Co-Sleepers: Ideally, when would you want to night-wean? - Page 2

[Magali]

I picked the 18 months category.  For me that would be ideal...but if my dd is anything like my ds, it won't be possible.  I tried a few times around 18 motnhs with ds and it never worked.  I was at the end of my sanity when it finally did work when he was 2.5 years old, and it ended up not being the gentle nightweaning I had hoped for, but my ds was ready at that point and we only had a few minutes of tears...on both our parts.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley 

You case is a bit special Aimee as she is not EBF directly from you.  If I were you, and it was greatly distrupting my sleep - I would only night wean when I knew she was having a good portion of food during the day.  (comfort sucking here wouldn't be a problem because you are worried about her eating - not comfort sucking...milk or no milk she could still comfort suck all night long on you no problem I would assume!).  Sounds like she is clearly hungry right now if you are having to top her up with donated milk right now.  And I wouldn't expect a baby that young to be eating full meals during the day either.  So - I would try and get some sleep support (could you nap during the day with her?) if possible?  I couldn't imagine a baby having full meals during the day and being able to sleep without needing a lot of milk for actual food in the night until closer to 1 and a half years of age maybe?  Only you can judge - but I would be basing it on hunger in your case.  Does that make sense?   

It does, and that is basically my plan. Nights like last night where I didn't get more than two hours of sleep completely suck, but I try my best to remind myself that it is temporary. It's hard not to be jealous when I see other babies, and their parents, sleeping through the night though. Napping during the day is a last resort thing, as any nap I take, no matter how early, means I have a hard time going to bed at night when she goes to sleep, and that makes it all even worse.

[beebalmmama]

I voted for 12-18 months because honestly I wouldn't try nightweaning before then. I think many babies still need milk or comfort sucking at night before a year, obviously some for much longer. I personally nightweaned ds1 at 18 months. He may not have been ready but I was really struggling to get enough sleep with his all night nursing. I know some mamas can sleep through it and some of them I could sleep through too, but all night long I could not. I put my children first when it comes to basic needs but I also think you have to consider whether it is working for you too.

My ds2 is 13 months now and I'm not considering night weaning him at this point. But he only wakes 1-3 times and for me that is manageable.

[karen1968]

I nightweaned DS at 15 months for several reasons:

1) I was having back pain from side-lying nursing. I have large breasts and always seemed to prop myself into a 45-degree kind of position to give access and prevent suffocation (probably not really an issue, but as a first-time mom, I worried!)

2) DS developed early childhood caries - i.e., cavities. I was wary of leaving him with milk on his teeth all night, and it woke us both up to clean his mouth/teeth after every feeding.

We used Jay Gordon's Nightweaning Protocol, which took about 2 weeks. We did all we could to make sure DS had a very full tummy (a mix of solids and breast milk) before bed (8pm or so) and breast feeding resumed about 5am.

Soon after, we transitioned DS to his own bed (a full-size bed in the room next to ours). We did this because DS's movements were keeping DH from getting good rest. He is a music teacher and needs to be ON every day. It just wasn't working to keep DS in our bed.  He didn't STTN regularly until he was over 2 years old, though. Probably closer to 3yo, honestly. One of us would have to go in and lay down with him until he fell back asleep.

With this new babe, I don't know. It depends on lots of factors, but I do see it happening at or before 18 months.

[octobermom]

 I have no really time frame for me soo many things factor in. I night weaned at about 8 months with my first several things came into play but the two biggest.

1) she was naturally showing signs of readiness she often would naturally sleep straight through and when shes did wake sehs didn't really wake to nurse but more to play and 

2) I returned to work evenings/ DH sadly was layed off shortly after we had Cecilia and soon money becames very tight so when the oppurunity came for me to bring in an income we made the prayfull decession that I'd take it and DH would watch the baby. I worked 6pm-12 am 3 days a week and 6pm-2am 2 days a week.. (off 2) by the time I came home I needed sleep being up night nursing would have been too much.. Luckily I had some time to prepare so for abotu a month before we worked and DH getting her to bed she took both breast milk and formula so he had a way and honestly cause she was already showing signs of readiness it was a very easy process..

 Once I returned I did a dream feed when I got home for the first few weeks then was able to even drop that she ussually woke around 5am or so nursed then fell back asleep for another hour or so.

  Now I have Margaret she is almost 10 months now she typically sleeps from around 7pm-midnight nurses then sleeps till around 4am nurses and sleeps till around 7am ish... For ME this means.

 I put her to sleep in her crib around 7pm..

at midnight I go get her bring her out to the living room nurse and put her back into her crib

soon after this I go to bed

at 4am waking I jsut bring her into bed with me

we cosleep nurse and sleep till the am...

 Its such a simple rountinue in my life I don't even consider the need to change... Sometimes shes sleeps through the midnight feeding sometimes I go to sleep earlier and just bring her into bed with me sooner.. If at anytime I find my sleep suffering to a degree we need a change or the same with Margaret then I'll activly make a change till then though I'm really not gonna worry.

 Saying that though I know with Cecilia EVERY big mile stone did take a gentle guidance and push from me but by knowing her cues and such the transtations were very simple.. I kinda expect Margaret to be the same.

[BathrobeGoddess]

moved to fbnp....

[Spring Lily]

After reading the responses, it looks like the choice to nightwean is more about an individual's circumstances. Whether you work, have just one child, have children really spaced out, how sleep deprived you've been for how long....some of those factors make it easier to wait a long time than others.

In your case, OP, if you have to get up to use the SNS, I'd try to cut back on the number of times she nurses at night and increase the number of feeds during the day. Sometimes they are so busy playing at that age that they don't take a break to nurse often enough, and that leaves them to make up for it at night. I'd work on that first, at this age. You didn't mention how many times she's waking at night, but she's probably old enough to only need one good feeding at night.

[Knitting Mama]

She wakes up generally once a night to eat, and once a night at a separate place to poop (she gets really upset if I don't get her out and get her on the potty, and she generally goes down again soon after). But then she also sometimes wakes up for no apparent reason and stays awake for a few hours before going back down. I don't really think night-weaning will solve my issues since there sometimes is no rhyme or reason to her being awake. I mean, it probably would help with the getting up to eat and the getting up to poop, but still. I am very fearful of denying her any milk or food; she is small as is and I would worry so much if she stopped gaining. I imagine that when she gets more interested in solids this might get better.

[lookatreestar]

i wouldn't night wean personally. i am in the camp where it will come when they are ready. i say this as a mom to two kids who sttn fairly early on, i am talking 4-6hr stretches from the get go. but when they are sick or teething they don't sleep well (obviously). some nights are better than others, right now my ds at 19 mos nurses twice sometimes more if he is restless.

[Knitting Mama]

Originally Posted by lookatreestar 

i wouldn't night wean personally. i am in the camp where it will come when they are ready. i say this as a mom to two kids who sttn fairly early on, i am talking 4-6hr stretches from the get go. but when they are sick or teething they don't sleep well (obviously). some nights are better than others, right now my ds at 19 mos nurses twice sometimes more if he is restless.

I'm not planning on it, at least not anytime soon, as I have already state. More than anything, at this point, I am interested in hearing how people who cosleep have gone about doing it when they do do it. All I have heard so far is to sleep in another room and let my husband deal with wakeups. I am just wondering if there are other methods people have used successfully without ending their cosleeping.

[karen1968]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

I'm not planning on it, at least not anytime soon, as I have already state. More than anything, at this point, I am interested in hearing how people who cosleep have gone about doing it when they do do it. All I have heard so far is to sleep in another room and let my husband deal with wakeups. I am just wondering if there are other methods people have used successfully without ending their cosleeping.

Well, as I mentioned in my original post, we used Jay Gordon's Night weaning Protocol. It was very helpful for us. He does not recommend doing this before one year of age, and we only did it as early as we did (15 months) because of DS's cavities and my back pain.

Switching DS to another room actually came a few months (3-4) later. So we co-slept for at least 3 months after night weaning, and moving him to his own room was NOT for purposes of night weaning him (it was because my husband wasn't getting good sleep. I truly believe co-sleeping must work for EVERYONE, and it wasn't). Also, at no point did my husband do ALL the nighttime parenting, or even, honestly, a majority of it. DS was our only child, and DH workes out of the home in a demanding job {music teacher} and I stay(ed) home). So, it is possible to do it another way!

[Knitting Mama]

That's pretty much our situation as well, except the industry. Thankfully, my husband sleeps well and has no problem with us cosleeping for as long as Cecilia wants to, so even if we do end up nightweaning over a year, or two years, or whenever, she won't be leaving our bed until she wants to.

[MJB]

I nightweaned my oldest shortly after a year. He started spending one night a week at his dad's at a year, and was STTN there so it was obvious that he didn't *need* to nurse at night. He continued to cosleep and nurse until 5. I wore high-necked nightgowns and offered a sippy of water when he woke at night. It took a week or two before he stopped waking.

I nightweaned my second starting at 8-9 months. He and daddy moved to the guest bedroom for a couple months. He coslept until 2 and nursed until 27 months. 

I voted 9-12 mos. and will work to nightwean my daughter then, unless she is already STTN. 

Personally, I need sleep. My kids need for me to sleep. I can't function well when I'm sleep deprived. For all of our sakes, it's important for me to prioritize my nighttime sleep. I believe a huge majority of babies can sleep through the night by a year with a little work on the parents' end. I'm not willing to martyr myself or my other children so the baby can snack all night long. 

[octobermom]

 I night weaned my Cecilia without stopping cosleeping.. And while my current doesn't cosleep as much (irronic since sehs much more clingy) she does fully co room with me and is literly liek a foot away all night. Anyways with Cecilia it wasn't really hard because she was already pretty much there on her own I jsut needed to gently nudge the rest and with me returning to work it was necessary. I basically offered a little water and helped her back to sleep.. I remember it took about 3 days she fussed most on day one but it wasn't like full out attended CIO it was more liek hey mama why the change I didn't agree to this and water what the heck is this!  but it took around 3 days h=for her to stop waking jsut cause.... THen we had about another 2 weeks before I started work again. I did have DH practice putting her down so I could help him with ideas and such and of course we learned when the occasional night waking WAS from hunger and responded as needed.

 Margaret wakes up at 4:30am like clockwork to nurse I've noticed lately shes not really "eatting" as much as comfort nursing but I'm okay with it. IF over time shes doesn't naturally stop I'll help her but I'll cross that if and when it comes. Secretly I love the 4am wake cause she is my crib sleeper but I snuggle her in with me when shes does the early morning wake. Its special and I'm not wanting to give it up. We cosleep a nap each afternoon and I'm not wanting to give that up eaither. 

Deanna

[D_McG]

I didn't nightwean either of mine until I fully weaned them (20-22 mos) but I hope to get it together to do it earlier this time around. Night nursing is fine in the early months but past a year it really contributes to chronic exhaustion/depression, IME and I've come to think of it as kind of unnecessary (again, IMO and IME).  

[Midwitch]

I voted "other". Dd night-weaned herself when she was about 3 years old. 

[YayJennie]

Originally Posted by Cecilia's Mama 

Like I said in the OP, I have no desire to night-wean now, but I can't say that it's not tempting. Here's why: I had a breast reduction 10 years ago and I have a low supply. Cecilia gets most of her nourishment from donated breastmilk that she drinks at breast (SNS). When she was younger, she was satisfied overnight with bare nursing, so we both slept well, both of us sleeping through night nursings. But as she gets older, either I am making less or she needs more (or both, which I suspect), because now I need to supplement her at night too. She generally goes right back down while latched on and getting her nourishment, so she still gets a good amount of sleep, but I do not. She won't take a bottle and is very blase about sippy cups, so supplementing not at breast isn't an option. So, yeah, tempting to night wean so that I can actually get some sleep, but I would feel absolutely terrible if she was hungry at night and I denied her. So, no night-weaning until I know she doesn't need the milk.

From my experience, you'll know when she no longer needs the nourishment and is just nursing for comfort.  For my son, it was around 11 months, but hewas a really great eater and was eating a ton of solids by that time too.  When we NWed at 14 months, he was definitely not needing the milk for nourishment, as water comforted him back to sleep just as well. HTH.
 

[CBEmomma]

I voted other. We don't plan to wean the kids from co-sleeping. We believe in letting them decide on their own when it's best for them. ds1 is 3 years and has expressed desire to move to his own bed (but not really his own room because our rooms are either from end to end almost, or upstairs, which is too far for his comfort). I looked at some beds for him today and he is excited about it. So this coming week we'll probably purchase him one and set it up in our room for him to sleep at, then when he's comfortable enough sleeping in his own bed we'll move him to his own room.

[Adaline'sMama]

I would really like to have Ada nightweaned at a year. I posted earlier about this, but my side hurts so bad every morning from sleeping on my side so she can have access to that 24 hour diner all night long. It has to stop at some point, and Id like it to be sooner rather than later. I feel like I will give it a good go at 11 months, and if she doesnt seem ready then we will wait and try again in a few more months. My husband will be back to working 40-50 hours a week in April, so Feb. would really be the ideal to start the weaning. I hate the schedule we are on right now. She goes to bed around 8-9, wakes up 45 minutes later needing to be patted on the back. Wakes again 2 hours later to nurse, again 2 hours after that to nurse, and then I get a straight 5 hours of rest before she wakes up for the am. She really only sleeps for about 8 hours every night though. I guess this is that 9 month sleep regression they speak of.