Looking for some support

[jeffsdear]

Hi, I've not posted in this section before. But reading through some of your posts has given me the courage to post here. I am struggling with major depression with psychotic features and borderline personality disorder. I have been hospitalized eight times in the last 3 years, most recently a week ago. My therapist "committed" me two weeks ago because he was concerned that I would kill myself. And so he saved my life... I no longer feel suicidal, but am feeling extremely depressed and anxious. My psychiatrist just doubled the second anti-depressant I'm on, and I really hope that will do the trick, because I am so tired of trying to keep it all together. Especially with the holidays coming up, I hate having to pretend for everyone that everything is fine, when I can barely drag myself out of bed each morning! The one thing that has been motivating for me is my kids - I homeschool them, and that has brought me a small ray of joy in this otherwise dark time. But I live in constant fear that protective services will make me leave the family again. Last year, the court took away my parental rights for six months because they said my kids weren't safe around me. Its really hard to have that in the back of my mind as I'm struggling to stay safe and keep choosing life... Its hard to trust the professionals who are there to help when they also have the power to mess up my life...

I'm really hoping that Christmas will go okay. I usually really enjoy the holidays, and I want my kids to enjoy them as well...

thanks for reading...

[applecider]

Hi, I didn't want to read and not respond.  I'm really sorry you're going through all of this...I hope things will get better for you!  Have you looked into supplements as well?  I find that a good dose of vitamin D does wonders.  

[Surfacing]

Just wanted to say I hope things are looking up for you.

[jeffsdear]

Thanks for your concern. Unfortunately, I got to spend Christmas at the hospital again...

[Naturopath Mom]

I wanted to post, even though I do not know entirely what to say to you. My husband has multiple personality disorder, he is actually much better than he use to be. He has come a long way. Flower essences have been a God-send. I am sorry you are goin through this and if I can help you at all, please PM me and I will do all that I can.

(hugs)

[jeffsdear]

Just wanted to let you guys know that I've been feeling alot better. While in the hospital, the psychiatrist there encouraged me to look into getting some support for PTSD, and it turns out my current therapist is trained to deal with that. So, while that scares me to no end, I think it may be a good option...

[bellytobelly]

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling better.  I am manic-depressive and when I read your post, I just had to reach out and let you know that another mama is sending you hugs and wishing for your healing and peace.  I've also dealt with severe PTSD, and my therapist did EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing--you can read about it at emdr.com) with me.  In just two sessions in her office I became a new person.  I know how crazy that sounds, believe me!  When she told me to expect immediate results, I thought she was nuts...until I experienced it for myself.  I know every woman has her own road to healing, but for many EMDR makes the journey much shorter, and less painful.  I don't mean to sound preachy...it's just that it made such an impact on my life, I'd feel bad if I didn't share it with someone else that could benefit!  Whatever path your healing takes you down, I pray that you find peace.

Big hugs!

Lucky wife of Elliott, Blessed Mama to DD 12/03 (drug-free birth, BF, cloth diapes, No Vac's, co-slept) and DS 12/08 (water-birth, BF, cloth dipes, No Vac's or Circ, co-sleep)