I've been a stay at home mom for most of my years as a parent. DP (pilot) travels 4-5 days and is then home for 1-2 days. I've always looked at our parenting partnership this way- When she is away she is "working" and so am I. So when she is home and we are both "off" we should split the child-rearing duties* 50/50.
BUT in reality she is only working part of the day when she is away and then she gets to the hotel and sleeps (alone! and uninterrupted!) and eats breakfast (alone!) and often has shortish flights (3 hours) where she gets to nap (alone!). I sleep with a 10 year old and either one or two 3 year olds who nurse. The 10 year old doesn't nurse, just 3 year olds! I never eat a meal alone. Heck- I barely ever poop alone!
So when she is home I should get more alone time than her, right? She is more than willing to do anything to support me but I was reluctant to take "more" than my share because I wanted to be strong, and fair and considerate and all that stuff. No longer! I am going to take as much time as I can.
Thanks for listening to the crazy lady who might become sane someday soon!
*I mean things like meal prep, cleaning the house, bathing the kids, playing with them, reading books etc. I am always the homework person since I'm always home.