Thank you for your honesty. I feel no disrespect at all. I value honesty. I am the one that moderates all threads and approves them. Sometimes people don't always like what I have to say, or let me know that it doesn't ring true for them, and I still approve the feedback because I am confident in my work. I also appreciate that you recognize that I took the time to answer your question on Christmas. I was planning on taking these last two days off. But when I approved your question it caused me a lot of concern and I sat with it for awhile. And so now I want to put something back to you, in complete honesty.
You keep looking outside yourself. Spending thousands of dollars looking for the magic answer from a book, a pill, a psychic etc, isn't going to work if it doesn't make you reflect internally. And see what YOU are doing wrong. If you are thinking negative, then stop thinking negative. Yes, it is that simple. It will take some practice to make that your norm...to become a glass half full person. I'm not going to tell you there is some deeper meaning to your negative attitude. It is called a negative attitude. Now, I do truly understand that depression can be an all consuming pit. As I stated earlier, it's lonely and scary and can be difficult to climb out of. But the deal is still the same. Nobody can say anything to fix it or do anything to pull you out of it. Obviously, right? It hasn't worked for you so far. Only you can do it. It's time for you to take responsibility for the life you are creating. Until you are ready to do that, than things will stay the same.
I know this after an early life of being sexually molested, suicide attempt at 12, bulmia, suicide attempt again at 21, psychiatrists, pill etc. Only until I had had enough of the crap by 22; until I was so freaking tired of living that way did I choose differently. I finally screwed my on head on straight. I did it.
First I got to know myself. I let all facades drop. I didn't pretend anymore to be who I wasn't. I stopped caring what people thought about me. I no longer tolerated judgment. I dropped negative people and situations out of my life and allowed in only positive. I got some Spirituality in a major way. I tuned into my intuition to guide me instead of trying to be told what to do by everyone else. I began to accept myself fully for my great traits, and my "character flaws" and I worked with what I got. I stopped treating myself like sh!t and treating myself like my own best friend. I demanded respect and I only gave it if deserved.
I flipped my whole entire world around. I did it because I finally loved myself. As totally cheesy and stupid as that sounds, it is the truth. Plain and simple.
So I go back to my original answer. Although somewhat generic sounding, I do feel like this is your problem. You don't even know your own self. And you clearly state you want an answer from someone else. And I am telling you there is not answer from someone else. It's from inside you. You can choose differently everyday. It is a choice. There is always a choice.
You said so yourself "I am wasting my life with negative thoughts", okay. So what are YOU going to do about that? Stop putting band aids on it and actually change your thoughts. And it will help you to find yourself, because you might actually like what you find. Wouldn't that be something? And if you don't, then change it. You totally have the power in your hands, you just don't want to take responsibility. You are afraid to face what you have created and claim it as yours. But the good news is, once you take responsibility, you can also begin to create something different.
So taking full responsibility sucks to some degree, but on the other hand, should also bring a lot of relief. Because then you can realize you truly don't want to keep living a crummy existence. It is completely up to you.
This is all I am going to have time to respond. You are right that you are expecting a lot out of a $10 question. I spend months working with people to get them to the other side of a very similar place to where you are at. But maybe if you really open your heart to listen this time. No matter if any of those books and whatever haven't worked so far. Maybe if you hear what I have written to you for only $10, maybe you could change your whole 2011 and beyond. And if nothing clicks here, then just ignore it.
But I hope some thing does. I would love nothing more than to give you a Christmas miracle.
Edited by IntuitiveJamie - 12/26/10 at 4:47pm