines anyway, so I'm not hugely exposed to this - but I do remember feeling almost physically tired as a teenager from being bombarded with judgment and advice about my skin, hair, body, abs, thighs, arms... I didn't actually care if my elbows were exfoliated or not, but I felt like I was failing at being a girl for not caring!

-I also recommend kids stay away from skincare products, unless they really need moisturiser for dry skin or whatever. Most of the teenage-aimed stuff especially is just toxic garbage, and a lot of the ingredients have been linked to premature aging! (Toxic Beauty; read it the other day.) I found it just encouraged me to stare fretfully at my face in the mirror. And when I won a tube of cellulite cream, it started me worrying about my cellulite, which had never bothered me before! Stuff like that. Now I wash my face with water, look at myself a lot less often in the mirror, and am much happier as a result. :p

Hah, yeah, my mom terrifies me sometimes, but she was surprisingly healthy when it came to food and body image.  I think a traditional approach to food is really awesome because it's not just about the foods you eat, it's kind of a whole attitude.

I also 100% agree about limiting media exposure & participation in "Beauty culture."  Commercial beauty is a movable line designed to sell stuff...not to create healthy self-image.  I also agree about not looking in the mirror too much.  I remember someone I knew having one of those ultra-lit magnifying mirrors designed to make your skin look so bad that you want to buy more makeup.

[cyclamen]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 
See, I think its environmental, but not genetic.  Of course it would be difficult to have a good relationship with food if your family had extremely disordered eating habits.  And siblings with different personalities experience the same environment differently to some extent.  My family never made anything out of food at all.  We weren't required to eat, we weren't expected to do anything concerning food - it was available and we could eat if we wanted to.  My mom wasn't a short order cook, if we didn't want what was served we could make ourselves something else.

I just think that making an issue out of food is a mistake, I think as parents our focus should be on providing healthy food, but then leaving it at that. 

Your family sounds like their use of food was pretty practical.

I'm not sure that anyone here is saying that food itself is the issue.  But it's true that many American families have a disordered relationship with food, so I think it's good to check in and see what "not making an issue out of food" looks like.  At least, that is what I got out of the OP.  If you don't know what "not making an issue out of food" is like because your own parents did make an issue out of it, it helps to hear from others.  I had to really stop and think about what my mom did in terms of food because in she made it invisible and functional, but also part of our family ritual of togetherness and sociability.  Working, cooking, eating, cleaning, all part of the everyday rhythm of life.