How do you make friends?

[JTA Mom]

This is a weird problem to have, but I have it. How do you make friends as an adult? Especially as an adult with children? This was so much easier when I was in school!

I know the whole 'go out and meet people' thing. I do that (somewhat). I ask people about themselves, not in a crazy interrogation style, more in a 'how's your day' type of thing. I've exchanged phone numbers.

And yet.....

It feels like I need to do a lot of work in terms of contacting them, etc. If I don't, I don't hear from them.

Do I just suck at making friends? How do YOU do it?

Or am I doing nothing wrong, just not 'clicking' with people?

Ami

[wytchywoman]

I don't really have any suggestions. Just wanted to let you know that it's probably not as weird of a problem as you think it is. I have a hard time with this too and I think it's probably more common that most people think.

[lifeguard]

I actually have found making friends since I had ds easier than before. There are so many mommy & child activities. I've also found that friending people on facebook that I have recently met helps us to establish a friendship a bit more 'cause it's easier to share each other's lives.

I've also made some friends at the gym - but that's been slow - a good solid year of working out there very regularly.

I volunteer with Girl Guides & have made some good friends that way.

That said, my closest friends are still, for the most part, those I made in high school.

[lovbeingamommy]

I'm was so glad to see this thread as I definitely have the same issue.  Although, I will admit since having ds it's been a tad easier, however, once the whatever it is that got us together, in my case, ds' theater productions are over, then the friendships don't seem to go anywhere and fizzle out.  Dh said I should try developing deeper relationships with my mom/sister and his siblings, but that's just doesn't seem to be happening either.  So now I'm just at a complete loss again.  I've reconnected with a few people through fb that I knew in college, but considering our lives are so different now I don't see that developing irl.  There are a few neighbor women that I've talked to but it never goes anywhere.  I'm interested to see other mamas chime in here and share experiences because I'd really like to know if I'm just socially inept, or if this is a common concern.  Thx :-)  

[HeckedyPeg]

I have used the internet to find local people with similar interests. One of my best friends I met 9 years ago on an email list, and I've just made a mommy friend from a list for AP Mom's in my county. I've used Yahoo Groups, meetup.com, and even the Finding your Tribe forum. I think it's a little easier making friends with a kid (an icebreaker!), and I prefer to hang with moms who have similar parenting ideas. You can also sign up for a fun class (with or without kids) through your local parks and rec, they're usually cheap and a good way to meet people who have a similar interest.

Good luck! 

[JTA Mom]

Originally Posted by HeckedyPeg 

I have used the internet to find local people with similar interests. One of my best friends I met 9 years ago on an email list, and I've just made a mommy friend from a list for AP Mom's in my county. I've used Yahoo Groups, meetup.com, and even the Finding your Tribe forum. I think it's a little easier making friends with a kid (an icebreaker!), and I prefer to hang with moms who have similar parenting ideas. You can also sign up for a fun class (with or without kids) through your local parks and rec, they're usually cheap and a good way to meet people who have a similar interest.

Good luck! 

Thanks!

See, the thing is, I know how to meet people. That's not really the issue. My problem is that while I meet people, I feel I do a lot of the footwork and well, it seems to stay at the acquaintance level. And I don't know if it's me, or them, or what, really.

I seem to have the same problem as you, Kate. It seems to fizzle out. Especially if I don't make the first few moves. And even then.....

It's almost like I need to relearn how to make friends. Without kids, I had time to devote to hanging out, calling lots etc. How do I do this with kids? How do I make close relationships around busy, busy schedules? Sometimes I fear that by calling others primarily (since I pretty much am the first one to call) that I am imposing on them, especially with kids involved.

Ami
 

[Snapdragon]

I think someitmes it is a matter of location. I was living in a place I loved for a long time, but it was pretty far to drive places- and even the "town"area always felt kind of lonley and I was having a hard time making easy connections and stuff

We recently moved to a different (near by ) town- and live closer to some things going on, and have just found a nice community here- and just - in a day to day way, I find it easier to find people to hang out with- anyway, I think location has a lot to do with it. I Am not saying to move- but just to notice that it mau not be something you are doing or not, but it may just be the place/

[lovbeingamommy]

Originally Posted by JTA Mom 

Originally Posted by HeckedyPeg 

I have used the internet to find local people with similar interests. One of my best friends I met 9 years ago on an email list, and I've just made a mommy friend from a list for AP Mom's in my county. I've used Yahoo Groups, meetup.com, and even the Finding your Tribe forum. I think it's a little easier making friends with a kid (an icebreaker!), and I prefer to hang with moms who have similar parenting ideas. You can also sign up for a fun class (with or without kids) through your local parks and rec, they're usually cheap and a good way to meet people who have a similar interest.

Good luck! 

I seem to have the same problem as you, Kate. It seems to fizzle out. Especially if I don't make the first few moves. And even then.....

Oh, I know exactly what you mean about things staying at the acquaintance level.  I have plenty of acquaintances, but deep relationships now that's another story.  The friendships just don't seem to get to that level.  For example, I'm a teacher and have four fellow teachers that I go out to dinner with periodically.  Now we have a great time together and talk, talk, and talk, but if I don't make the initial meet up - we'd never meet.  The last time we were out together was in October and I left the dinner with the proposal to get together once a month and let the organizer pick the restaurant.  Well no one has made any attempt to organize another meeting...very frustrating.  The other thing I tried to do was suggest that we get together as couples since my dh and I would like to start developing these friendships also, and that suggestion wasn't meant with much enthusiasm, so idk, I'm lost :-(
   

[HeckedyPeg]

Originally Posted by JTA Mom 

Originally Posted by HeckedyPeg 

I have used the internet to find local people with similar interests. One of my best friends I met 9 years ago on an email list, and I've just made a mommy friend from a list for AP Mom's in my county. I've used Yahoo Groups, meetup.com, and even the Finding your Tribe forum. I think it's a little easier making friends with a kid (an icebreaker!), and I prefer to hang with moms who have similar parenting ideas. You can also sign up for a fun class (with or without kids) through your local parks and rec, they're usually cheap and a good way to meet people who have a similar interest.

Good luck! 

Thanks!

See, the thing is, I know how to meet people. That's not really the issue. My problem is that while I meet people, I feel I do a lot of the footwork and well, it seems to stay at the acquaintance level. And I don't know if it's me, or them, or what, really.

I seem to have the same problem as you, Kate. It seems to fizzle out. Especially if I don't make the first few moves. And even then.....

It's almost like I need to relearn how to make friends. Without kids, I had time to devote to hanging out, calling lots etc. How do I do this with kids? How do I make close relationships around busy, busy schedules? Sometimes I fear that by calling others primarily (since I pretty much am the first one to call) that I am imposing on them, especially with kids involved.

Ami
 

I have had this problem too ... sometimes I just get all TMI and it forces bonding, LOL! But seriously- I think it's harder to make a real friendship with people who have an established group of friends already. I just know that I would be pleased to hear from someone, a lot of people might be thinking "Oh, I should call ..." and then forget, they're probably glad when you call them!