Help me get my kids to understand a few simple boundaries in our home!

[peaceful_mama]

OK I will be the first to admit I was not strict on my kids about bathroom and bedroom boundaries (i.e. not seeing me naked) when they were toddlers.  (and I still have a toddler child and a newborn)

Now I really want to enforce two boundaries in our home for ME.  They seem to respect these for DH just fine for whatever reason probably becuase he's never been the at-home parent, and because he's always enforced them w/regard to him.

It's not so much DD and nudity or the younger ones I'm concerned about, it's DS1 I think is getting a little too old to be walking in on me naked.  I'd rather enforce it consistently though than make one kid feel bad.

One is OUR BEDROOM.  It's very simple, I want them to STAY OUT.  Part of it is that I think they can learn to respect some privacy and don't need to see me getting out of the shower.  The other part is I desperately NEED some SPACE--when their dad and grandma are present and perfectly capable of taking care of their needs, I NEED SOME ALONE TIME.  DESPERATELY.  I NEED them to knock, ask permission, and accept no for an answer.

Two is that I think they are old enough to respect the bathroom as a private space for whoever is in it.  DS1 has really gotten a good handle on this concept now that he's in school--they have a bathroom in the classroom and a stop sign on the door--when you see the STOP it means it's occupied.  I'm actually tempted to make one sadly enough.

How have you gotten your kids to learn to knock and/or learn that X adult is in charge and adult Y is not to be disturbed until they emerge from their private space/time??

[Eresh]

I'm currently reading "How to talk so kids will listen ..." and it would say to just make the sign :) ...

[Petie1104]

Repetition.  It sucks, but yes, that is the only thing that has worked for us.  They walk in, you say, "you forgot to knock, go back out and try again".  Eventually they got tired and stopped coming in without knocking (well except the 4 yr. old, he's still learning).  Same for the bathroom.  It's just repetition.  At least in our home that is allt hat has worked.  We tried signs, tried explaining, tried everything else we could think of.  Overall it just came to reminding them over and over and over and over until I thought I was going to lose my mind.

[LynnS6]

I think the STOP sign is a great idea. That, and a lock on the inside of your door! (Up high so the kids can't lock it by accident.)

Kids this age need both a visual and a physical reminder. It sounds like the STOP sign is a good way to start that. I would just start by saying "Mommy would like privacy in the bathroom and the shower. When you see the STOP sign, stop and go ask daddy." Then I'd PRACTICE close the door, put up the stop sign. If they stop, cheer madly. If they don't, repeat the rule and have them try again.

If you want to make it more playful, you could give them a 'ticket' for failing to stop at the stop sign -- I wouldn't have it do anything, but it might help reinforce it. If they stop say 5 times when they should in real circumstances, maybe you can make the a little 'drivers license'.

Personally, I gave up the battle long ago. Most ds (now 9) doesn't come in when I go to the bathroom, but sometimes he does. If I ask him to go away and give me privacy, he does. So age will cure a lot of this.

Any way that dad/grandma can take the kids OUT so you can get some alone time at home? I'm an introvert and need to recover at home. What saved my sanity when my kids were this age was the fact that my dh would take the kids on an outing a couple of times a month for a Saturday afternoon.

[prothyraia]

Do you have locks on your bedroom and bathroom doors?

[mom2happy]

The only way mine 7 and 5 listen to me when I dont want them coming in my room is for me to tell them before hand that I will be getting dressed alone.

Then OF COURSE I hear there footsteps with in 5 minutes and that's when I have to say "Privacy" (in not such a friendly voice). It's the only way they know I'm serious.

[Learning_Mum]

I tell my 5yo and 2yo that I am going to the toilet now / having a bath now etc and that I want some privacy and to be left alone. If I happen to want to have five minutes to myself in the bedroom I will do the same thing. Then when I hear them coming I will say "Stay out please!". I will lock the bedroom door. Unfortunately we don't have a lock on the bathroom door.

I'd say get a lock and remind them before you disappear that you will be doing XYZ and that they need to ask Daddy or Grandma for help.

[pupsnelda]

A lock will help.

[carrierwright]

For my 5 and 7 year old I also give the warning for alone time. "Mom is about to take a bath alone. Is there anything that you might need in the next 30 minutes?" I address any food/drink/hug/entertainment needs, let dad acknowledge that he's on and go take my time.

[HollyBearsMom]

We all use the phrase "I need some privacy right now" and respect it for everyone.  That means if my bedroom is "off limits" at times so can my son's bedroom. It means if he has to knock before coming in to the bathroom or bedroom so do I. 

I also second (or third?) the "How to Talk" book.  

[sillygrl]

I started enforcing the rule that any closed door means we have to knock before opening. I always had the doors open when they were little but then I noticed they would walk right in when we were at other people's houses (oops!). This doesn't just mean the bathroom and my bedroom, any door. If there are other doors in the house, you can practice with them. I like the fact that I'm not stressing my bedroom over any other rooms with this. And that goes for their space, too. I always knock before I go in if they have their door closed.

As for getting the point across that they need to seek another adult instead of you so you can have some alone time, I would have all the kids together in front of dad/grandma/other adult and announce that you're going to have some quiet time so they need to stick with whoever is in charge. It's nice to have the other adult there so they can see everyone is on board, if that makes sense. Hope everything works out!

[ssh]

Do you knock before entering a room if one of your children has the door shut? We always do. Around 3 I started telling my DD I wanted 'privacy please'. My DH has always demanded privacy for the bathroom, but when your at home alone with a very small child you kinda have to just take them everywhere with you.  By age 4.5 my DD wanted privacy often too. I think modeling the behavior by knocking yourself and reminding should work with the oldest one or maybe oldest 2 kids. I'm not sure your younger ones would be ready to understand the idea of mom needing privacy.