should my toddler be doing these things?

[shanniesue2]

So we're visiting my in laws... SIL has a little girl who is 2 months older than DS, and boy are they different!  DN is generally calmer and more independent than DS.  DS is more high energy and goofy than DN. 

But it has me wondering if DS should be doing some of the things that DN is doing... here are some of them: she knows what month her birthday is in, she buckles herself into her carseat (although not tightly enough for my standards), she stayed close to us in a parking lot while we were getting into/out of the car (I have to hold on to DS to keep him from running into traffic), she dresses/undresses herself (DS could care less about clothes and would prefer to be naked), she sleeps through the night, she goes to bed on her own

I don't know if I would go as far as to say that DS is "spirited" but much of the lack of independence has to with behavior (not ability).  Part of it has to do with the fact that being WOHM parents who have to leave the house by 6:45 AM, we frequently don't have time to wait around for him to do things like decide to brush his teeth on his own or put his clothes on.  So we frequently do a lot of things for him.  I don't have a good solution for this.  Our work schedule is what it is, and I don't really think that getting up before 5:00AM is reasonable. 

Anyway, which of the above listed things should be something that most "almost-3-year-olds" can do on their own?  Is this truly an issue of different personalities and I should just stop worrying?  I hate comparing DS to other kiddos, but the difference in this case is truly striking. 

[elisheva]

My ds is 4 and is only now starting to want to dress himself (other than pull up his pants after he pees). I have a friend whose dd is 2 months older than my ds and she has been dressing herself for years. She also will sit and draw beautifully for hours at a time. She's not completely potty trained. My ds can buckle his chest strap but that's it. 

I think it's probably a little bit of a diff personality thing and probably maybe a little boy v girl thing. Now that I have a dd, I'm astonished at how much quicker some of her development (especially in the communication dept) has been than either of my ds.

[pbjmama]

I agree with pp, some is personality/temperament, some is boy vs girl.

I can tell you that knowing your bday is on kindy screening. My 4.5 yo ds just learned his and I was surprised the other day that my 2.5 yo dd also knows hers. My ds can buckle himself in the seat securely, my dd can do the top center buckle. My dd dresses and undress herself every day, including socks while my ds would rather I 'help' him with everything. My ds sleeps through the night, dd does not.

I also agree that he might have more skills if he was able to practice on his own more but I don't think it is a detriment to him, he will be able to do these things in time. And possibly with less frustration.

[sapphire_chan]

It's personality. A three year old who does those things and a three year old who does not do those things are both totally normal.

But if something bothers you, you can work on things. For instance, changing into clothes for playing in the snow when you guys get home would give you a chance to let him do stuff alone without a time crunch (one parent does snow-duty, other parent cooks). Let him brush his own teeth at night.

And if you all commute together then there's tons of games one parent could play with him while the other drives.

(As for clothes, my dd prefers to be naked--except for a hat and accessories, and there's a hat and necklace and such for her daddy too!)

[nextcommercial]

By "almost three", my daughter was absolutely staying near me if we were in a public area at all.  If it was a place we were comfortable, she could run around.  But, never a parking lot.   I don't expect drivers to see her, I expected her to stay near me without being chased.

She could buckle herself in to her old carseat... but, today's carseats, I doubt she'd have been able to do that.  

She knew her birthday, and the birthdays of many of her friends.  Birthdays are a big deal around here.  Even my daycare kids know each other's birthdays.  

She could dress herself, but in her own way, not the way I would dress her.  She was usually UNdressed though.  Loved being naked.

And, ya know what????  She's no farther ahead now than anybody else.  She's starting college in the fall, and she's doing it at the same time as everybody else.  All the kids get to the same place at the same time.  The kids that seem so advanced, still wind up in the same place.  

He'll do what he likes, when he likes it, and he'll have his own strengths and his own interests.  

I'd probably work on the parking lot issue though, I bet he's capable, but he's never been expected to stay next to you, so it never occurred to him that he should/can.

[weliveintheforest]

definitely personality!  My ds is like your ds, my dd was more like your dn (but not at bedtime!)