Any single moms who decided to go to university?

[MittensKittens]

Hi mamas, 

I am seriously thinking of getting a Master's degree, starting next year. I have two kids, am single, and would have to move to a new city. Of course, I am trying to work out the logistics, but some encouraging words or shared experiences would be welcome. How do you make it work? Do you spend much time actually at university? Do you think that is avoidable? I'd love to hear from you!

Olivia

[Ceinwen]

I did, I got my BScN as a single mom. Don't underestimate the amount of time school takes, but it's totally doable and definitely worth it!

[Mommy Piadosa]

I got my BA and credential while single. My parents watched my children one night a week, when I attended classes one night a week for 4 years. I spent so many weekends and late nights studying. I was also working, so I felt like I missed their childhood, but I had to pay the bills.

[meemee]

i would post this in hte working and student parents forum.

you'd be surprised at the responses you get. 

you have to choose the right school. the family friendly program. which means a lot of research of the schools you have access too. 

i am lucky that i live close to a family friendly one. but if they dont accept me - i am done. i cant move since dd's dad lives in this area and she will lose one parent if we move. dont wanna do that. 

check out the proffs. and then email the grad students that are working under them.

it could be a nightmare or a really good deal (i have seen both kinds of posts on this board). 

a lot of education is politics. a lot depends on what you want to do further. ph d? research? for me its kinda easy because research and ph d are high on my list. lots of factors for you to check out. 

time at school. here's where family friendly comes in. yeah there are lots of things you might need to be present at that's in the evening. all these opportunities which will be tough if you have young kids. but if your kids are older than 5 then it might be a little bit easier. do you plan to teach to pay your way?

i look at grad school as full time work + some. all my proffs have young kids so i am not really worried about it. and yes i will also be moving to a new city half away from where i am now. the lack of support doesnt bother me since i dont have any right now. 

you might want to look into full time or part time school. 

[LorenaAZ]

I'm a full-time student getting a biology degree.  It's totally doable for me and my little one.  We live in a very small city with no family around.  Just my ex.  I'm done with classes before 3pm.  I am spending less time away from her than if I was working full-time.  I have taken her to some lectures when her daycare had days off, and yes, it can be a challenge getting homework done....but I feel like it's totally doable.  You just have to manage your time.  I haven't felt like I missed out on my little's growth; we are still nursing at 23 months and are well connected.

[lifescholar]

I started nursing school when ODS was 13 months old.  It was hard at times, but I was lucky enough to have my mom for a lot of support, which made a huge difference, I'm sure.

I didn't do as well in school as I could have if I hadn't been a mom, but I was confident in where my priorities lay.  I did enough to get through school, and still spent lots of quality time with my son.

It was a long 4 years, but now I have a good career that will make our lives better.  Now, I also have another son, so having a good job is even more important.  In the end, it was totally worth it.

[Momsteader]

I did it while single with a toddler and eventually a newborn. Graduated when they were 3.5 and 4 mos. I did a lot of childcare swap. I found another single mama--here on MDC even--that was going to the same school. We swapped childcare at my house. It did involved three days a week meeting in the parking lot when we had only 10 mins between a class and switching the kids right there in the lot!  But, it worked out in the end. One year, we had a third mama involved as well. Takes a village!  It will be hard, but I found that going to school was easier than working outside the home full-time with kids (did that for a bit too!).

[la mamita]

I finished my undergraduate degree and got an MSW. My grades were impeccable and I ended up being more productive than my fellow students without kids because having that responsibility forced me to not procrastinate and become an expert in time management.

Is your program a professional one or an academic one? That can make a big difference as far as what your on-campus obligations will be. I didn't spend much time in class but I did have a 2 full day per week internship.

Daycare was pretty easy to find, plus I did some babysitting swaps with a friend. Remember to add in childcare for your studying time, not just the time you will be in class. I felt like it was a great way to be at home with my son for a lot of the time while still advancing with my career. Once I start working full-time, I'm going to be out of the house and busy for a LOT longer than I was at school.

[punkrockmomma]

My DD's dad and I just broke up, so I will be a single, full-time student this spring semester. My ex is very involved in DD's life, so I'll be able to depend on him to help me out when I have a lot of homework (we also have 50/50 custody so that will give me time without DD so that I can work and do my home work). Right now I'm planning on living financial aid, child support, working and tutoring at school (which will be 20 hours a week), food stamps, and childcare assistance. My grades are impeccable, and I don't want them to suffer my getting a 2nd job, because I plan I going to grad school for my PhD as soon as I'm done with my undergrad and the PhD programs I'm going to be trying to to get into are very hard to get into. So, I'm willing to live frugally the next 7 to 10 years, so that I can accomplish my goal, because I'm very passionate about what I'm going to school for, and ultimately achieving my goal of getting my PhD. 

In addition to all of this, a very good friend of mine and I (who's a full-time student and goes to the same school that I go to), will be moving in together, hopefully, at the beginning of March. This way I'll be able to save money on rent and utilities, and we'll have a built in support system for each other (we're both going through breakups and don't want to live alone. I'll also want to second the importance of finding a school that's supportive of your situation (if you can, I know when it comes to grads schools this can be hard to find). I currently go to a small all women's school that is very single mother friendly, and I honestly wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing without the WONDERFUL support of my instructors, academic advisers, and fellow classmates. I've found other women who are my age, with kids who have the same goals that I have, who are doing it, and this has been a tremendous help. I'm actually staying with one of my instructors for a couple of months while I wait to get my financial aid disbursement, that's how supportive of an environment my school is. 

Good luck, just know that it can, and has been done.

[meemee]

i also wanted to point out there is a difference in demands on the student as a undergrad and as a grad student. its easier as an undergrad student with no help and little kids. on grad levels it gets really tough as you are requested to attend a lot of outside events. i have to do this even before grad school as i wait to get in. its not a demand on you. because my dd is 8 i can do it. i dont know about other grad programs but in mine you have to attend other things apart from just lectures. or you are not looked at as a conscientous student. sad but true. 

which is why its always good to figure out how family friendly your grad program is. 

[la mamita]

Originally Posted by meemee 

i also wanted to point out there is a difference in demands on the student as a undergrad and as a grad student. its easier as an undergrad student with no help and little kids. on grad levels it gets really tough as you are requested to attend a lot of outside events. i have to do this even before grad school as i wait to get in. its not a demand on you. because my dd is 8 i can do it. i dont know about other grad programs but in mine you have to attend other things apart from just lectures. or you are not looked at as a conscientous student. sad but true. 

which is why its always good to figure out how family friendly your grad program is. 

this is different in academic vs professional grad programs. lots and lots of professional grad programs (law, business, social work, etc) have lots of non-traditional students, students with families, students with outside jobs, etc. academic grad programs are a whole nother ball game--trying to get published, keeping your committee happy, getting teaching experience, etc etc. lots more out of class commitments.

[Zangua]

I was mid way through my PhD when DD was born. I am still working on it, slowly but surely.

I have another year to go. I write and do all of my work at night when she is sleeping. It's a juggling act, but doable.

In the long run, your children AND you will benefit from you going to school!

[Halfasianmomma]

I just started a graduate diploma in November that can be completed completely through distance. So far, I'm finding it difficult to carve out study time because DD still wants me to lie down with her at bedtime. I'm working on changing that so that I can take back an hour or so every evening. I am also ridiculously lucky to have a job that, though boring, gives me at least 1 hour (sometimes way more) of free time to read and write.

I have to admit that I am struggling with the "graduate" component of my studies. I did my undergraduate studies almost a decade ago, while single, childless and as a full-time student. I had plenty of time and energy to devote to keeping my GPA very high. Also, at that level, the courses required only that we acquire the content and regurgitate it back in essay or exam form. I'm finding the graduate level far different. I have had lengthy discussions about this with my professor, and he straight out told me to let go of grades. He reminded me that I need to focus on getting what *i* want out of the program, instead of worrying about getting A's. Since many of the courses are open-content, they require self-direction, self-discipline and research. That aspect is a bit unsettling for me...but I'm learning to compose with it.

Finally, I just find that I'm constantly tired. Having a full-time job and a tantrumy 2 year old kind of saps my energy a bit...so I need to just buck up and deal with it :)

[meemee]

aaaaaaaah HAMama - you are sooooo lucky. that is so wonderful of your proff. my friend is doing hers in public health (yup la mamita - NOT professional college - but a professional course thru a regular univ) and she has the exact opposite reaction. she constantly gets warnings from her proff to keep up her grades - which means keep up with reading. yeah an ENORMOUS amount to read. let alone all the other things. dont know if its a sexist thing though. my male friends working full time and pursuing ph d's parttime never faced the same attitude from their proffs. 

yeah i dont know about the night ham. by the time dd goes to bed i am ready to hit the sack too - as i am exhausted by the end of the day. i get up between 5 and 6 and its go go go till 10 - 11 pm. and THEN i HAVE TO HAVE an hour to unwind before i can get some sleep. some me time. i am constantly tired too. and then comes teh breaks. and suddenly its go go go to reeeeeeeeeellllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax time and it KILLS me. the contrast is tooo great. to go from no down time to LOTS of down time puts me in depression sometimes. both during summer AND winter break. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by la mamita 

Originally Posted by meemee 

i also wanted to point out there is a difference in demands on the student as a undergrad and as a grad student. its easier as an undergrad student with no help and little kids. on grad levels it gets really tough as you are requested to attend a lot of outside events. i have to do this even before grad school as i wait to get in. its not a demand on you. because my dd is 8 i can do it. i dont know about other grad programs but in mine you have to attend other things apart from just lectures. or you are not looked at as a conscientous student. sad but true. 

which is why its always good to figure out how family friendly your grad program is. 

this is different in academic vs professional grad programs. lots and lots of professional grad programs (law, business, social work, etc) have lots of non-traditional students, students with families, students with outside jobs, etc. academic grad programs are a whole nother ball game--trying to get published, keeping your committee happy, getting teaching experience, etc etc. lots more out of class commitments.

In law school you are expected to attend outside events as well.  Law students and business students have to do tons of networking to get jobs, and all sorts of things.

That said, my law school did have lots of non-traditional students, but I was one of the only single parents (I think there were 2 in my class - both mom's).  And I did it, I finished.  ANd now I'm studying for the bar.  Gross.

[josybear]

i'm in school, near done my bsw and going for my mpa. it's hard, with the studying and the kids and hoping they don't get sick at exam time and the weeks where ten projects are due all at once (or so it feels) but i figure it's better barely scraping by as i move forward, instead of barely scraping by at a minimum wage job, getting nowhere, right? no matter what i'll be working hard, at least this way i'll have something to show for it in a few years.

i have full time daycare for my kids, and although i'm not on campus much (just during classes, mostly) i spend a LOT of time sitting at home doing assignments and readings. i did one semester without daycare, trying to study at night and sleep during the day while they trashed my house, but that was a nightmare. since i got full time daycare i've been getting almost all a's and feel much better about things. 8 hours of kid-free time a day isn't a luxury, it's a necessity, even if i'm at home by myself all day.

moving means no support network, right? i have basically no support network outside of school and when i get my master's i'll have to start all over networking with other single mamas for support and community, but i'm managing. it's a lot harder than i think it would be with people around me, but it's not impossible. anyways, i say go for it.