How do you determine if the job is worth it?

[waluso]

I'm really torn about my career at the moment. I have been practising as an attorney for over 10 years and my career has always been the focus on my life until I had my daughter 2.5 years ago. I went back to work full-time (as in-house counsel at a large company) after maternity leave and the first year or so was fine.  My job wasn't too busy, I worked at home a lot, and I have a nanny so I could see my daughter during the day.  But the past year has been extremely hectic, and for the past 6 months I have been traveling probably 50% of the time (mostly international) and working non-stop when I am home.  It is having a definite impact on my daughter.  When I leave she is not as energetic, throws tantrums, and apparently just isn't as happy (according to DH and the nanny). DH works at home and spends a lot of time with DD which is very helpful, but I feel like I am missing out on her childhood.  I don't know what to do. I make a very good salary and I really enjoy the work, but I just don't think it is worth it. I'm not sure going to another company or back to a large law firm would be much better. If I take a lower paying job, I would likely have to move to a cheaper area of the country, not have a nanny, and not be able to pay for education/classes that I want for DD. Sometimes I just want to live on a farm out in the country, raise my own food, and homeschool DD.  On the other hand, I think I would go crazy doing that. So much of my self-identify is caught up in my job that I think I would be lost without it. I know that is sad. I guess I feel like I need a big change but I don't think I have the guts to do it.  Or maybe I just need to vent.  Anyone else BTDT?

[KLM99]

I'm a full-time working mom of two (3yo and 1yo) and I totally struggle with the same issues and have since the first was born.  I make a good salary (the same amount as my husband) and I have a Master's degree, and if I stay with my current job there are great advancement opportunities and the opportunity will definitely be available to live in another country, which I'm dying to know.  I know that on one hand, if I keep working, we'll have plenty of money (we're definitely not rich, especially in my high cost-of-living area, but we will have enough) and my kids will be able to travel and do activities and whatever else and we won't have to worry about it.  But on the other hand, if I stopped, my kids would have their mom all the time and we'd still be doing fine in terms of money.  It's nice to have the choice, obviously, but it's still a daily struggle. 

I think what has kept me working so far is that I have a great support network - I have my parents and my husband's parents who have helped me in major ways.  I've also worked my butt off to make sure that my kids are getting the right care during the day.  I mean the right care for THEM, which has changed over time.  When they were babies, they stayed with my mom, now we have an awesome au pair who is like another mom to them.  And I make sure that I spend most of my free time having quality time with the kids.  Also, I wonder if staying at home (for me anyway) would be a great short-term solution, but that continuing to work is a great long-term solution for my family.  It's hard to see long-term when I'm so exhausted from trying to be everything, but it helps me through.  I also know moms who stayed at home and then their husband died or lost his job or left the family for whatever reason and they really really struggle to get back into the work force.  That's also a consideration - what's your support network look like if something did happen to your husband?

I think it's somewhat of a grass is always greener thing - I think how nice if I could just be with my kids all the time, I'd be so relaxed, etc, etc.  But obviously staying at home would not be a walk in the park either :) 

It's really such a personal decision and it's one I have to remake on a week-by-week basis :)  Your work schedule sounds grueling and traveling so frequently must be exhausting and horrible for you and for your daughter to be apart for so long.  Obviously I don't know how your job works, but it seems like if anything you could try to find one with fewer hours or let them know you can't travel or something.  Small steps rather than working so hard you burn out and just quit all of a sudden.

Good luck and keep us posted.  There really is no good easy solution :(

[KLM99]

Originally Posted by waluso 

I'm really torn about my career at the moment. I have been practising as an attorney for over 10 years and my career has always been the focus on my life until I had my daughter 2.5 years ago. I went back to work full-time (as in-house counsel at a large company) after maternity leave and the first year or so was fine.  My job wasn't too busy, I worked at home a lot, and I have a nanny so I could see my daughter during the day.  But the past year has been extremely hectic, and for the past 6 months I have been traveling probably 50% of the time (mostly international) and working non-stop when I am home.  It is having a definite impact on my daughter.  When I leave she is not as energetic, throws tantrums, and apparently just isn't as happy (according to DH and the nanny). DH works at home and spends a lot of time with DD which is very helpful, but I feel like I am missing out on her childhood.  I don't know what to do. I make a very good salary and I really enjoy the work, but I just don't think it is worth it. I'm not sure going to another company or back to a large law firm would be much better. If I take a lower paying job, I would likely have to move to a cheaper area of the country, not have a nanny, and not be able to pay for education/classes that I want for DD. Sometimes I just want to live on a farm out in the country, raise my own food, and homeschool DD.  On the other hand, I think I would go crazy doing that. So much of my self-identify is caught up in my job that I think I would be lost without it. I know that is sad. I guess I feel like I need a big change but I don't think I have the guts to do it.  Or maybe I just need to vent.  Anyone else BTDT?