Winter Unitarian Universalist Thread - All Welcome - Page 2

[Adele_Mommy]

back, artgoddess!

It's great to see you here again!  

My church was growing so fast for awhile and then a couple years ago we still got lots of new members, but we lost enough old members that we didn't really grow at all.  Now we are still just kind of maintaining in terms of membership I believe.  I don't know if this is because things just go in cycles or we got complacent or if we are just experiencing a different type of growth now.  That's a shame that your church seems to be losing families.  I am totally with you about a big part of going to church being for my daughter.  Luckily my church does have a really strong and vibrant RE program right now.

I don't know if it is "70s" or not, but my church did something similar a couple years ago to define our vision of what we wanted to be.  One thing that either came out of that or came about shortly after was we divided our RE staff so we have a Director of Religious Education for Children and Youth and a separate person in charge of adult RE.  We had grown enough so we were large enough to support this.  I think this was helpful for us because our church had kind of "contingents" - the "old guard" who have been members of the church for years and years and are very tied to a humanist and intellectual discussion and grown-up view of a spiritual community, and the faster growing family contingent.  A much larger proportion of our new members have been families with young children.  With the separation of RE responsibilities both groups feel like they are represented.

Our DRE for children works really hard and she is incredibly dedicated.  Just last month I received a letter that we now have more than 160 children and youth registered for RE!  We are now going to try to hire an RE assistant to support the increased size of our RE program.

Regarding Sunday school, we have our staples that we return to time and again:  OWL for the young teens and pre-teens, Free to Believe for first and second graders, Neighboring Faiths for 5th and 6th graders.  We also try a couple new things each year.  And we have our new Coming of Age program which we did for the first time last year.  We have an RE council that works with the DRE to make decisions about curriculum.  We have done several Tapestries of Faith courses, but frankly, I am not very impressed with this curriculum.  My daughter prefers some of the multi-age classes she has taken such as You the Creator last year and SUUper Plays this year.  Honestly, I am not that involved with the RE side of things at my church, as important as it is to me.  I contribute in other ways better suited to my skills and personality.  I am just endlessly grateful that there are such talented and dedicated people at my church who are skilled in that area and that my daughter can reap the benefits.

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by Aeress 

Hi All,

 I started a blog about being UU and a homeschooler.

It is just a beginning, but i thought it might be helpful to some.

http://uuhomeschooling.blogspot.com/

I will eventually write about raising kids UU as part of homeschooling curriculum, we are also nature oriented (well Pagan really but I don't always use the Pagan description on public things).

Hi Aeress!  Thanks for sharing the link to your blog.  It looks like it will be a really interesting and useful resource for homeschoolers.  I get the impression homeschool resources that include a spiritual component, but that are not fundamentalist Christian, are pretty hard to find.  Is it OK if I share your link with the members of my church who homeschool?

Adele

[revolting]

My daughter love the RE program, but after the change in leadership, the church lost almost half of its members. We are down to only two children's religious education classes: spirit play for children 3 year old to third grade, and UU Explorers (I'm not sure the age range on it). My daughter loves the religious education program, but I do hope that it gets stronger as she ages. I worry that when she's 8, the class will be less at where she's at, considering they have to cater all the way down to preschoolers.

[shanniesue2]

My church is very large (somewhere around 1800 members), so it supports a very large and active RE program.   Our program ranges from infant through adults (with separate directors for infant/toddlers, children, and adult).  The programming is based on stages of faith development.  So infants/toddlers focus is on meeting the children's needs... nurseries are staffed by paid and trained workers.  Once children turn preschool age, they join the children's program.  Early childhood focus is based on helping children develop the concept that god (spirit, truth, etc) is good and that church is a good place to be.  Grade school age is focused on helping the children explore monthly theological themes (the same ones explored in Sunday service and adult RE classes/groups) through use of stories/parables.  This age group does explore bible stories because we feel that it's important for children in our society to be bible literate even if they aren't Christian (there are so many references to bible stories in our culture).  Middle school age focuses on learning about different faith traditions.  And I think that we also include some sex ed in this age group.  High school starts with a coming of age year in 9th grade, and then the older high school kids do youth group activities (I think).  Each age group is further divides into grade levels.  And Sunday mornings are split into 3 time periods.  During the 10:00 service, kids have an activity that is structured more like a class.  Then, in the time space between the two main church services, there is a chidlren's chapel service when children go to chapel with their families.  After chapel, there are other activities scheduled for each grade level to explore spiritual themes through things like music, art, and yoga.

I've never been one to go to a really big church.  But when I was looking for a church home and found out about the RE program at this church, that was one of the big things that sealed the deal for me.  And I've found lots of wonderful opportunities for myself as well.

[Stargirl]

All I can say is WOW! :)

[mammal_mama]

I'm very happy that we made it back this morning after missing last week. I've started attending the Road to Membership class.

It was kind of neat when one of the leaders mentioned that our city's mayor was at the forum this morning, and she said it's very common for political leaders to choose our church to speak at, even with all the really huge megachurches around the city, because of how politically active our members are -- people who want to succeed in politics know that this is a church that can make or break them.

This morning's topc (in the forum and worship service, not in the membership class) was immigration reform. And it really makes me excited to be part of a church that is working so hard to bring us back to a realization that the statue of liberty says "Give me your tired, your poor....", and we are a nation made up of immigrants.

[LionessMom]

I finally went and checked out the nearest to me UU church. i LOVED it! i felt so welcome. i got to look around and even talk to the minister. he was very understanding of my social anxiety and explained everything to me. i cant wait to go on sunday. they are having a new members get together. i know my children will love it. i really hope that having this community can help my 15 yr old DS. something is not quite right in our family life. i really think this will help alot!!

[Starflower]

Nice to read about everyone's UU experiences here. I am still sort of in questioning mode about staying with our church (have been there 10 years now). But I am getting closer and closer to leaving. I have questions about that, and I wanted to ask you mamas about it.

Background:  We live less than 5 minutes from a UU church where we are members. I was heavily involved in volunteering there (even on the board) until last February when I started making life changes, mostly to accommodate some health problems. I am still working on the health issues, but they are improving. DD also was bullied at an alternative school last year and ended up in therapy. We are working with a therapist for DD's anxiety and depression. The depression seems to have lifted but the anxiety still makes life difficult. We are back to unschooling now.

Our church situation: DH likes going when he drags his butt there but he isn't motivated to go. DD hates going to RE and won't sit quietly in a service even though she can read novels or draw or whatever. She just says she wants to get out of there and she hates it when the congregation sings. I was going twice a month because I was singing in the choir, but I've traded choir practice for belly dance classes so I am not really going anymore either, even though now we are actually getting up on time to get there. I don't really feel like I gain any spiritual growth from the sermons. They are interesting, thought-provoking even. But what makes me feel spiritual is doing art or dancing.

We started attending the UU church because we agree with the values and UUism fits us well. DH is former non-practicing Catholic. I used to be Methodist, then Wiccan. Now I am more humanist with occasional pagan leanings. The church we're at fits this part well - they tend to be predominantly humanist with several pagans and a little bit of everyone else thrown in. But our main reason for joining a church was because we wanted to have a community for our future kid(s). Fast forward several years and we have one child who will remain an only. I do not feel like we have a real community at this church. We have a community of acquaintances there. And I do really like the people, but I don't really feel like any of them are actual friends. Not the kind of people that we can seem to arrange to do things with outside of church. Everyone is very busy and there's the whole suburbia thing going on.

DD hates the RE program. It is very schooly, often with worksheets and stuff. She kind of likes the kid service they have once a month. I tried to talk to the DRE about DD's anxiety and depression issues as they relate to RE, but she basically just blew me off. I thought she would try to work with me or something. Instead, she was like "oh, too bad. Well, you should just make her come to church." Ummm.... that doesn't really work for me. We have other issues we need to use pressure on. This is not one of them. DH and I both find the DRE to be patronizing. I suspect DD does as well. I think the DRE thinks DD is stupid or something because we homeschool and she is behind the PS kids in writing. Well, she is 7 years old and reads 8th grade books. She is not stupid. She does have some emotional issues, but the DRE doesn't seem interested in helping me find a way to deal with them in a way to help DD tolerate, let alone enjoy church. I am pretty much fed up with this DRE at this point but she seems very popular, and I don't feel like trying to fight my way through here. We have been working with DD's homeschool nature program to help her stay there despite her anxiety issues. They have been nothing but helpful. Realistic about our options, but helpful. I just feel shut out by the DRE.

There is also a brand new minister. I am interested in getting to know her, but I just have a lot of other things going on in my life right now.

So that's a lot of babbling. I have decided to take a break. I have felt a lot of pressure (self-imposed) about this because DH and DD will follow my lead. But I have decided to move from being a member to a friend at this church. DH is on board with this as well. I am also going to lessen our pledge significantly. We have other charities we'd like to support and many medical bills to pay.

I guess my question is this: Is it inappropriate for us to have a loose connection with this church, maybe not even attending services but possibly only social events? I could maybe see myself going to a pagan service once in awhile, but it hasn't happened in a long time. I don't want to burn any bridges but I also just don't feel very much at home there anymore, mostly due to the RE issues.

Or maybe it would be better to just keep in touch with a couple of people I like there and let the rest fade away. Any suggestions? The only other times I've left a church (OK a pagan group) was because I was moving to a new state.

[artgoddess]

I say start with the social connections and see how it goes.  At social functions it may be a good way to bring up your dissatisfaction with the way RE is taught (worksheets ARE a drag) in a non-confrontational manner that other church members would be more open to hearing an if more than one person speaks to the DRE she will hopefully make changes.  It's also a good way to maybe get to know the new minister. If you aren't inclined to eve go back after a year or so then it will just naturally fade away for you.

[Aeress]

Originally Posted by Adele_Mommy 

Originally Posted by Aeress 

Hi All,

 I started a blog about being UU and a homeschooler.

It is just a beginning, but i thought it might be helpful to some.

http://uuhomeschooling.blogspot.com/

I will eventually write about raising kids UU as part of homeschooling curriculum, we are also nature oriented (well Pagan really but I don't always use the Pagan description on public things).

Hi Aeress!  Thanks for sharing the link to your blog.  It looks like it will be a really interesting and useful resource for homeschoolers.  I get the impression homeschool resources that include a spiritual component, but that are not fundamentalist Christian, are pretty hard to find.  Is it OK if I share your link with the members of my church who homeschool?

Adele

Hi Adele,

 Sorry it took me so long to get back here. Yes, it can be hard to find. UUA puts out some parent/child resources but nothing of course, specific to homeschooling.

Yes, you are welcome to share witth the members of your church.

I will try to get a comprehensive list of resources put together this month.

[ziggy]

Due to a myriad of just icky life situations it looks like I'll be moving to Boston (form Maine) pretty soon.  I'm trying really hard to find positives here.

Positive: I will have a church again.  I know a ton of UUs in Boston, and I will actually have a choice of churches.  I'm excited to have a regular place to go again for church!

[Starflower]

Thanks, artgoddess!

Aeress - I've bookmarked you blog and will read more later.

ziggy - Sorry to hear you've been having icky life situations. I hope the move helps even things out for you. It sounds like having many churches to choose from and UUs you already know in Boston will help ease your transition.

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by LionessMom 

I finally went and checked out the nearest to me UU church. i LOVED it! i felt so welcome. i got to look around and even talk to the minister. he was very understanding of my social anxiety and explained everything to me. i cant wait to go on sunday. they are having a new members get together. i know my children will love it. i really hope that having this community can help my 15 yr old DS. something is not quite right in our family life. i really think this will help alot!!

I'm so glad your visit went well!    It sounds like you have a great church.  I hope you children fall in love with it as well.  Good luck!

[Adele_Mommy]

Originally Posted by ziggy 

Due to a myriad of just icky life situations it looks like I'll be moving to Boston (form Maine) pretty soon.  I'm trying really hard to find positives here.

Positive: I will have a church again.  I know a ton of UUs in Boston, and I will actually have a choice of churches.  I'm excited to have a regular place to go again for church!

 Hi ziggy,

I'm sorry you have icky life situations right now.  That sucks. 

It's true that Boston is full of UUs and Unitarians though!  And there is such an incredible amount of history there.  And Unitarian history! 

I went to college in Cambridge and then lived for a year in Somerville and about three years in Framingham.  It was a fabulous place to go to school and just be a college student, but I must admit I was glad to leave.  I am just not a New Englander at heart. 

  I hope you find lots more positives!

Adele

[Adele_Mommy]

I want to share the link to National Standing on the Side of Love Day on Feburary 14.

If your church is having an event, you can post it on the site.  You can also use the site to search for events near you. 

[shanniesue2]

Hi!

We had our women's retreat this weekend and it was really really good...  Kate Braestrup was our keynote, and she is so amazing and insightful.  She preached at our service on Sunday and gave this wonderful sermon about prayer and hope.  She talked about the recent birth and death of her grandson.  About prayer not working in the sense that there is this Santa Claus god in the sky giving us whatever we ask for.  But that prayer allowed her to be open to recognizing love and God in the nurses who cared for her grandson, in the doctor who handed her the kleenex, and in the song her daughter in law sang to her baby as he died.  It was such a beautiful sermon.  There wasn't a dry eye in the church (well, maybe my husband's, but he's not overtly emotional). 

She also had some really strong words of wisdom about marriage and relationship that I have found really helpful in thinking about my relationship with my husband.

Basically, it was a great weekend, with lots of insight... And I'm sort of mentally exhausted.

I highly recommend Kate Braestrup's books.

[hipumpkins]

 I was brought to this thread from searching "OWL" b/c my church is going to start using this curriculum.  I have heard  alot about it and I am concerrend that  my church is starting this too young.  I see referenced in this thread that is used for pre teens and teens. 

Our church is starting this for 2nd graders. 

I am worried that is too young .  Many moms in our church feel the same but not are not willing to buck the system.  

Please give me any feedback you may have on this topic/curriculum

Valerie

[shanniesue2]

Originally Posted by hipumpkins 

 I was brought to this thread from searching "OWL" b/c my church is going to start using this curriculum.  I have heard  alot about it and I am concerrend that  my church is starting this too young.  I see referenced in this thread that is used for pre teens and teens. 

Our church is starting this for 2nd graders. 

I am worried that is too young .  Many moms in our church feel the same but not are not willing to buck the system.  

Please give me any feedback you may have on this topic/curriculum

Valerie

I know that they use OWL at my church.  A friend of mine is one of the instructors and I know that recently, she did a birth story lesson with the 3rd graders... and I think she said that there is a story that they use with first graders... I think she said that at that age there is information about good touch/bad touch.  She did say that the information for the younger ages didn't cover sex acts.  Aside from that I don't really know much more about it.  DS isn't 3 yet... and I haven't really looked into it.

 

[Starflower]

Our church starts OWL in K-1st. All the levels are age-appropriate. We had two versions of a story (one with more specific info) to choose from and it was decided by the parents of participating children to use the less specific version of the info on the the birds and bees because some parents were uncomfortable. We had to sit through a long meeting about what all would be covered and sign off on it. Everyone was extremely accommodating about personal beliefs and family values. At the required pre-class meeting the parents all discussed our own upbringings and how the topics of sex were introduced. (The kids were not there - they were doing crafts in another room.) The facilitators discussed everything with the parents before the kids even started classes.

In the (K-1st) program, there was info on good touch and bad touch, basic body parts (yes genitals were included but so were things like eyes and elbows),various types of families, etc. The parents attended part of some of the classes (I think the first and last). The younger grade kids do crafts and things as well. They had several books recommended for children to read with their parents. There was also a book for parents to use along with the class and a notebook that came home every week with the kids with what they worked on and some homework to do with their families.

I really don't how 2nd graders could be too young for OWL if they are using the age-appropriate curricula. The program is designed to not only be informative but also to foster communication between kids and their parents.

My only complaint about the program was that our DD already knew everything they covered and was bored, but this was not the norm. She is just very inquisitive and we have been very forthright with her from the beginning. We plan to have DD take OWL in the higher level classes when she is older.

[Aeress]

Our church has done OWL in the past, but not of recent years and it was for teens.

I would prefer to teach that at home. Personally, I wouldn't agree to it and would ask the church why they are using it now. UUA has a lot of great resources, and curriculums for the younger kids.