I think this goes here...? Why do people do this? - Page 4

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by philomom 

Otherwise, it's a myob situation.

Mmm, so much for the village, hmm? If I see the same kids drug out blue and shivering by a mom who is warmly dressed herself, what am I to think then? That she wants the child to dress himself or herself and that's more important than them now shivering and blue at the bus stop? Should I assume the mother is high or drunk and incapable of dressing her kids for the cold? Or should I think the kids are intolerable brats who won't listen to a caring mom?

If a child is blue and shivering, they've reached the point where harm is being done, imo.

And, I'm not a big fan of the "village" in the way that many people mean it, so the "so much for the village" sentiment is fairly meaningless to me.

[philomom]

Off topic...

And, I'm not a big fan of the "village" in the way that many people mean it, so the "so much for the village" sentiment is fairly meaningless to me.

Sorry you feel that way. My village has been a huge source of support and love for me. I was pretty ill after my second child was born, I had friends who would bring me meals or in one case, actually stopped by because I didn't answer the phone. They were worried that I'd fainted again leaving the babies unsupervised. My life and my children's lives would be a barren wasteland without good friends.

I'm the kind of person that passes out umbrellas to strangers in my rainy city. I worry about folks and I certainly worry about under-clothed children.

Edited by philomom - 12/31/10 at 5:52pm

[treeoflife3]

I'm all about having a village (I sure wish I had one) but random strangers passing judgment on one tiny bit of another stranger's life is NOT being part of the village.  Friends and family who have details of your life are a village and important... strangers assuming I'm neglecting my child because I don't do x, y, or z are not part of my village and don't get an opinion unless I'm forcing my child to stand in snow barefoot or something equally as ridiculous.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by philomom 

And, I'm not a big fan of the "village" in the way that many people mean it, so the "so much for the village" sentiment is fairly meaningless to me.

Sorry you feel that way. My village has been a huge source of support and love for me. I was pretty ill after my second child was born, I had friends who would bring me meals or in one case, actually stopped by because I didn't answer the phone. They were worried that I'd fainted again leaving the babies unsupervised. My life and my children's lives would be a barren wasteland without good friends.

Good friends are wonderful, but I'm not sure what any of this has to do with the village as you referred to it in your previous post. Random strangers making up their minds that someone is neglecting their child, based on a kid not being dressed "appropriately" - as defined by someone else - have nothing to do with good friends looking out for someone.
 

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by prothyraia "Otherwise, it's a myob situation."

Originally Posted by philomom:   If I see the same kids drug out blue and shivering by a mom who is warmly dressed herself, what am I to think then? That she wants the child to dress himself or herself and that's more important than them now shivering and blue at the bus stop? Should I assume the mother is high or drunk and incapable of dressing her kids for the cold? Or should I think the kids are intolerable brats who won't listen to a caring mom?

Did you actually read what I wrote?  Because what I said was:
 

Originally Posted by prothyraia 
  If frostbite or hypothermia is a concern (and yes, age plays into that), then we have something.  Otherwise, it's a myob situation.

Blue and shivering? Yes, I'd be concerned too (even if they did have a hat and scarf! ) 

Coatless but seemingly unaffected, in temperatures/wind conditions not likely to cause immediate damage?  I'd butt out.   Maybe it does take a village, but it doesn't take a village of busybodies.

[HollyBearsMom]

Originally Posted by Storm Bride 

Good friends are wonderful, but I'm not sure what any of this has to do with the village as you referred to it in your previous post. Random strangers making up their minds that someone is neglecting their child, based on a kid not being dressed "appropriately" - as defined by someone else - have nothing to do with good friends looking out for someone.
 

My thoughts exactly

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

To those with kids with sensory issues, I'm curious as to why you think that makes how they feel less valid. Please, don't take that as a judgment. That's probably not the best way to word that but I can't think of another way. I'm truly wondering what your thinking on how they feel is. Just because someone feels something differently doesn't mean they don't feel it correctly. KWIM?

It's not less valid, but it does mean that I can't trust them to judge appropriately. I have to keep a closer eye on things and maybe insist on clothing that is weather appropriate because my child cannot regulate himself as well. Dh and ds do not feel minor pain very easily. They both miss the early warning signs. Ds had strep throat with very swollen tonsils and only said in passing that his throat "kind of hurt". We only took him to the doctor because he'd had a fever for 5+ days and wasn't getting better. The same with heat/cold. When ds was 4, his sensory issues were such that he didn't want to change from long pants and flannel shirts. He was running around in 95 degree weather and getting overheated. It was becoming a safety issue. I didn't want my child to collapse with heat stroke.

Originally Posted by philomom 

Mmm, so much for the village, hmm? If I see the same kids drug out blue and shivering by a mom who is warmly dressed herself, what am I to think then? That she wants the child to dress himself or herself and that's more important than them now shivering and blue at the bus stop? Should I assume the mother is high or drunk and incapable of dressing her kids for the cold? Or should I think the kids are intolerable brats who won't listen to a caring mom?

Or that maybe the kids made a really bad decision that they're regretting? My kids rarely dress 'appropriately' for the school bus. They wear hoodies in pretty much all kinds of weather unless it's a torrential downpour. I suggest a raincoat or winter every single day and they reject me 9 times out of 10. Does that make them intolerable brats? Call my state of mind into question? Admittedly, we're in the pacific NW, it's not dangerously cold here.

I might smile at the mom if I'm there with her and say "they don't like to wear their winter coats, huh?"

It could also be that the kids have lost/outgrown their coats and mom doesn't have the money to replace them. My winter coat is 10 years old and is fine. I guess I wouldn't judge unless I knew the story. I've been in too many situations where my kids are the 'weird' ones.

[dbsam]

My daughter has sensory issues and I do not care about 99.9% of her apparel choices.  e.g.  Today she wore her clothing over her pj's, in the summer she might choose wool socks and a sweater, my children run into stores without coats with 18 degree temps because they are going from a warm car to a close warm store and I am fine with it.  However, when it comes to her hands and snow, ice and single digit or sub zero temps for an extended period outside I will enforce the glove/mitten rule.  She does not notice the pain until very late and I am concerned - it is not a case of my disregarding her feelings.   In the story you provided about your son I w/h done the same thing as you did.  30 degree weather is not excessively cold to us. Also, in my daughter's case, I often need to re-purchase clothing.  e.g.  She wants to wear a coat but now the sounds made by typical nylon winter coats drives her crazy so she wants to wear only wool coats.  If I couldn't afford to buy and re-buy for her, I could see being a parent who would 'make' the child wear the coat they have.  I accommodate her because it causes her so much distress and I can afford it.

Originally Posted by MarineWife 

To those with kids with sensory issues, I'm curious as to why you think that makes how they feel less valid. Please, don't take that as a judgment. That's probably not the best way to word that but I can't think of another way. I'm truly wondering what your thinking on how they feel is. Just because someone feels something differently doesn't mean they don't feel it correctly. KWIM?

My middle ds was diagnosed with SPD. He's the one who went to the grocery store in the middle of the winter in shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops. He is figuring out what is comfortable for him and what isn't without me forcing him to do what I think is best for him. It took him freezing his feet while he was outside playing one day to decide that maybe socks and warm shoes are a good idea when the temperature is in the 30s F. Nothing horrible happened, though. His feet hurt from the cold and he cried a little about it but he didn't get gangrene and lose toes or anything like that. Do I wish he hadn't felt that pain? Of course. As a mother I don't ever want my children to feel pain. It's impossible to make that happen, though, and most times people need to experience things for themselves. As for coats, he will wear his thin, fleece jacket but cannot stand to wear either of his thicker winter coats. He says they feel bumpy and he doesn't like it. I even bought him one that's not puffy but still has some quilting that he picked out. It's the kind that has the fleece inner that can be taken out so both pieces can be worn separately. The coat part is more of what I would call a shell. It's not really thick or puffy at all. He still doesn't like the way that feels.