buying clothes question - Page 2

[rubelin]

I think MarsupialMom expressed it well. My boys do have beds. bedding, toothbrushes, towels, and certain books and toys that stay at each house, but their clothes are fluid, along with most of their toys. This is their primary house, they live here 20% more than they live at Daddy's and they are here nearly every weekday, all day (since they homeschool), so it makes sense that most of their stuff lives here, where they are most of the time.

It so happens that I do all their clothes washing because DX doesn't have a washer (he still uses mine) and because I feel more comfortable keeping track of what clothes they have, what fits, needs mending, etc.

I think it's most important to figure out what works for the kids, regardless of what the parents think of one another. It's hard to do and I constantly need to let go of my own bitterness over various things but it's my main consideration in everything and it's the reason why many people in my kids lives don't even realize that their parents are divorced, even people who knew them during the entire break-up.

[meemee]

dd was a toddler when we seperated. so initially i provided everything till ex got the hang of it. then he'd make mistakes and i'd let him. for instance he'd buy school uniforms coz he didnt really notice dd's growth spurts. so for two years she outgrew her size in a month - she does spurts, not slow gradual growth. 

after almost 7 years its pretty fluid in our house. i rarely buy clothes. mostly hand me downs or from friends. so since i dont get CS i consider him buying all as CS. dd is over there at least 3 nights a week. everything travels between houses. toys, clothes, etc. we have become aware to notice when too much piles up in one home. we send a batch back regularly. 

[sillygrl]

When I was still married, it was different for us because we only had my stepson during summer vacation. So, he would come with a suitcase full of clothes and toys and stuff he was currently into. We did things like toothbrushes and stuff, not a problem. And at the end of the summer, we usually went and bought him some new clothes and shoes and stuff for school. Sometimes, he would come and his shoes would be falling apart so I'd just go and get him some new ones. But because we saw him only during summers, it didn't make sense to keep a wardrobe just for him. That boy grows fast!! We also didn't keep toys and stuff here because he wouldn't be able to play with it for a year and that didn't seem fair.

When we lived closer, he was able to tell us what he wanted to keep with us and what he wanted to take with him. As far as clothes go, we were always willing to help out as much as possible with that, either by sending his mom some money or buying him extras when he was with us. His mom was usually pretty good at letting us know what he was in need of. Bottom line was that we were all responsible for raising him and so we all chipped in.

If the ex was sending things back torn or ruined, or not sending things back at all, I would put my foot down. If they can't act like a reasonable person with this, they can take the full responsibilty on themselves. You make sure they are appropriately dressed when they go over there, he can do the same.