Fluff Question: Would you get this for Christmas?

[widemouthedfrog]

While I didn't want 5-year-old dd watching Disney Princess movies, my inlaws had her at their place the other day and got out Snow White. Dh was showing her old Donald Duck movies and I guess they thought it was all right.

Then dh and dd were in a store and of course she saw the Disney My First Princess Snow White. She loves dolls and is getting two very nice ones for Christmas, one from Santa and one from my inlaws. She desperately wants this Snow White and begged me all day yesterday. She gets an allowance and has enough to buy it.

What do I do? I see 3 choices.

1. Buy the doll for her for Christmas and get the best mom of the year award. However, I hate buying cheap plastic toys, dislike Disney princesses, and prefer not to support either of those by buying them new.

2. We are going away for 3 weeks. Let her save her money and see if she remembers the toy when she gets back (she likely will). Get it used on Ebay with her allowance. Teaches her to wait instead of immediately buying something that she wants. She feels that I should just let her buy it now with her allowance.

3. Let her go to the mall and buy it with her saved allowance. My theory is that her allowance is her discretionary money and although I would like her to make "good" choices with it, I also want her to have the ability to exercise judgment.

ETA: I did show her a couple of dolls on Etsy that are Snow White, but she likes the soft one and those are wood. Maybe I will see if there are patterns and ask grandma to knit her one.....

Thoughts?

Edited by widemouthedfrog - 12/22/10 at 3:48pm

[appalachiamama]

Wow.  That's hard.  For me, I wouldn't get it.  At. all.  But I'm really anti most Disney things.  I can't even stand to watch Donald Duck.  Too violent.  Looking at the doll, I think there are better ones out there.  Maybe the enthusiasm will blow over after Christmas?

[churndash]

The doll in the link looks just like a regular baby doll to me. And of course, Snow White wasn't invented by Disney; it's a classic fairy tale with hundreds of interpretations including Disney's.

So for me it would be "my daughter wants a baby doll inspired by a classic fairy tale." But I don't have your same objections to plastic or to Disney, so I'm sure it's easier for me to use that rationale.

I wouldn't necessarily get it for Christmas, because it sounds like you've already done your holiday shopping.  I would go for a combination of 2 and 3. If she still wants it after the holiday and she is willing to spend $30 on it, then I would let her buy it.

[weliveintheforest]

I think 2.  I wouldn't get it for her myself, and would ask her to wait until after Christmas.

[One_Girl]

I would get it for Christmas and get the mama of the year award.  I don't have a problem with Disney or plastic dolls though and I do most of my shopping last minute. 

[zebra15]

Oh heck its the holidays, let her spend some of her money and spend some of your money and get the dang doll LOL... go 1/2 and 1/2 with her.  I cant tell you how many monster trucks and nascars I've bought my DS over the years, either right before or after the holidays, his bday etc.

Split the cost and get the doll!

[ellairiesmom]

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I would get it for Christmas and get the mama of the year award.  I don't have a problem with Disney or plastic dolls though and I do most of my shopping last minute. 

yup.  same here.  no problem with disney big enough to prevent me from getting something like a doll that she wants.  i have said no to some of their other plastic crap of course.  but i don't rule out entire "themes" since i learned it only makes it more appealing to my DD.  she's got that personality where if i rule it out, she'll say it's the only thing she loves.  if i'm indifferent or even slightly supportive, she broadens her horizons a little.  

[The4OfUs]

Oof, I think it's ugly, but I'd let her buy it with her own money.  I wouldn't try to have someone make one for her, there's something about seeing something you want and buying it with "your own money" that's special to a kid, instead of a parent tweaking the idea until it's not what you originally set out to get.  Not that I have any problem with handmade stuff, because I LOVE it - I've just come to realize with my own kids that half the specialness is the ability for it to be what *they* picked out instead of what *I* want for them, most especially as they get older (and I think 5 is old enough to get the doll she selected herself).   IMO part of parenting is accepting that your own ideas and values may not necessarily be the ones your kids have, and you have to let them be their own person - and while I don't think this means abandoning your core values or beliefs, sometimes it means letting hideous plastic baby dolls into your daughter's room.  

[4Marmalade]

I would let her buy it with her own money.  Maybe after Christmas so that she sees what new gifts she gets and see if she still wants it.  My older dc's get an allowance and have been pretty good about saving up their "spending" money to buy things.  Ds1 tends to find things he wants and can save more (he saved up $100 to buy himself an adult size wheelbarrow when he was 6 years old).  Dd1 doesn't tend to ask for too many things so she tends to save it up just by not spending it.  She would probably gladly give it away if I asked  .  It's sometimes hard to see them buy things I wouldn't buy them but that's all part of the process I think. 

[abcdefg]

It just looks like a baby doll to me. I'd probably encourage her to wait until after Christmas because she might not feel like she needs it anymore after she has received new presents. Then, I'd take her to a boutique toy store to show her what a pretty baby doll is like (like Lee Middleton or something). I'd count out her money with her to show how much of it will be used for the doll and how much will be left. Then, if she still wants it, I'd let her buy it, but at least then she has made a more informed decision. Then, you can help her make new clothes for it. :-)

[K1329]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

  IMO part of parenting is accepting that your own ideas and values may not necessarily be the ones your kids have, and you have to let them be their own person - and while I don't think this means abandoning your core values or beliefs, sometimes it means letting hideous plastic baby dolls into your daughter's room.  

I totally agree with this and have accepted that my dcs choices and preferences may not always mirror my own. Dd went through the "disney princess" phase - I didn't encourage it, but, didn't discourage it, either. (Even though personally I don't care for disney products and even don't like the theme parks ). Now, at age 7, the princesses are no longer even on her radar. She's moved on to new interests. The princesses are everywhere - stores, tv, etc. - and most little girls seem to enjoy them for awhile, then it's over. There was one hilarious Halloween where dd showed up to her school in an adorable witch costume she had picked out. 12 of the other 14 girls were disney princesses for Halloween. Too funny! BTW, 90% of the boys were power rangers...

I'd let her get the doll for Christmas.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by K1329 

There was one hilarious Halloween where dd showed up to her school in an adorable witch costume she had picked out. 12 of the other 14 girls were disney princesses for Halloween. Too funny!  

My 4-1/2 yo daughter was Yoda this year for Halloween. lol.  

[widemouthedfrog]

Yeah, I think that you stated my thoughts better than I stated them. I place a high value on having her define her own wants, needs, and values.

She has plenty of hideous plastic dolls, but most are from garage sales (and many are truly, truly hideous) - it's the new plastic I dislike the most because new resources had to be made and poor labor practices are sometimes involved in the making of the toys....

We'll see if it's still there on Boxing Day.
 

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

Oof, I think it's ugly, but I'd let her buy it with her own money.  I wouldn't try to have someone make one for her, there's something about seeing something you want and buying it with "your own money" that's special to a kid, instead of a parent tweaking the idea until it's not what you originally set out to get.  Not that I have any problem with handmade stuff, because I LOVE it - I've just come to realize with my own kids that half the specialness is the ability for it to be what *they* picked out instead of what *I* want for them, most especially as they get older (and I think 5 is old enough to get the doll she selected herself).   IMO part of parenting is accepting that your own ideas and values may not necessarily be the ones your kids have, and you have to let them be their own person - and while I don't think this means abandoning your core values or beliefs, sometimes it means letting hideous plastic baby dolls into your daughter's room.  

[ecoteat]

That doll would not find its way into my house. I think it's creepy and my dd already has so many dolls (some ugly plastic, some Waldorf dolls I made, and a few steps in between). We haven't gotten into allowance yet, and I think there is definitely importance to a kid spending their own money on their own choices, but honestly I'd be trying to redirect that one. I don't think preventing an ugly doll that comes from an advertising monster that over-sexualizes girls from entering my home is going to stifle dd's development into her own person.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by ecoteat 

 I don't think preventing an ugly doll that comes from an advertising monster that over-sexualizes girls from entering my home is going to stifle dd's development into her own person.

On the other hand, I don't think a 5 yo needs to necessrily learn about the weight of that advertising monster at that age...I guess sometimes I feel like we bring so much of our own adult insight and judgement into something that for a child it purely based on aesthetics, and by weighing that down with all that importance of issues, we're kind of taking something from the kids.

This is NOT to say that I don't think we should ever have Important Conversations with kids or let them know about advertising or marketing or cheap crappy toys, but it's just so weighty, the above, for a 5 yo to have to carry that around about a doll she just likes and wants to have...and if you *don't* give that explanation because it's too adult, then what is the explanation?  Then that gets back to letting them have their own choices and decisions. 

I dunno - I've been thinking a lot about how much info is too much info for little kids...that fine line between informing/empowering and burdening.  It depends on the individual child for sure, but there is a point where kids should just be left to be kids, you know?

[meemee]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs 

Originally Posted by ecoteat 

 I don't think preventing an ugly doll that comes from an advertising monster that over-sexualizes girls from entering my home is going to stifle dd's development into her own person.

On the other hand, I don't think a 5 yo needs to necessrily learn about the weight of that advertising monster at that age...I guess sometimes I feel like we bring so much of our own adult insight and judgement into something that for a child it purely based on aesthetics, and by weighing that down with all that importance of issues, we're kind of taking something from the kids.

This is NOT to say that I don't think we should ever have Important Conversations with kids or let them know about advertising or marketing or cheap crappy toys, but it's just so weighty, the above, for a 5 yo to have to carry that around about a doll she just likes and wants to have...and if you *don't* give that explanation because it's too adult, then what is the explanation?  Then that gets back to letting them have their own choices and decisions. 

I dunno - I've been thinking a lot about how much info is too much info for little kids...that fine line between informing/empowering and burdening.  It depends on the individual child for sure, but there is a point where kids should just be left to be kids, you know?

ah mama i totally agree. i did the same with my 5 year old. but did have the Conversation when i felt the time was right. at 8 i no longer have to worry about it because she understands the philosophy and so much more and not just with this and plastics, but she is sooo much more aware and herslef makes the decision. 

for her a lot of the learning came from realising that its not all that great as she thought it was. plus with her the clothes immediately came off. so that's half the attraction of hte doll gone.  

[widemouthedfrog]

So, I didn't get her the doll for Christmas. We went to Grandma and Granddad's house and after getting many toys, her urgency to have something else abated a fair bit. I asked her if she would like it if Grandma made her a stuffed Snow White (dd wants a soft one) and she was very enthusiastic. Grandma is an awesome knitter and can make one with clothes that go on and off.

Dd does have too many dolls (she got 2 more for Christmas, both lovely and fair trade/secondhand). Occasionally we give away unused ones, but to be honest most are well-used. She plays constantly with her dolls.

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone!

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by One_Girl 

I would get it for Christmas and get the mama of the year award.  I don't have a problem with Disney or plastic dolls though and I do most of my shopping last minute. 

LOL.. That's pretty much me too.  I think the doll is very cute!  I like plastic dolls, and I think it's cute and colorful.  I also am the one buying things two days before christmas.  I really need to learn to get some of my shopping done earlier.