I wasnt sure where to post this because my DP is not my children's father, so I didnt think it belonged in PAP.
Anyways, my DP's grandpa is dying from lung cancer caused by smoking ciggerettes. DP really wanted to quit smoking, so he started taking Wellbutrin. I also sent my kids across the country to their grandparents for Thanksgiving, so that he wouldnt have added stress, and it would be easier for him.
He promised me that if he slipped up he would tell me, and he wouldnt lie about it like my ex husband did (I actually found out from his mother that he was still smoking).
We have been together almost 2 years, and as far as I know he has never lied to me about anything. So I completely believed him, without question, and told him often how proud I was of him, and how amazing he was for quitting. I was so relieved to not have to worry about his health anymore.
But he started leaving me out of things when before he always wanted me there. He began insisting that I stay home while he ran to the store, sometimes multiple times a day. I was no longer invited to go hang out with his friends. I was hurt and confused, and thinking that he just didn't want me around anymore.
Last night I finally asked him if his friends didn't like me and want me at their house, or if he was just embarressed by me, and he admitted that he was still smoking. He said he should have come clean, but he was embarressed that he couldnt quit and thought I would think less of him.
I was shocked, and completely devastated. I cried a lot, and told him that he had broken my trust, and I thought our relationship was strong enough to get through anything, but he didnt trust me to help him, and lied to me instead. I told him that I had believed that he would never lie to me, especially since he promised me that he wouldnt lie about this. I told him that it is scary to me to see how easily he lied to me, and now I wonder what else he has been lying to me about? He apologized, said it was really stupid, but there isnt anything else that he is dishonest about.
The problem is that I don't know if I believe him. He went to great lengths to hide this from me, when he could have just told me. He let me brag about him to my friends, and tell him how proud I was of him, and he never said anything different. I feel so stupid and gullible now, and I am furious at him for choosing ciggerettes before our relationship and his health. I am really, really angry and hurt right now. Am I overreacting? Is there another way that I should be looking at this situation? Or is this a huge red flag in our relationship?