DD being mean to DH

[mom61508]

DD has been very mean to DH and I can't figure out why.  he comes home and she won't talk to him and tells him to go away. At night he wants to lay with her and read her books and she always gets upset becuase she wants mommy to do it and daddy to go lay in the other bed. She gives him lots of attitude throughout the day. How do I handle this? DH gets his feelings hurt too and it makes me feel awful.

[crunchy_mommy]

How old is she?

My 22mo DS is like this as well. For him, it seems to be a really strong attachment to me, not so much an aversion to DH but DH gets the flack for standing in the way of DS being with me (from his point of view!) It is much worse if DS is sick or coming down with something, or teething, or in some other way not feeling quite right. I think my DH is pretty good about not taking it personally but *I* have a really tough time dealing with it & not blaming DH for it (especially when I desperately need a break!)

[mom61508]

she's 30 months....it just started about a month ago. It's strange but she gets upset If DH leaves anywhere without her. It's like she wants him here but when he's here she's not nice to him. 

[shanniesue2]

DS is 34 months and he is like this.  If he asks to read a book and DH picks one up to read, he'll say, "no.  just mommy."  At bed time, it's "Go away, Daddy!  Just mommy!"  We try to just follow through, so if it's daddy's night to do bed time, then daddy just sticks with it and gives him a choice to go to sleep with daddy or to go to sleep by himself.  Usually DS picks by himself and then less than 5 minutes later asks for daddy to come back.

DH tries not to take it personally.  It helps that DS switches things up and tells me to go away fairly frequently.  And often he'll tell me "no.  Just daddy."  when it comes to something I'm trying to do with/for him.

[bcblondie]

Maybe lately she just feels that you understand her more? You give her the type of attention that she wants? Does he do anything differently?

Or maybe her pushing him away is really to see if he'll pull closer?

I'm just guessing here.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by mom61508 

she's 30 months....it just started about a month ago. It's strange but she gets upset If DH leaves anywhere without her. It's like she wants him here but when he's here she's not nice to him. 

Hmm yeah that's almost exactly how DS is, except he's been that way since birth so I just figure it's part of his personality. Did you try asking her why?

[mamazee]

Well, first, I see you have a baby due in just a few months, and the stress of that could make her clingy to you.  Also, kids typically choose a favorite, and then often a few months later will switch off and have the other one be the favorite for a while, though this could be complicated by you being pregnant.  You're far enough along that this is probably feeling very real to her and could be causing some anxiety.

[mom61508]

Originally Posted by bcblondie 

Maybe lately she just feels that you understand her more? You give her the type of attention that she wants? Does he do anything differently?

Or maybe her pushing him away is really to see if he'll pull closer?

I'm just guessing here.

These are good ideas. I have to think about these. I mean he does do things differently but not completely different. 

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

Originally Posted by mom61508 

she's 30 months....it just started about a month ago. It's strange but she gets upset If DH leaves anywhere without her. It's like she wants him here but when he's here she's not nice to him. 

Hmm yeah that's almost exactly how DS is, except he's been that way since birth so I just figure it's part of his personality. Did you try asking her why?

Ya and she just says" I want daddy to go away" I'm sure it won't last forever but I feel bad for DH.

Originally Posted by mamazee 

Well, first, I see you have a baby due in just a few months, and the stress of that could make her clingy to you.  Also, kids typically choose a favorite, and then often a few months later will switch off and have the other one be the favorite for a while, though this could be complicated by you being pregnant.  You're far enough along that this is probably feeling very real to her and could be causing some anxiety.

Ya I've considered the new baby being part of it. She seems so excited about baby sister though. She's says nearly everyday"I want her to come out so I can hold her" so sweet.  As long as it's a "normal" phase I'm ok with it and think that will help DH understand a little more. It's hard being a toddler :)

Edited by mom61508 - 12/24/10 at 7:34am