I am questioning my religion for the first time in my life. Help me figure this out. - Page 2

[SubliminalDarkness]

*HUGS* I was raised LDS, too, and left the church 10 years ago. Yes, it's a scary thing to do, and a scary thing to think about. 

Whatever decisions you make, whatever answers you find, just keep in mind that it's important not to make choices based on fear, especially big ones like deciding the direction of your and your children's lives. Do what feels right to you, no matter how hard it may seem. Some of my family is uninterested in me now, and I never talk to any friends from church. But when I think about it, that's better, really, because why would I want to continue relationships with people who only care about one thing we had in common, and nothing else? 

[ThomasL]

The main culprit in your case is not your questioning of your religion but rather fear and fear itself is the only thing to be afraid of because it can trap and enslave you. God does not care about religion because our true purpose on earth is to experience and grow in wisdom and we do that every minute of our lives. I have also studied near death experiences and reports by people who have gone to the beyond and back. Those whose experiences brought them to the presence of God were able to experience the true nature of God and that is love. Also they found out God was not interested in theology and has pure unconditional love for all life. I am myself no longer follow any group or church because I truly believe you do not need either to commune with God. All you have to do is find a quiet place and relax your mind and open your heart. God is with all creation all the time. It is just a matter of letting go of the fears and beliefs that make us think we are not worthy. The only one who will ever judge us is us.

[Climbing Rose]

I don't know if this will help, but I will throw it out there just in case.

My friend gave me this book to read (and I really didn't want to!).  I looked into the guy that wrote it, and it turned out that he was very well-educated and basically wondered what religion was right- how all these denominations could read the Bible and be so different.  So (while he was pretty much denomination hopping =) he went back and studied the early church, what the very first followers of Jesus believed and practiced in the very beginning.  It blew me away, and was one of the major things that made following Jesus 'make sense' for me, in huge leaps and bounds, like never before.

It's a quick read, so I just wanted to recommend it. 

The Kingdom that Turned the World Upside Down by David Bercot

http://www.amazon.com/Kingdom-that-Turned-World-Upside/dp/0924722177/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1

I truly hope that helps.  ((hugs))

[rush2ady]

Hi Bluebird  (super long post, sorry!!)

I so hope I can say something which helps you.  I also grew up Mormon, and still am...although I definitely "dabble" in other spiritual teachings.  I went through a huge crisis in my life a few years back, and as devoted as I always have been, I almost left the church.  I go now, but I have a vastly different perspective than I used to. 

Please don't take this the wrong way...but it seems you are getting caught up in the bureaucracy and outward appearances of doing right--as defined by the church.  Truly, doing right, is doing what God would have you do....not because He's some sort of dictator or control freak, but because He has the perspective on our life, on our souls, on the world, and seeks for our perfection and growth.  The stronger your relationship with God, the more aware you will become of His intent and purposes for you, and the less reliant you will be on some outward set of rules.  I don't drink alcohol/smoke/etc. not because "the church says so" but I have a deep sense of its value to me, and I recognize that any addiction is us turning to food/smoking/alcohol/whatever instead of turning to God. 

I'm a little puzzled what you would be eating on the Word of Wisdom that would make you sick?  I imagine grains, as a pp said.  Many people are allergic to or have sensitivities to grains (myself included!).  But the church should be a means of you becoming more spiritually aware and tuned to God.  Not a means of telling you what to eat every single meal...kwim?  I personally like Dr. Mercola's website for health info!  Just like I like Mothering.com for info on family life!  There is a lot left to our own choices.  I've never sat in Relief Society and heard a discussion on breastfeeding or co-sleeping, or any other such baby raising topic.  But I do hear a lot "be righteous mothers"  "be the best mother you can" and general stuff like that. 

In fact I've seen some atrocious examples of parenting in the church, like one mother hissing at her kids in Sacrament meeting "you better shut up and be reverent or else I'll take you out and lock you in the car!!"  This was in the middle of winter in Wisconsin, so it was quite the threat!  I was horrified!  poor kids.  But I realize she simply did not have the skills or knowledge to cope with the half dozen kids she had.  She so needed a copy of Mothering magazine.  Maybe in her eyes she was teaching the kids respect and love towards God!  She was trying to follow rules and force her children to, rather than really listening to the Spirit.  She was caught up in appearances rather than true love and devotion towards God.

An equivalent example of a father in a hallway with his 4 yr old son, saying "you get back in primary and behave or else you'll get a spanking like you won't believe!"  He was a Mormon father thinking he's doing a favor to his kid by forcing him to primary, but if he'd payed any attention to the Spirit, would he threaten and scream at the child like that?

I have also seen some amazing examples of kind and loving parents in the church.  Another father I saw lovingly held and softly spoke to his little boy all through Sunday School, because the boy didn't want to go to primary.

All I'm saying, is key to being a good person is to follow the constant guidance and intuition God sends you.  Forget all the little nit-picky rules for a while--what to wear, what to think, what to speak, how many ear piercings you should have blah blah blah.  Forget worrying about what others think of you.  Go to church because you want to reflect on and worship God, and want to make your life more God and Christ centered.  Don't go because you feel obligated or worry what will people think if you don't go. 

And forget this belief "if I am a good person, only good things should happen to me."  It's simply not true!  I'm an amazing and wonderful person .  Perfect in every way!  But I've been raped, abused, homeless, jobless, scandalized, neglected, sick,...I could go on (right now my mother-in-law is living with us--life is sooo unfair)!  Somehow, reading my scriptures daily didn't keep life from happening to me!  The scriptures promise "blessings" for following God.  And I have been enormously blessed--blessed with seeing the angels who watch over me when my own family abandoned and ostracized me.  Blessed with a deep sense of right and wrong.  Blessed with an awareness of the constant guidance we are given. Blessed with dreams and visions which give me insight into life.  Blessed with an awareness of when evil is around and to be on guard.

Study Buddhism, not to spite God, but as another means of connecting and growing spiritually.  I have listened to Pema Chodron, a Buddhist teacher, and especially enjoyed her interpretation of The Way of the Bodhisattva.  I have learned Transcendental Meditation and that alone has made a huge impact on my life.  I also enjoy listening to Caroline Myss.  I consider her a great spiritual teacher.  And she's not Mormon!   There are many others... seek truth boldly wherever you may find it!

Wish you all the best in your search for God...

[dalasmueller]

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1 

Thanks for sharing PB.  I don't really know what I am looking to hear but I do know of that blind spot feeling.  It is amazing that you can see your illnesses as something positive.  I am still no where near that.  I do feel angry at God all the time for our health as in our religion we are promised good health if we do what it says.  That is where my doubt in my religion comes in.  I sometimes want to become budhist or something just to say HA HA to God.  Crazy I know.  I was abandoned by my mother as a kid and now it is like God has abandoned me.  I have decided now that I am not making any denials in my religion now but just focusing on Christs mission in the new testament.  At the moment that is the only thing that brings me peace.   

My other goal is to try to count my blessing more.  The glass half full.

Whenever you are promised blessings from God in this life for obedience to Him or to a particular Church or set of rules or mandates, and God does not follow up on those promises, you have every right to have doubts.  But I would encourage you not to have doubts in God, rather doubt those who have made false promises on His behalf.  There are many false prophets and false religions who will claim to be speaking on God's behalf, but really have no authority to do so.

It may seem like God has abandoned you because He is not following through on what others have told you He would do for you.  But this is not the case.  God has NOT abandoned you or your family.  He loves you more than words could ever express.  You said that you didn't know if you left the Mormon Church if you would join another.  If I have any advice for you it is do not give up on God because of the false teachings of fallible people.  Instead, seek to find the truth about who God is and what He has actually done for you.

You are absolutely right to be concerned about your eternal salvation.  It is a matter of utmost urgency and priority that you can be certain what your eternal destiny holds for you.  It is imperative that you learn the truth not just for yourself but also for your children.  I highly encourage you to not give up on God, but to seek His truth in a Church that has not given you false hope in His intentions for you life.  Do you really want to entrust the certainty of your eternal salvation to people who were wrong about such an important teaching?  The God of the Bible is the True God; you're not wrong about that!  

Continue seeking the truth about Him and find a Church that accurately portrays the real promises He has made to you and your family in His Word.

I hope this helps.  Feel free to message me if you want suggestions on churches in your area that portray God faithfully according to the Scriptures.

[Koalamom]

Thanks Dallas, some great words I needed to hear!

[nicolelynn]

As you know from my other posts I have recently let go of protestant evangelical dogma or any systematic theology in favor of simply experiencing Jesus and the Kingdom of God. Years ago I almost lost my faith in God entirely, while on a mission trip of all places. It was a scary, dark time and I could only talk to 2 people about it...everyone else I put on a smile for. I didn't have a triumphant return to faith, just a peace returned that God was in fact GOD.

These scriptures started echoing in my spirit and are a guiding light in my current spiritual journey: "Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life" John 6:68,""I do believe! Help my unbelief!" Mark 9:24, "be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10, and "Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live," John 11:25, and “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it." Matthew 13:45 and 46. I pray they bring you comfort as well.

[holyhelianthus]

I'm Mormon born and raised though not as... Molly as some other members who were raised in the church. My family was pretty inactive. 

Anywho to make this ubber long story short my husband and I no longer feel the need to answer to the LDS church. Contrary to popular belief the LDS church doesn't own Mormonism. Once I became aware of this and embraced it Mormonism opened up for me as did my spirituality. The church can be very restrictive, they specialize in micromanaging, so much so that we are raised to believe there simply is no other way. But there is. 

Like another poster said about being Mormon and a dabler in other things that is my husband and I as well. 

I did leave the church and Mormonism for a few years, came back to full activity, and now here I am doing my own thing with my family. There are so many of us out there! The internet is an amazing place for things like this. I am a member of a few Facebook groups full of Mormons in the "other" category. Ex-LDS, Independent Mormons (like us), active LDS but on the fringe, etc etc etc. Have you heard of Mormon Stories? It's an awesome podcast that addresses Mormonism from a whole bunch of different view points. 

I don't want to make this too ling but if you'd like to chat PM me any time. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I know how much it tears one up. 

[happycalm]

I just stumbled on this site the other day...

http://www.newordermormon.org/

[Koalamom]

Nice to hear from you, Maggie. I just posted a bit to you in the mystic thread. Cool what you have come to realize about your own religion. I thought about staying mormon part time, but I find I am like an abused in the face of the abuser and I emotionally shut down. If my former bishop or the prophet had told me to jump off a cliff or be a suicide bomber, I probably would have considered it. That is how brainwashed I was. So now I am staying far away form it until recover.

Thanks Happycalm for the link. Off to check it out...

[holyhelianthus]

Originally Posted by bluebirdmama1 

Nice to hear from you, Maggie. I just posted a bit to you in the mystic thread. Cool what you have come to realize about your own religion. I thought about staying mormon part time, but I find I am like an abused in the face of the abuser and I emotionally shut down. If my former bishop or the prophet had told me to jump off a cliff or be a suicide bomber, I probably would have considered it. That is how brainwashed I was. So now I am staying far away form it until recover.
 

Completely understandable. You are so not alone. Truth be told I can't walk into my ward without having a panic attack. What you are experiencing is something I have watched ex-Mormon friends of mine go through. IMO it speaks volumes about the church.