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Anyone else not able to deal with baby's CRYING!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

I got PPD at 5 days postpartum quite severely. I could not care for the baby and we had to have round the clock care come in and help. I could not care for him bc I felt very anxious about his crying and anticipating his cries. I could not be in the same room with him at times. I got on Zoloft immediately and my PPD was GONE in 10 days! I thought I was cured and was normal for a couple weeks. I am back to normal a lot of the time but have backslides occasionally now. My main issue now is feeling like it's just TOO HARD! I did not realize how hard being a mother would be. They need you 24/7 and it feels so overwhelming. I love my son so much and love being with him, playing with him, singing to him, etc. but when he cries I feel so anxious and bad for him.  

My son is 9 weeks now. I am taking 100 mg of Zoloft and my doc took my of Zyprexa Zydis a week ago bc I was gaining tons of weight. Wondering if my backslides are related to stopping that med or what?

Does anyone else feel like it's just so hard? Why the heck is it so hard? I feel like other moms I know also believe it's hard but I think it's TOO HARD, which is more of the PPD talking. What's normal?

post #2 of 12

:hugs mama! I couldn't read and not reply. It is hard. It's so, so very hard sometimes. My son screamed for 4 mos straight it seemed when he was born. Some mom's have different babies and some mom's just handle it differently. It doesn't mean that you are a bad mom. 

 

Are you able to get any help with the baby? I simply could not have handled it 24/7 on my own. 9 weeks out... all the help dissapears. Is it possible to get a mother's helper, or ask your husband or mom for more 'time off' from the baby?

post #3 of 12

My heart goes out to you. I suffer from Post Partum Depression as well. My son is 10 months now and my daughter is 2.5. I was on Zoloft too for a while. For me it was hard for me to ask people into my house because as depression went on and on my house got messier and messier, but I will tell you, I wish I had someone in my house with me as much as possible, even if it was someone I paid.

Can you hire a maid to come in every so often, can the other pressures come off you so that the pressure over your baby is less? Is there anyone that can bring you in meals?

Being a mom is hard. So, so hard in the beginning when there is no sleep and they rely on you for nearly everything. Stress is normal. Your feelings sound normal.

Just think, there was a time when communities were close together and new mom's got babied, and got rest. Neighbors would send over their older daughters to help, people would gather round together, so in that sense maybe it is too hard. 

 I wish I could go out to all the other new mom's and take care of the cooking and the cleaning and the diapers for the first 3 months.

I am off of Zoloft now and am taking something else that is helping much more. PM me if you are interested.

Are you getting regular good food? Are you getting naps? Are you getting any time to relax or exercise? Those things will make a world of difference for how easy or hard it is to cope. Let your house get messy if you have to so long as you are taking care of yourself.

You will take care of your baby best that way.

 

I don't know if this was helpful, I hope it is and that you get the advice and help that you need.

 

~*

post #4 of 12

Hugs Mama, it WILL get easier. Your son is only 9 weeks old, so its probably going to be stressful off and on for a while. it is hard for EVERY mom, its just that a lot of moms don't talk about it. You are not alone!

 

As for PPD, it is 100% normal to go up and down emotionally for a while. They don't call it a roller coaster for nothing.  You should expect to have good days and bad days. The thing is, eventually those bad days will get further and further apart. Kudos to you for getting help so early. Are you doing any therapy or support groups? Statistically, medication + therapy works much more effectively than medication alone. And PPD support groups can really be an amazing help. If for no other reason than for making friends who are going through what you are going through. Check out the Postpartum Support International website for information on support groups in your area:

 

http://www.postpartum.net/Get-Help/Support-Resources-Map-Area-Coordinators.aspx

 

Your son is so young. Be easy on yourself when you feel yourself getting stressed out. It is normal. Parenthood is stressful, period. Hang in there, and enjoy the good times to the fullest. Let yourself off the hook for feeling overwhelmed, and ask for help when you feel you need it.

post #5 of 12

To OP, it's hard for almost everyone. Parenthood comes as a real shock, for it's nothing like your expectations. The first 2-3 months can be pure hell for some (it was for me!), but it gradually starts to get better. After the first year you will be very proud of yourself, be more in a groove, and love that baby like nothing you have ever felt in your life. It will blow you away. And it then it only gets better and better as you watch w/ amazement as they grow up. Eventually you realize that your prior life before the baby was nowhere near as fulfilling as life w/ your child...but it takes a while to transition to that place. Your baby just needs time to mature a bit, and in a few months you will see smiles and less tears. You will feel more competent by then, too. It's all a process, very normal though difficult.

 

Hang in there, it DOES GET BETTER. smile.gif

post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR SWEET AND KIND REPLIES! Having the hope that it does get better will keep me going. redface.gif

I did join a support group and that has helped. I think I'm going to call my doc tomorrow to see what he thinks about changing/increasing meds bc today I woke up with the thought, "I hate my life right now." That was very shocking and scary to hear myself think that. I am very happy to hear that it does get better and they get less fussy...I will hold onto those thoughts.

post #7 of 12

Know too that when you have those thoughts, the troubling "i hate my life" thoughts, don't give them any merit. Our thoughts are just that- thoughts, they are not real. they are passing things that come into our consciousness and then are gone. You can have the thought "i hate my life" and immediately back it up with something more positive like "i don't feel great right now, and things are hard, but i am a great mom doing the best that i can." And try to do that every time you get focused on a bad thought. Then you don't have to be stuck with the negative thought for the rest of the day.

 

Just a little tip that helps me out a lot.

post #8 of 12


this. one of the best pieces of advice from my therapist was that it was ok for a bird to land on your head, but not ok for you to let it make a nest there. (I didn't have ppd, but rather anxiety before and during pregnancy). I tried really hard to talk myself out of my 'bad' thoughts.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lisasaurus View Post

Know too that when you have those thoughts, the troubling "i hate my life" thoughts, don't give them any merit. Our thoughts are just that- thoughts, they are not real. they are passing things that come into our consciousness and then are gone. You can have the thought "i hate my life" and immediately back it up with something more positive like "i don't feel great right now, and things are hard, but i am a great mom doing the best that i can." And try to do that every time you get focused on a bad thought. Then you don't have to be stuck with the negative thought for the rest of the day.

 

Just a little tip that helps me out a lot.


I also wanted to add... I had a highneeds baby, and it helped me to remember that babies are designed to cry in such a way that it makes you want to tear your hair out. I think some babies are just better at it than others. In better moments I would think, well, at least he's advanced in crying!

post #9 of 12

Google "The Highly Sensitive Person"

 

It sounds like maybe you really *are* more sensitive to the crying than other people. (I'm highly sensitive too!)  There's a quiz on the site.

The book's not so great, but it has a few gems.

 

Knowing that you need to plan to get some time away to detox from all the stimulation around you, really helps in those moments when you feel like your nervous system is on overload.

 

hth!

post #10 of 12

Poor mama!  I know exactly how you feel...my son is 17 months old and I still have that "this is just too hard!!" feeling every day.  I have another on the way so I can only imagine what I'll be like in 6 months.  I'm glad you're feeling better!  Even though antidepressants can be a blessing to people prone to depression, slip-ups are still a part of life!  A book that really helped me when I felt overwhelmed is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns, MD.  The book helps you identify thoughts you're having that are exacerbating your depression (all those negative thoughts we have that drag us down), and how to answer them back in a positive way.

post #11 of 12

iOh having a baby can be super hard. And the idea that motherhood should be this blissful state of being makes it even more difficult. I found some mom groups and playgroups which were OK - but it was really hard to socialize, because everyone's kiddos were demanding the adult's attention. Find company! That helped me immensely. And I realized I didn't need a mom's group the day my dad showed up and told me a story about shopping for a microwave. I was riveted by the story - it really helped to get out of my little world. To think about something that had nothing to do with being a mother or my child. Hearing your baby cry is one of the hardest things to endure in the world. As a mother, your cells are programed to respond to their cr

cries

 

 

 

post #12 of 12

I am sorry you are having a horrible time right now and I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one who goes crazy when my baby cries or who wakes up thinking, "I hate my life right now" because I think that too a lot lately and say it out loud more than I should.  I am always shocked that nobody expressed the difficulty I would face as a mother and always wonder if I am more crazy than just having PPD/PPA because "Why can't I handle this better?" or "How does so-and-so get through the day with 5 kids when I can barely get through today with 2?!"  I don't have any good advice as I am just starting the healing process with a therapist and starting meds in a week or so (after failure with alternatives) but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.  Sometimes my baby's cries are the trigger that sends me spiraling; there's just something that cracks my brain in half when she cries.  I try to tell myself, "It's okay, babies cry." and I thank God she doesn't cry for hours on end and that I have my partner home a lot to help.  You can do it and you will feel better.  But know your feelings are valid and normal for moms like us.  xo  

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