Here's a brief background...Ex and I split when DD was only 1yo. We live pretty close to each other (about a 10 min drive). At first DD would spend a few hours at his house here and there because I was still BF. When DD turned 2 she began spending overnights. I have always been fine with her going to his house. He is a good dad, I like his girlfriend and his house is fine too. Lately (about the last 3 months or so) I've been really missing her while she's gone, like to the point where I am crying. Right now the current situation (DD is 3) is that she goes to his house Sun at noon- Mon @6pm. Then Wed morning until Thurs at 4pm. Over the last few months he has started constantly arguing that he should have her 50/50. I wouldn't mind giving him her for more nights, but he works until 9pm Monday to Friday and that means that his girlfriend is the one putting her to sleep. Although I like R, I would really rather be putting DD to sleep myself. Ex does not seem to get this.
DD has been complaining about going to ex's house for the last month or so, but won't give me any specific reasons. She always brings it up on the way to his house, and I tell her that her daddy and R love her and she's going to have so much fun and try to hype it up. The first time she did this, she was insistent that she did not want to go to the point where when we got to his house I had to stay for an hour just to get her to stop crying. I don't really know what to do because I already feel like our week is so split up, and there's so much travel for DD. I am considering a schedule where they take her for 48 hours, then we take her for 48 hours etc.
So I'm looking for any advice about the following issues:
Do you think it's better for a child to have a main home at 3.5 yo and then visit the other parent, or does 50/50 work?
What can I do to cope when she's away?
Should I be worried about her reluctance to go to daddy's?