Crying on Christmas! :-( - Page 3

[minta]

 

It's based on her boundary violation, not my ungratefulness.  The issue is more than an invasion of gifts; it's an invasion of our family and the values that we hope to instill in our children.

 

I get what you're saying, I really do. But I also think one needs to choose one's battles. With my first baby, I was rather precious (not saying this is you -- it was me) about him only playing with Waldorf-type stuff, non-licensed merchandise etc... etc... And I used to get mad when other people didn't get that and repeatedly gave us stuff outside the boundaries that I had set. After baby #4, I'm just happy that people think of my kids at all, and I no longer feel like I need to control how they do that. If we get stuff I really, really hate or just don't have the space for, I have no trouble getting rid of it. But I don't get all worked up about plastic (which was my big issue) anymore -- I just relegate it to the sandpit until it breaks. I guess I just feel like I have bigger fish to fry now that my little ones are getting older and exposed to all sorts of different influences and perspectives in the big, wide world. I'd get worked up if the relatives gave us racist or religiously intolerant stuff, but if they just want to ship way too much material stuff at us, then I just feel grateful for the opportunity to teach the kids about need vs. want, crap vs. quality, sharing personal wealth with charities by donating useful possessions etc.. etc... It can be a great learning opportunity, and maybe you could be grateful to your MIL for funding that IYWKIM? That might help ease some of your angst, which is ultimately hurting you more than it's hurting anyone else, and save you from having another miserable Christmas if your MIL doesn't change.

[mamaofthree]

it didn't sound like it was a type of toy issue as much as a mass amount of stuff issue. it's one thing to get a couple toys a piece another to have the kids overwhelmed with stuff. you can't even enjoy any of it when there is so much of it. 

OP i have to agree with you, it is more of a boundary issue then being ungrateful. (at least that is how it sounds to me).

h

[4evermom]

Growing up, we only got 3 or 4 gifts from our parents and *maybe* a family gift from an aunt.  I don't really understand how people find such an overload of gifts enjoyable or desirable.  We'd much rather have things spread out so we can appreciate them...  My ds took days to open gifts when he was 3.  And this year, he wanted to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas instead of getting all his gifts on the 1st day.

OP, I'd totally just go through the toys and put away things for a rainy day.  Since they are so young and changing, some of those things might be nice later during the year.  You can break up the train set (you did say they got an extra train set or am I thinking of a different thread?) and add new pieces every so often to keep it fresh and interesting.  If there is something redundant or something I truly don't think dc will like, I'd return it or donate it.  Yes, these gifts were given to your child, but it's ok in my book to protect your child from being overwhelmed.  It's ok to prevent your home from being filled with an excess of toys.  You are the one that has to clean and organize them, after all.  The bottom line is whether your child is happy.  People might project how they or their children would feel if their toys were donated but what matters is how your kids feel.  This year, they probably don't care.  They may care in future years and you can be sensitive to their opinions at that time.    

[craft_media_hero]

I totally understand. Dd and I had just gone through her room and gotten rid of a lot of plastic stuff and little tiny choke-hazard type things (ds will be crawling soon), and what did she get for Christmas? A lot of plastic stuff and little tiny choke-y things. She did get some absolutely wonderful items that dh and I would not have been able to afford that she will definitely use (like a little pottery kit and rock polisher), but it's just the mass number of presents for the sake of presents thing . . . presents that are there to fill up  space or bought out of guilt or just there to check off a name on the list, when really we'd be happy with a family night together or activity or so SO happy with a handmade item or even smth gifted to a charity in lieu of a gift---but that's all way too "far out" for our extended fam, gotta love 'em!

I don't have any solutions, just wanted to let you know that I relate.

Originally Posted by Irishmommy 

In the 17 Christmases dd1 has had, and the 11 dd2 has had, want to know how many gifts they have received in total from one side of grandparents? None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nothing.

I think you need to be grateful that your kids' grandparents are involved enough and care enough to shower your children with gifts at Christmas. Being ignored is a whole lot worse.

See, we have grandparents on my side like that too, which I'll not go into, but yeah, it hurts, esp. when they are so involved with the "other" grandkids. So I get where you're coming from. But if my dp's parents (or my parents) basically filled my living room with way too much stuff for my kids to even handle, then I still would be overwhelmed and upset, regardless of absent grandparent situation.

Too much is too much and zero is zero! We seek the middle road! ;)

Edited by craft_media_hero - 12/30/10 at 8:30pm

[Miss Information]

Originally Posted by minta 

 

 If we get stuff I really, really hate or just don't have the space for, I have no trouble getting rid of it. But I don't get all worked up about plastic (which was my big issue) anymore -- I just relegate it to the sandpit until it breaks. I guess I just feel like I have bigger fish to fry now that my little ones are getting older and exposed to all sorts of different influences and perspectives in the big, wide world. I'd get worked up if the relatives gave us racist or religiously intolerant stuff, but if they just want to ship way too much material stuff at us, then I just feel grateful for the opportunity to teach the kids about need vs. want, crap vs. quality, sharing personal wealth with charities by donating useful possessions etc.. etc... It can be a great learning opportunity,

I have taken this view...for the most part, though after 8 years, my MIL finally got it through her head not to go crazy with the craptastic toys.

I have felt the SAME way in the past about being completely overwhelmed with the junk.

I even had lists of things for people to buy and NOT to buy on both sides of the family.  My side understood.  My SIL emailed me back and told me how UNChristian I was to be dictated what people shouldn't buy for my kids.

This year, though, thankfully, it was much less of a problem.  We just had a slightly different problem (which really isn't a problem).

MIL spent about 3-4 months making these huge, child-sized, Raggedly Ann dolls for my three girls and the two oldest aren't into dolls so much anymore.  They are nicely constructed...but a tad bit creepy.  My 5 year old kept crying about it when we brought them home and would NOT go in the same room with one of those dolls.  She's better now about it (I think).  But these things are HUGE...take up a lot of space, were played with for one day.

On the one hand...a lot of time and love went into those gifts.  On the other hand...they just lay around the house getting tripped over.  We will NEVER be able to get rid of them...because so much time and love went into them and they are personalized with each of their names...but I think they are creepy too.

Oh well...maybe they can make their way under the beds to be pulled out when Grandma comes over.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by Miss Information 


I have taken this view...for the most part, though after 8 years, my MIL finally got it through her head not to go crazy with the craptastic toys.

I have felt the SAME way in the past about being completely overwhelmed with the junk.

I even had lists of things for people to buy and NOT to buy on both sides of the family.  My side understood.  My SIL emailed me back and told me how UNChristian I was to be dictated what people shouldn't buy for my kids.

This year, though, thankfully, it was much less of a problem.  We just had a slightly different problem (which really isn't a problem).

MIL spent about 3-4 months making these huge, child-sized, Raggedly Ann dolls for my three girls and the two oldest aren't into dolls so much anymore.  They are nicely constructed...but a tad bit creepy.  My 5 year old kept crying about it when we brought them home and would NOT go in the same room with one of those dolls.  She's better now about it (I think).  But these things are HUGE...take up a lot of space, were played with for one day.

On the one hand...a lot of time and love went into those gifts.  On the other hand...they just lay around the house getting tripped over.  We will NEVER be able to get rid of them...because so much time and love went into them and they are personalized with each of their names...but I think they are creepy too.

Oh well...maybe they can make their way under the beds to be pulled out when Grandma comes over.

As you children get older, they will start to appreciate the dolls as a symbol of love from their grandma, instead of just the not so great toys that they are at this point.

[madskye]

Oh, I feel for you.  I cannot have any kind of discussion with my mom about gift giving--even if I try hard to be tactful she gets very defensive about it.  I've just come to the conclusion that for some people (who usually have a shopping issue) gift giving is very complicated and something I'm not going to change. 

That said, I do chuck some new things after the holidays.  I donate.  I drop off boxes of things at the dump, too.  MIL gave my DD, 5, a bag of "little goodies" that included a Disney princess light up necklace and some kind of weird dollar store toy.  I'll put those in a bag in the closet and when we go on our next long car trip they will be a welcome distraction for a few hours. 

One thing that helped me come to terms with weird giving was quitting my job a few years ago.  I'm back at work now, but during the months that I was home and on a supertight budget, I became very grateful for the generosity of my family.  Even though it wasn't always what I wanted or how I wanted it...being, for the first time in my adult life, in a position of need put their gifts in a totally different perspective.

I'm sorry your family overwhelmed you!

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by craft_media_hero 

Too much is too much and zero is zero! We seek the middle road! ;)

This. If I were dying of thirst, drowning still wouldn't appeal to me, yk?