Disneyland Dad in full force & I am SOOOOOOO mad!

[blueholly]

For our children, 9 & 3, the holidays were about giving to others because I wanted my children to know there are people without electricity, much less gobs of plastic STUFF. We gave them a stocking and one big present (all from Santa). Grandparents usually bombarded them with stuff but it was still pretty reasonable.

THIS YEAR??? I was informed by my kids that they had a bunch of presents under their dad's tree already and when I picked them up today b/c I have them for Christmas, they showed me the this and the that he'd let them open early. Of course, one was a great present that I'd also gotten my daughter so there went that.

I am testy, I am yelling, I am sad. I don't want my kids to grow up spoiled. I mean, their friends down the road have NOTHING and we went out to get them presents and that was our do-good-deed for this year. I mean, is it really worth one-upping me this much to throw a bunch of stuff at them??

And I also heard this from the STBX: he wanted to keep them Christmas eve because "we" are having a party (he's moved in with his gf of 8 months after us separating 12 months ago) and I said I thought the early morning Christmas exchange would be too hard on them.

So my DS, 3, goes for visitation and runs a fever. My DD, 9, tells me she wrote her dad a NOTE during the night saying her brother was sick and needed him. So this is what STBX tells me: "He was running a fever and I gave ... WE gave him some medicine." Seriously? You cannot care for your children on your own?

This is not the holiday to have a bad attitude but I do right now and big time.

[One_Girl]

That really sucks.  I don't know what to say to make you feel better because when my dd's ex drops back into our lives with huge presents and does the disneyland dad stuff then drops back out I am also left steaming mad and with huge things that fit nowhere.  I am sending some hugs your way though.

[haydn'smommy]

I'm sorry that you are hurting, but honestly, he's not obligated to celebrate the holiday in the same way you do. If he wants to spend the money on gifts, then that's his choice. My STBX hasn't gotten the boys a lot this year, but I did. I didn't do it to be Disneyland Mom or to one up him; I did it because I was genuinely thrilled to get this stuff and see the joy on my babies' faces when they open their presents. Just because your kids get gifts on the holiday does not mean they will be spoiled. There's a lot more to "spoiling" a child than one holiday.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by blueholly 

I mean, their friends down the road have NOTHING and we went out to get them presents and that was our do-good-deed for this year.

Giving is about wanting to give, and to make someone's day a little brighter.  Giving isn't about "doing good deeds" for people who have less than us - its not something to check off the list, yk?

Anyway, my ex is also the "disneyland" dad and my ds is going to have one heck of a day tomorrow, and will get more gifts than he will EVER be able to play with.  But, oh well.  That doesn't make him spoiled, it doesn't mean his dad sucks at being a dad, it just means that his dad will do x-mas differently with ds than I will.  Thats ok.

[hillymum]

LOL My 11yr old's therapist warned him that the quantity of gifts given this year will probably correlate to parental guilt. Wise son came home from visitation saying he had so many gifts under the tree he coufldn't believe it. He then said "I guess Dr.M------- was right.".

On a side note; is it a faux pas to send a gift of a knife to sbx with a note mentioning back stabbing?

[2xy]

I understand that has to be super frustrating. I think that most divorced parents will experience these types of aggravations in one way or another.

My kids' dad and I split up when the boys were 9.5 and 13. For the past three Christmases, he hasn't acknowledged them at all. Not even a phone call or a card. Nothing for birthdays, either. He hasn't seen them since October of last year. It's not for lack of money or lack of time. It's just lack of effort.

[meemee]

when dd was younger her dad WAS the disney dad. but that's coz he just didnt know what else to be. he seriously had a hard time relating to her. today he is STILL disney dad but he also takes care of her well. 

so i am grateful dd has a disney dad. at least she gets things from him. coz i cant buy her things.

mama our children are not stupid. you both are not disney parents. they are in fact better off seeing both sides. they will not be spoilt just coz they got lots of presents. 

how YOU lead your life, what YOU do is what they are going to pick up more than anything. you are providing the balance so they can see both sides of the coin. 

dd is 8 and notices life. on her own. not because she has been taught. but because thru the way we live our life she truly gets what life is about and what is fake.

for instance i never kept things away from her. yet she picked up on the falseness of advertising - asking me what's the point of putting on foundation to hide your blemishes when your blemishes never disappear.

however mama even i would be mad at the illness thing. esp. on a wound so raw rubbing in the WE really hurts. :-(

[justmama]

I know your pain.  My ex is a disneyland dad and it kills me because my kids ARE becoming spoiled.  I wish they weren't.  But they expect things to be like that all the time when they come home and not only do I feel it's not an appropriate way to raise the kids, I can't afford it.  So what to do?  I wish I had advice.  Just sympathy.  I've tried talking to him but he just doesn't care.